Building Up Moms

If you are planning for a holiday but feeling stressed about the number of stuff you need to prepare for it, Flylady has some tips that you can use.

She has a Vacation and Planning List  and a Packing Control Journal.

Travelling with children is a whole lot of fun and adventure (read : you never know what’s going to happen when!)

Food

To me, it is much easier to travel with a nursing baby. Food is never an issue since the milk bar is open 24hours! And it is always fresh and at the right temperature.

I have learnt not to bother with babyfood and the like when travelling with babies under a year old. Less stress on everyone. Besides with the unknown territory, mommy’s breast provides comfort and nourishment all at one go.

But those who are more hardworking swear by their cooler boxes and crock pots. Yes, these moms actually bring fresh food along with them to store in the hotel rooms fridge and then cook fresh meals for their babies/toddlers. Me? I am really too lazy!

Also, I have learnt that it is waaay easier on everyone to just go with the flow when on vacation. Since we only go for 3 - 4 day breaks in nearby countries, it is ok with me if they decide they will only eat bread for that 3 days or pasta at every meal the entire vacation. It is afterall a vacation - a break from the norm.

Clothes

Since our trips are usually 3 - 4 days long only, I assign one outfit per day plus 1 set of pyjamas. If accidents and messes occur, I will wash it in the sink with travel wash (available at most pharmacies).

And since our trips thus far are to resorts in Malaysia and Indonesia, it has been a breeze to pack. Now if we were travelling to a colder climate, it would be much more complicated.

Since clearing the huge load of laundry after a trip is not something to look forward to, I try to be as organised as possible when packing to come home.

Clothes are sorted out according whether they are light coloured or dark coloured. Then once home, I can immediately put one load into the machine without needing to sort them.

Medication

I always bring a standard stash of medications for both adults and children. These incluse fever medication, antacids, carbon pills, antihistamines (we have allergy sufferers), antiseptic creams and bandages.

I would also bring along our usual vitamins and supplements that we take on a daily basis.

Housekeeping

I am particular in that I like to leave behind a clean house and a relatively empty I used to change the bedsheets before we leave and then lay clean sheets over them to prevent dust from settling on the clean sheets.

But due to laziness, this time round, I have left the dirty sheets on while we were away and stripped them bare when we returned. So we still had clean sheets to sleep on!

However, this method is also dependent on the time we arrived home. I don’t think I would want to be stripping the beds bare and laying on clean sheets at 10pm at night!

Naps 

I have learnt to insist on short naps for the younger ones or the meltdowns at dinner time is just not pleasant. Since we need 2 rooms for our family size, this is much easier to manage then if we had only 1 room.

Either I send the older ones to the next room and be quiet while I settle the younger ones to nap or dh takes them out of the room and I stay behind to make sure that the younger ones nap.

There are lots more things you can plan to make your trip enjoyable and as hassle free as possible when on a holiday with young ones but these are the main things to me.

Remember to commit everything to the Lord and then relax and ENJOY!

PS : Travelling with a baby at the crawling stage is physically trying and tiring for me! Told dh that we should have travelled before the baby could crawl or when the baby was walking confidently!

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Cor 15:33 (NIV)

Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
Psalm 1

I have been thinking about this for a while. These verses reminds us that who we mix with has an effect on us - good or bad. We need to be mindful who we choose we friends.

So when a reader of the website wrote to me commenting that :

It’s important that we keep around friends that will always bring us back to the counsel of God. So if we feel that certain people’s company drag us down by causing us to engage in gossip, malice, or make us discontented by comparing to others, then we should either try to exert a godly influence over them, or if not, keep away from them.

I thought that was God’s reminder to me to write this post!  

There’s no denying that birds of a feather flock together. And one usually can tell the type a person is by the friends he/she keeps - for better or worse.

So not only do we need to choose our friends wisely, we need to guide our children to do the same. How many times have we heard stories of good kids turn bad due to the negative influence of friends? Sadly, we hear much less of bad kids turned good.

Choosing Our Friends

As SAHMs, we need to choose our friends wisely or we will be pulled down by thoughts of coveteousness and envy. I know someone who was happy to be a mom of many till she met up with other mothers who had less children and more cash. She started wanting to be like these other moms who had time to go for high tea, chit chat and shopping instead of being housebound with her very young children.

Let’s face it, as SAHM with a 24/7 job, which one of us hasn’t entertained thoughts of going back to the workforce? Especially when things at home aren’t going as well as you want it to be. Who you choose to confide in can impact your attitude.

On some really bad days, I would sms a friend and tell her that I quit and shall leave the kids and go back to work. But she would always remind me that we are made of sterner stuff! Then proceed to tell me how she wanted to throw in the towel too! Lol!

My point? A godly friend who builds you up can sympathise and even commiserate in your agonisingly bad days but is always there to help break up the pity party and point you back to God. We need godly friends like these.

We need our friends to build us up, not tear us down. Our friends may not agree with our convictions or parenting method but they need not tear us down. Our friends should be mature enough to agree to disagree instead of taking potshots at us, especially when one is down.

But in practical terms, it is much easier to be with friends who share your beliefs and lifestyle. So choose wisely and be very careful whom you take counsel from.

What about our children’s friends?

If your children attend public school, it is difficult to choose their friends for them. So you may have to counteract the influence of their friends regularly.

If you’d read a recent article in The Sunday Times, a parent commented that because they attend a upmarket pre-school, their children have started to ask for more overseas holidays and branded items.

A friend I spoke to 2 days ago commented that her daughter picked up a lot of flirtaious behaviour when attending pre-school! She has since pulled her out and is homeschooling her.

Another friend did not like her son’s behaviour and speech after attending a particular school. She had to make special appeals to transfer him out of that school.

If your child’s close friend is obnoxious and rebellious but fun to be with, I can guarantee that your young child will be influenced by that kind of behaviour. It appeals to his natural, sin nature.

Yes, friends have an impact on us and our children. The mroe time we spend with these friends, the greater their impact on us.

Beacons of Light?

Ideally, we are to be such beacons of light that people are drawn to us and are changed by us instead of us being changed by them. But realistically and sadly, this is rare. 

What About Evangelism?

But does this mean we only mix with godly people? What about the lost? Don’t we have a responsibility to reach out to them? Of course we do! The fine line is to lead them to Christ not have them lead us away from Christ.

Core Circle

My solution to this dilemma? I choose my CORE circle of friends very carefully while befriending the lost and unsaved. And definitely take my counsel from godly, spirit-filled friends.

May this spur you to think about the friends you have. It may be time to lessen contact or even terminate relations with friends who are exerting a less than godly influence over you.

And you would definitely want to  remove ungodly friends from your child/ren while you still are able to. If they are matured enough, teach them how to choose friends (one day they will get it! Lol!). So that in time to come, you can release them and trust that they will, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, be prudent in their choice of friends.

MANY, many times I wonder - how on earth am I supposed to do it all?

Be a wife & mother, cook, homeshool, keep house, and the list goes on. And on top of that we have a larger than usual family to keep tabs on. Yes, trust God and do the next thing! But being weak & human, I still worry. Afterall, there is only one of me.

Today, I read The Homeschool Minute, an eNewsletter from The Old Schoolhouse Magazine. Nancy Carter wrote a short article quoting John 6:9 which spoke to my heart :

“Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” John 6:9

Read on and you’ll find that Jesus did not just provide enough for the 5,000 men (excluding the women and children) there but He provided more than enough. There were 12 baskets of leftovers!

As I juggle the many roles and duties required of me, I often cry out to the Lord - “I can’t!” And then I hear Him say, “Yes, but I can.”

He who was able to multiply 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish to feed the multitude is definitely able to help me cope with my seeming multitude of tasks! Amen!

What the little boy had was a willing heart. If I am willing to be used by God to fulfill my calling as wife, mother and teacher, He will surely bless and mulitply my efforts.

And because He who has called me is faithful, I know I am not alone though I may feel so. I remember that “(His) grace is sufficient for me, for (His) power is made perfect in weakness” 2 Cor 12:9. So that I may not boast, except in Him!

God does not call us to do something only to abandon us. We need to turn to Him in faith and know that He is able to do “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within us”. Eph 3:20 .

And then we need to examine to see what is it that hinders us from performing our tasks properly and efficiently. Is it a lack of organisation? Is it laziness? Is it a fear of failure that has us preferring not to take charge in case we fail? Or are we overpiling our lives too much with good things?

What has God called you to be? Do all the things you do help you towards that calling? Or distract you? If it distracts you rather than help you, then it is time to let go. There are always good things to be done but if it doesn’t bring you closer to fulfilling your calling, then they might as well be bad things. Aim only for the best - for you and your family.

Remember, we may not be able, but our God is More Than Able! As Paul said, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 1 Cor 12: 10.

The fear of the Lord leads to life; Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.
Prov 19:23

How nice it is to be able to rest contented and untroubled. But most of us aren’t in that place. There’s a certain restlessness in many people. They are always looking out for the next thing to do, see, eat, buy, etc…. Some who have chosen to stay home, look at their working counterparts and envy them and vice versa. The grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it? But is it really?

We are also told in the bible that “godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1 Tim 6:6.

What is the cause of discontentment?
Coveteousness!

We want to have what others have! We are not resting in what we already have. There is much we can choose to be discontented about : our husbands, our children, our house, our lifestyle………..

By choosing to be discontented and coveting what others have, we only make ourselves miserable and sometimes, we make those around us miserable too! When we go on and on about how nice that house is or how lovely it is to go for holidays twice a year, or to how convenient it is to have a live-in maid, we are actually making our husbands miserable and teaching our children envy! We are not building our house up but tearing it down with our own hands! No, discontentment is not a good thing!

So what now?

Let’s take a look at what Paul says in Phillipians 4:12b, “I have learnt the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”

What is Paul’s secret?

“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

The secret is resting in Jesus and what He has done for us! We need to “fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith” Hebrews 12:2 and not on what others have. We shouldn’t be coveting a bigger house or car, more jewellery, more holidays….

Instead, we should be “(seeking) first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these tthings will be given to (us) as well.” Matthew 6:32

Before I end, let me warn you of the consequence of discontentment in our lives. Look to the Israelites as an example.

They were discontented slaves in Egypt and yet when led to freedom by the mighty of God, did not remain content but was discontented and grumbled and complained. They complained that their lives as slaves were better!

They complained about having no meat to eat and God gave them manna. Then they complained about not having water to drink and God gave them water from a rock! But they were not thankful. Nor contented.

Complain, complain, complain.

What’s the consequence of discontentment? Paul warns in 1 Cor 10:10-11 “And do not grumble, as some of them did - and were killed by the destroying angel. These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come.”

Let us instead “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever!” Psalm 136:1 and “Rejoice in the Lord always.” Philippians 4:4

The Bible says that the grace of God which has appeared to all men

teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope - the glorious appearing of our great God and Saviour, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us fom all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. Titus 2:11-14

What are the works of the flesh? The worldly passions mentioned in this passage? The book of Ephesians has a whole list of them! They include bitterness, rage and anger, brawling, slander, malice (Eph 4:31) and sexual immorality, greed, obscenity, foolish talk and idolatry. (Eph 5:3 - 7).

Why is it important to say NO to our flesh?

Because if we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour, then it is no longer (us) who live but Christ who lives in (us)! Gal 2:20. We have been redeemed by the precious blood of Jesus. We should therefore live as children of light, not of darkness.

Is it easy? Not by a long short! The longer we have been saying “yes” to our flesh, the more difficult it is to say “no”. It has become a habit!

What are some examples?

If you often seek refuge in food, you are saying “yes” to your flesh. Or if you often shop to relieve stress, you are again saying “yes” to your flesh. Or if you shout at the children coz it just makes you “feel” better, then you have said “yes” to your flesh again!

Notice something? All these things make you “feel” good or better for a while only. Then you have to do it again and again and in greater and greater quantities to get the same “high”.

So what are we to do?

We go back to the Bible. It says :

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. Gal 5:16

and

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Gal 5:24-25

Is it easy? Again, I repeat - nope! So do we give up trying? Nope again! Because in Galatians Chapter 6, there is a warning and a hope held out to us.

The warning :

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

The hope :

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Gal 6:9

So let us encourage one another to say NO to our fleshy desires and to live by the Spirit and walk in step with the Spirit. Keep on reading the Word and listening intently to His voice. Then choose to say NO to our flesh!

“Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.” Proverbs 6:6-8

What a disciplined creature! It has no one breathing down its neck and yet it works diligently, planning ahead and doing its job well! Unfortunately most human beings do not behave like that. Unless there is someone watching over us and/or reminding us of deadlines, most work will not be completed.

For SAHMs, the temptation is even greater to let things slide. Unless you have an ogre for a husband, we really do not have a “real” boss to answer to And that is the crux of the problem! Most of us simply aren’t motivated to do our best when there is no one watching. Laziness is inherent in all of us. It is part of our sinful nature. We need to train it out of us.

Without self discipline, nothing will ever get done around the house. And we’ll always be giving excuses as to why things are either left undone or uncompleted in the home. And with many young children in the house, I can assure you that I probably know all the excuses out there

But in the end, the one who suffers most is me. When I am ill disciplined, the house is in a mess and I can’t function properly in it. My mood will also be in a mess and everyone’s faces will show it! My house is no longer haven of peace and love. But one of strife and mess! What sort of a testimony am I for the Lord?

What is the antidote to the lack of self-discipline then?

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24

Our boss is God. Even when no one is watching us and knows what we are actually doing at home, the Lord knows! Everytime I feel lazy, I tell myself to just get on with it and and serve the Lord. A little reward at the end of the job helps too!

Since laziness is inherent in all of us, as we train ourselves to be diligent like the ant, we also need to train our children to be self-disciplined. We will have to be their boss and we have to make sure that whatever we ask them to do is completed properly. This will train them to always do a job well from young so that it slowly becomes second nature to them.

When we are self-disciplined, we can then be able to say NO to our flesh more easily. And this ties in with what I shared before in Say NO To Our Flesh. We need to keep on saying no to our flesh if we want to be walk in and be led by the Spirit.

Developing self-discipline is one way we can achieve it. Coupled with lots of prayer! For in the end “it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.” Philippians 2:13

Q : What makes a good listener?

A : Someone who listens!

But it has been difficult to find someone with this criteria. I came to this conclusion after having had an incident last week & just needed a listening ear. Many were too willing to tell me WHAT I should do and behave and think…………Most don’t even listen to the full story before they offer their comments.

It was frustrating to say the least.

It made me then realize that we are often too self-centred and self-absorbed in our own world that we lack the time nor energy to just listen to our friends.

SAHMs especially need a listening ear. We tend to just give & give & give and then burn out. Having someone to just listen makes us feel better. I often thought it was just men who don’t listen. But nope, it was afflicts the womenfolk too! Argh!

Perhaps sometimes we want to appear wiser or more spiritual than the next person. But honestly, it really doesn’t help anyone. We would like you to just listen and not preach to us.

And if we are not careful, we will also start to not listen to our children when they come to us. Coz we are too busy telling them WHAT to do. This would be a disaster especially when they grow older and we turn them away from confiding in us coz we are too busy foisting our advice on them. Remember - Just listen!

So the next time someone comes to you with a problem, Just Listen! Then assess the situation to see if he/she wants any advice. You may have a lot to say but if the person is not in the frame of mind to listen, it is pointless and may put him off every confiding in you ever again!

Remember - JUST LISTEN!

Yes I do! And I have chosen to follow Jesus!

Have you ever had this comment thrown at you? Or….perhaps, even made the comment yourself?

When I mentioned to an someone that we leave family planning and spacing to the Lord, I was told that I had a choice. A friend was recently told the same thing about her larger than average family.

Ahhh!!!! Why do people say that? To justify their own choices, perhaps? Or to imply that there is no need to follow in blind faith? That God gave us brains to think things through?

Yes, we do have a choice. And God did give us brains to think. But what are we basing our choices on? God’s Word or man’s “wisdom”? The Bible tells us twice “There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end leads to death.” Proverbs 14:12 and Proverbs 16:25

And “…the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom” 1 Corinthians 2:25

What do all these mean? Just this - we CAN trust God. He alone knows what’s best for us. But what’s best cannot be had if we fight Him tooth & nail.

Just think about it - maybe He wants you to be blessed with 4 children but you if you refuse to even consider having one, then the blessings He wants to bless you through the children will be forfeited.

As a friend once said - we can plan and think with our God-given brains so well, that we plan God right out of the picture!

When we trust God, we get onto a wonderfully exciting and scary ride. BUT we also come out of it drawing closer to Him. Isn’t that wonderful?

Yes, we do have a choice. We do not follow blindly. Our faith is not blind. It is based on the Word of God. It is based on the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and not by our feelings.

Remember, “The heart is deceitful above all things” Jeremiah 17:9.

And yet, it is not easy. Every time we feel fear, doubt and even weariness, we need to turn to God’s Word and ask ourselves - what does God say about that?

In this case, His Word says children are a blessing. “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them” Psalm 127:5. Blessed is the man, not cursed, not burdened, not stressed.

BUT if we feel that way, then we need to ask ourselves - where have we gone off track? Is it because we are doing too much or perhaps everything on our own strength? Then no wonder we are stressed and burned out. We need to go back to Him and ask Him for wisdom.

Then only can His Word be true for us. And then only can we truly experience the joy of the Lord.

We have chosen to walk His way and trust in Him. What about you?

….it gets to you after a while.

There will be no end of people querying your choices, casting doubts on your call even.

Perhaps you have decided with your dh to stop working and stay home to raise your children yourself. Or give up your live-in maid and take over the household chores yourself. Or to homeschool your children. Or start a home business.

As you excitedly tell the people around you, the doubts start coming in - not from yourself (you have plenty of that coming at you in the middle of the night!) - but from the people close to you and even from those who are not!

“Are you sure you can do this?” “What’s about x, y, z?” “Have you thought about this properly?” “Oh what a pity!”

Oh - the incessant voices! All supposedly offered with well intentions but sometimes, I really wonder. It slowly chips away at your confidence. “Maybe I heard God wrongly”. “Maybe I have been too optimistic.” “Maybe, maybe, maybe…”

That is why with every decision we take, it is important to take it to the Lord. Not after we have decided and we just want God to give his signature to our plan. But to take the whole situation to Him right from the start and wait for Him to direct us. Once He has spoken, you can stand firm.

I must warn you though - even when God has spoken clearly to you, there will still be days (and nights) when you will doubt. And then you have to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” 2 Corinthians 10:5.

In general, taking the less trodden path is not easy. And when you choose to walk God’s way -ahhh!!!! It gets really challenging! But the rewards are greater than you can ever imagine. We just need to keep focused.

“Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.” Hebrews 12:1-2

When we walk in His paths, we need to remember WHO we are walking with and to. And when we want to give up, throw in the towel and follow the crowds (just coz it is easier), remember the words of Paul,

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9. Emphasis mine.

May this bless and encourage those of us who are feeling down and alone just because we are following our Lord and Master and no one understands or may even ridicule us!

This website has its beginnings as a blog (Building An Ark In Singapore) in www.HomeschoolBlogger.com. This was what I wrote way back in 30th July 2006.

“Today, I join the blogging community!

So why did I succumb? I had always wanted to write down my journey as a mother firstly & then as a homeschooling mother. But I never could find the time nor energy for it. So it had until now, remained a nice dream.

Three weeks ago, a friend called me for some advice on how to handle a toddler while pregnant & how to handle a toddler & a newborn baby & to homeschool. The next week, I went to a birthday party & had another mother ask me how I manage the 5 children, keep house, cook & homeschool.

See the pattern here?

So I thought to myself - Lord, You know there is a real need to share with young mothers how to do these things. Most of us were not taught by our own mothers, either because we didn’t need to learn those skills coz mum did everything for us or mum was herself a working mother. So I told myself that I should start this project - to help these mothers who truly want to learn. I would write down all these verbal advice so that :

• a) I save myself from repeating the same stories over & over again and
• b) I have a document of sorts to trace my journey as wife, mother & teacher.

Now, I did not mention anything to my dh at that point in time.

This week, Aunty Doreen from Church asked me to share my experience as a mother to the other mothers in the Sunday School group for babies & toddlers! It would happen the 4th Sunday of every month, starting this August! Well, God was certainly making His desire known to me!

This time, I told my dh & he said “I told you to do it the last time & you said you had no time!” Well, in my defense, he didn’t ask me to start a blog. What I remember him saying to me (which he will probably disagree with. But that’s ok, since I am the submissive wife ) was to write an encouraging article for mothers every month. At that point in time, I was the one needing encouragement!

So here I am. I shall be attempting to update as often as possible, our journey down the less trodden path of mum staying home, trusting in the Lord for the number & spacing of our children, keeping house with no paid or live-in help (a rarity in Singapore) & of course, homeschooling.”

And so here we are, 6 months later and a website is born! The website was officially set up on 21st January 2007. And I have called it “Building Up Moms” because I remember the call I had from God to build up and encourage young and new mothers.

Not that I am an expert in this area! But having mothered 5 children, I have over the years picked up some experience that I can gladly share with you. Especially practical tips! But always being mindful that it is not I who is doing this but our Lord Jesus Christ.

Indeed, the more years I spend mothering, the more I realise that I can’t do it on my own strength and wisdom (what strength? what wisdom?) As my dh loves to say - truly, Jesus IS the answer!

So do not look to me for answers. Look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith!