Building Up Moms

In a nutshell, “no”.

But, I wear nursing clothes all the time when I have a nursing baby. And since we often wean only in the second trimester of the next pregnancy, I would transition from nursing to maternity wear directly. Actually since we have been blessed with 5 children in 7.5years, I often joke that I am either in nursing wear or maternity wear! But I digress.

Why do I say that nursing wear is not necessary but I wear them all the time? The issue for me is : modesty. Something sadly lacking in today’s supposedly modern and liberated world.

Have you seen the number of pregnant women showing all and sundry their protruding bellies in the name of being proud of their pregnancy? Or worse still (a pet peeve of mine) recently post-partum ladies squeezing into their too tight pre-pregnancy outfits?

Hey! One takes 9 months to get to a certain pregnant weight. One should not expect to lose it all immediately (though one certainly hopes one could!) after we birth. Our cultures reveres youth and slimness to an extreme obsession!

But I digress again…

Back to nursing clothes and modesty. When I had my first child, affordable and nice nursing wear was literally non-existent.

Since I didn’t believe in cooping myself in the house or retreating to a toilet (yucks!) every time I needed to nurse the baby, I had to be innovative in my choice of clothes. I usually wore separates.

And my tops are usually slightly larger than normal tees or shirts. I would then hike up my top and then arrange it so that it did not cover/smother the baby while remaining discreet.

This required much practice as I wanted to show as little skin as possible. This meant that I needed to be able to latch the baby on quickly and to never wait till the baby is wailing his head off and attracting loads of attention to nurse the baby.

I don’t believe in unbuttoning the shirt from the top down (eg. the way breastfeeding posters demonstrate) - again in the name of modesty. We really need not show any part of our boobs when nursing!

Then while pregnant with my second child, I discovered an online nursing store, Moms In Mind. Wow! I thought I was in heaven! Lol! I could now wear normal looking clothes instead of just loose tees and shirts! And wonder of wonders, I could even put on a dress and not need to strip down to nurse my baby!

But the best benefit of all - to me - was that I could now nurse much more modestly than before! No fear of accidentally revealing any part of my body. Of course baby can still lift up the nursing flaps. But generally, it made nursing modestly much more convenient.

So no, while I would say one need not have to have nursing wear, it does make nursing modestly much more convenient.

A disclaimer would be : not all nursing wear are equal. If one chooses to buy nursing tops that are very tight or buys one that is not well cut for your body type, then you can still end up exposing your bosom or your tummy!

An another option for nursing discreetly is to use a nursing bib or a sling. I did not like the nursing bib (which wasn’t available back when I had my first) because it actually called more attention to what I was doing than if I had nursed in a normal top!

Plus my babies all hated to be covered up. So they would try to lift the bib off their bodies when they got older! Nursing in a sling was slightly better but I often felt that it was too hot and I couldn’t master switching sides quickly enough! So in the end, a nursing top or dress was more convenient for me.

Nursing wear need not cost an arm or a leg. Nowadays there are so many online nursing wear stores to buy from or there is always eBay and yahoo auctions to check out. But I would suggest that if you have never worn one before, to get yourself fitted. As mentioned, an ill-fitting nursing outfit is as immodest as a too tight “normal” top.

And to go with this topic - is a nursing bra necessary?

I would say it depends on erm….how well endowed one is. If one is very much blessed in the chest area, then I would suggest that you get a good supportive nursing bra. But if one Is more petite, then it is not necessary.

I started with the drop cup, hook clasp bra and the button front nursing style. Now, being more experienced in nursing, I much prefer the convenience and ease of a “normal” cami style bra. This style has no clasps or buttons to fuss with. I merely push the cups one side and nurse and it goes back in place once nursing is done. This is great for sleep too.

As for whether you need your bras to have underwire or not, it really is a personal preference. But it has been noted that for some women, an underwire bra can contribute to blocked milk ducts! Ouch! So you may have to try and see if it works for you. I personally dislike underwire bras - nursing or not.

So …. happy shopping!

After weaning my first born deliberately after he turned 1 (he weaned completely at 13mths), I had always wanted to nurse each of my children for a minimum of two years. BUT so far, I have not been granted this request!

So far they have weaned at 14mths, 12mths, 16mths and 22mths, respectively. They had all weaned when I was in my 2nd trimester of the next pregnancy. Except for the 4th pregnancy, I could not take the discomfort (an understatement!) of nursing through a pregnancy! I always do fine in the first trimester (except with my 6th pregnancy) but once I hit my second trimester, I cringe everytime the child latches on.

So how do I wean them? Firstly, I pray! Yes, this is serious. Since we trust God with the number and spacing of the children He blesses us with, He knows how long they need to nurse.

So I pray and ask Him to start the process of weaning. Then I would do the commonly suggested “Don’t offer, don’t refuse” strategy. Usually by then the milk supply would have dropped drastically and the child would increase his intake of table food substantially.

The demand for milk as a food source is no longer there. He usually would then nurse just before sleeping/napping. I will slowly encourage them to drink some water instead of milk. Some protest more than others. The nursing session just before bedtime is the one I usually drop last.

And that’s it. The child will be weaned in a matter of weeks by then.

With our fifth child, her weaning coincided with her moving to a toddler bed. She was rather unhappy about the move, and refused to nurse even when I offered! So I took the opportunity to wean there and then. It was over in a day! There was no need for any drama. God answers prayers! In funny and totally unexpected ways. But He always answers prayers!

There was no need to resort to putting chilli, medicated oil, etc… to get the child to wean. I honestly feel sorry for the child who had to be weaned that way. The older the child, the more we should be able to talk him through it and not put the child through such trauma.

Does that mean that if I had not gotten pregnant, I would have nursed longer? Well, I would like to nurse till she was 2 and then slowly wean her. I do not wish to be nursing a 6 year old!

The other things that I believe helped in weaning our children is that I do not offer the breast as a pacifier or as a comfort source. Mama is the comfort source not “milk milk”. Most times they do not nurse to sleep and so the breast is not a sleep prop. These helped is making weaning much more pleasant and easier.

Last Sunday I had a very interesting conversation with a fellow mother. She was “done” having babies and was looking to pass on her baby stuff. Knowing that we are expecting our 6th baby, she offered to bless us with milk bottles and crib sheets.

I gratefully and politely declined, explaining to her that I breastfeed all our children and therefore had no need of milk bottles. She looked shocked. So she asked how long I breastfeed each child. When I told her at least a year or more, her look of shock turned a lighter shade of pale. I gather that she had not breastfed her two children nor have heard of extended breastfeeding or exclusive breastfeeding. She probaby thought I was mad. Lol!

That got me thinking - most breastfeeding mothers do keep a bottle or two ready in case they need to leave their babies with a caregiver. But ever since I became a SAHM, I had gladly given away all the milk bottles. I didn’t see any need for keeping them anymore since I always brought our breastfed baby with me whereever I went. It was much easier for me.

To get the baby used to drinking from a bottle was such a hassle. Pumping and making sure that the pump, the bottles and all the parapharnelia were properly sterilised all added up to extra work for me! Then there’s the worrying about how much to pump and what if the baby wanted more than I had pumped?!

Call me lazy if you would but that’s the beauty of breastfeeding! A steady stream of nutritious, natural, God-made, God-given milk, fresh, uncontaminated and always at the right temperature! Perhaps if I had a live-in helper whom I could trust with the washing and sterilising of the baby equipment and who’s able to get the baby to bottle feed without any fuss, I may think differently.

When they are ready, they progress straight to drinking from a sippy cup with a soft spout. Then to drinking from a straw and then directly from a cup. How fast they progress fromone stage to another depends on the child and how hardworking I am to encourage them to move on.

So, no, we don’t do milk bottles here. Weird as that may seem to the majority of people out there.

I couldn’t believe it when I woke up on Tuesday morning, 1st Aug, 2006. I had a blocked duct AGAIN!!! How did that happen?

Ruth had been night weaned more than 3 weeks ago so what could have caused it? And I hadn’t been lying on my side (a possible cause of blocked ducts on the side of the b*east). This time round, the blocked ducts were on the top of the b*east!

At 1st I thought it was 2 lumps but horror of horrors - it was 1 huge lump stretching across the armpit to the cleavage! It was sooo painful that I couldn’t bring myself to touch it, less massage it! It even hurt when I had to lift up my arms!

In practical terms, I knew I had to massage the blockages hard but it was so painful! So I laid hands & prayed! And the Lord was merciful. He caused the huge swollen section to slowly diminish & I was able to massage it in the hot shower in the afternoon, with more force than I could in the morning.

Dh prayed for me before we slept & this morning, I woke up with only a 10% painful feeling! Now, at 11:20pm (Singapore time), it has totally gone!!! Halleluah!

So what is one to do when faced with a blocked duct? PRAY! And then…

a) massage the affected part hard with either a very hot towel placed over the affected part or under the shower with the shower heard pointing at the affected part & again, with hot water - as hot as you can bear,

b) massage before bb latches on & continue to massage as bb nurses,

c) if you can get bb to cooperate, point bb’s chin at the affected part. Eg. if the lump is at the bottom part of the b*east, then a football hold is preferred. But I must say that if your bb is older than 6mths or is a particularly fussy bb, that would be difficult to do. Ask me how I know?

d) nurse, nurse & nurse. That is the best way to clear the blockage. No pump - manual or electric is as effective as your bb! Let me warn you tho’ - it hurts!!! But so does pumping it out. i’d rather the bb do it anytime!

You must make sure that it doesn’t develop into mastitis. But even if it does, you do not have to stop nursing! If need, be, get a prescription for the infection that is compatible with nursing (tell the dr you are nursing) & keep on nursing! Dont’ let the dr scare you into stopping, even for a few days. It is not necesary & will not help it go away.

FWIW, I had blocked ducts with every child, except David. And I had a mastitis attack with Sarah & with Esther. I celebrated Sarah’s 1 mth birthday with fever & chills, not knowing that I was having mastitis!

The doctor I went to tried to scare me into stopping nursing by telling me I was harming my bb by feeding her “gobules of bacteria”!!! She then told me I had to take all responsibility if anything happened to my bb! Ah! Such lovely ill-informed GPs we have! 

I must say upfront that I have been extremely blessed to have breastfed all 5 of our children with very little problems.

Sure, I had soreness and bleeding in the early days with #1 and even #2. Then I had mastitis with #2 and blocked ducts with the rest, a nursing strike with #4 and always, an overactive letdown. But I would say that my breastfeeding experience has mostly been positive.

So, why is it often so difficult for so many women? Here are some things I feel can help breastfeeding(bf) go more smoothly and successfully.

A lot of times whether bf turns out successful or not depends on the mother’s personality. I shall be frank here - if the mum is weak, then bf will most likely fail when she faces even minor obstacles. But if mum is strong-willed and determined to press on regardless of the obstacles she faces, then bf will be successful.

I have heard too many stories of women who give up bf which often makes me sad and sometimes, angry! But I also hear stories of mums who press on despite the pain and discomfort. These women I salute! It is indeed to tough to press on when people all around are pushing you to wean the baby.

Whether mum believes strongly that breastmilk (bm) is best for the child or not is another determining factor. Bm is God’s best for our babies. It is a perfect food, suited for our babies growth at every stage of his life.

Do you know that our bm changes at every stage of our babies’ lives? Milk for a newborn or even a premature baby is different in composition from milk for a 6mth old or a 20 mth old baby! No need for follow-on milk that the milk companies so aggressively push upon us. No need to worry if baby is having a balanced diet! See Why Breastfeed?

If you believe that bm is the best for baby, you will press on! Does this mean that a bf baby never falls ill? Is always chubby and smart?

Let me challenge you to think of it this way - we start with the premise that bm is the best. So if baby is still falling sick even on bm, think of what will happen if he is put on an inferior product? He’ll be even more sick! I am not exaggerating. Mums with formula fed babies and bf babies always say the same thing - the bf baby falls sick less often and recovers faster.

And one more thing - sometimes, demand feeding hinders successful bf. I know I am going to step on many toes here. But I do not see the logic of demand feeding when it wears the mum down and leads to her giving up bf.

If it works/worked for you, great! But many mums have told me that they gave up coz they couldn’t take it anymore. Now which is worse? To put baby on a routine or to give up bf?

Demand feeding led to my 1st born ending up in the hospital with very high jaundice. Why? Demand feeding here refers to feeding the baby only when he cries or show signs for milk. Because he was jaundiced, he slept A LOT! And he only fed every 3 - 4 hrs. What bliss! Or so I thought.

I later read up more and discovered that in the early days, baby needs lots of good nursing sessions to clear out the bilirubin in the system! Thereafter, I never let any of my babies demand feed. I always nursed them every 2 - 2.5hrs in the daytime. For nights, I let them go as long or as short as they wished.

Please note that being on a routine/schedule does not mean putting the baby on a 4hr or even a 3hr schedule. I have always kept to the 2hr schedule till they were 3 - 4 mths old or until they themselves were able to stretch the feeding intervals longer.

A baby who feeds at a shorter interval than that tends to be snacking. They snack for 2 min & promptly fall asleep. Mum thinks she has not enough milk coz baby is up again the next hour and the next and the next….But if you hold baby out to 2hrs (from start to start) then the baby will nurse better and more, leading to a more contented baby and a well rested mum.

These are of course, only my observations over the years that I have bf. Bf is natural but it is not easy. But persist and you will reap the rewards of a happier, healthier child and you. But most of all, it is a beautiful relationship that only you can experience when you bf your child. It’s beautiful!

Before I had my first child, I was very determined that I would breastfeed.

Why? Well, I had read all those media reports on how breastfeeding can help reduce the chances of getting allergies. I had suffered bad eczema in my late teens (it erupted when I was in junior college) & then again in my mid-20s.

Both episodes, which lasted for years & had me watching every thing I ate or came into contact with, were triggered by stress. It was awful! I was determined that I would do all I can physically to prevent passing ion this horrid disease to my children.

Dh went along with me since he had no arguments against it. But when we attended a ante-natal talk conducted by Mt Alvernia Hospital, he was sold!

Why?

The lady conducting the class had stated very matter-of-factly that breastmilk changes with the baby as baby grows! Isn’t that wonderful? It is a live liquid! It changes with the baby’s needs! So that means milk produced for a newborn is different from milk produced when the baby is 3mths old & definitely different when the baby grows to be a toddler! Wow!

We have come a long way from that particular class way back in 1998. I have breastfed all 5 of our children, for as long as 12mths to a currently still nursing-like-there’s-no-tomorrow 18mth old toddler.

Besides the fact that breastmilk changes with the baby’s needs (no need for follow-on formula or powdered mik for 1yr olds as marketed by the formula companies!), there is a very simple reason why I breastfeed…..

It is what God intended babies to feed on!

The Lord God Almighty who designed & created women to be able to bear a child, to be able to sustain life & grow it until a time deemed right to birth him/her, did not forget about the little one’s nourishment out of the womb.

He made women’s bodies able to continue to nourish the little precious gift immediately upon birth. He even made sure that the baby has enough reserves to last as the mother’s body provided nutrient-, antibody-rich colostrum for the baby till the mature milk comes in (3 - 5 days after birth *if* nursed regularly round the clock).

Isn’t His design perfect & marvellous?

There’s no need for any supplementation of any kind! But sadly, many women sabotaged or are sabotaged in their initial efforts to breastfeed - through ignorance. Ignorance of the mothers themselves, ignorance of the medical community, ignorance of the well meaning friends & relatives. And so they had to either supplement with formula milk or they stop breastfeedingcompletely - all the while chanting the oft heard reason of “not enough milk”.

Don’t get me wrong. There are women who can’t breastfeed or who can’t produce enough milk - these are the consequencs of living in a fallen world. But these are the minority. Most women fail because they give up too easily due to ignorance and some, due to selfish reasons.

I will not go into the medical reasons or give you links & quotes from studies showing you how superior breastfeeding is. I think these can be easily called up when you google for it. Dr Jack Newman, M.D., the La Le Leche Organisation or our very own Breastfeeding Mothers’ Support Group (Singapore) has tons of information on this.

My purpose in writing this is just to point out that God has created a perfect food for our babies & that is one GREAT reason to breastfeed!

Baby #4 was the 1st baby I had naturally. No pethedine (#1 & #2) & no gas (#1, #2 & #3).

And yet she was the one who though latched on correctly, had a very weak suckle. I don’t know the reason. I just kept praying about it & then 1 day the strength of her suckle improved & we were home free.

But this child was determined to nurse 7 - 8 times a day! When she turned 1, I got pregnant with #5! She was happily eating very little solids (as with the rest) & nursing like there was no tomorrow. But I don’t do nursing well when pregnant.

I feel extremely nauseous every time I nursed them and was extremely senstive. So much so that I would be clenching my fists everytime they nursed. It would get progressively worse as the pregnany went on. I think it was because as the milk supply dropped, the nursling would suckle harder to get the milk out. And that harder suckling hurts!!!

When I hit 2nd trimester with #5, #4 showed no signs of letting up! I was so stressed that I broke down many times at the end of the day crying out to God. I felt bad turning her down & yet, it was so uncomfortable that I really disliked nursing her.

I remember 1 nite when I was alone (dh had ministry work) I broke down & cried out to the Lord that I really couldn’t do this anymore.

The next day, my 7 - 8 time nursing toddler didn’t ask to nurse the whole day till bedtime! Halleluah! So from that day on, she would just nurse once in the morning & once at nite. I managed to get her to drop the morning session but continued with the before bed nursing.

But again, as the pregnancy progressed, even that 1 time session was getting awfully uncomfortable. I tried to ask her to not nurse but she wouldn’t agree So I prayed to the Lord.

The next night, she went to bed without asking to nurse! The next nite, she cried a bit when I told her “no” when she asked but after that nite, she was totally weaned! She was 16mths.

What about #5? Well, she’s 18mths & still nursing 7 - 8 times a day & night! How am I going to wean her? I have no idea! We’ll cross that bridge when we get there!

Armed with the knowledge that a newborn baby must nursed every 2hrs to prevent a high level of jaundice, I made sure that I nursed baby #2 every 2hrs from birth. Yes, that meant that I couldn’t nap as long as I wanted to but that was a small sacrifice compared to being stressed & worried when the baby gets jaundice high enough to warrant hospitalisation.

A side benefit of nursing so often is that my milk came in really early. I had my milk come in only at the end of Day 5 with baby #1. But with baby #2, my milk came in on Day 3! I remember that with baby #3, my milk came in even earlier at Day 2!

Baby #2 was what I called an efficient nurser. She would nurse 5 minutes on each side & was done! It was amazing compared to #1 who would spend 30min or more nursing if I let him. She was also more “vocal” in wanting to nurse when she got older. With #1, he never asked for milk but with #2, she would crawl over to me & lift up my shirt if she wanted a drink.

She nursed till she was 14mths - when I was 4mths pregnant with #3. By then, my supply had dropped & she was nursing just 2 - 3times a day. She decided that she didn’t want her “milk milk” anymore when I yelled out loud as she sank her teeth into me one fine day.

Actually I was relieved that she had weaned herself coz it was getting very uncomfortable nursing her. But I felt bad for the way it ended so I offered it to her the next day. She smiled & walked away!

#3 was a small eater. He would nurse just 5 minutes one side & was done! No matter what I did, he would not be interested in the other side. But he would nurse very often. I couldn’t stretch him to a 3hr schedule for the longest time!

I then found out I was pregnant with #4 when he was just 6mths old. I panicked a bit coz I had always wanted to nurse for at least 1yr before weaning them off. And I had put this request to God before. God was so gracious.

Although I had very little milk left, Aaron continued to nurse till he was 1 yr old. He weaned 2 days after he turned 1 - without any prompting from me. By then, I was already 6mths pregnant.

….to be continued

IMHO BREASTFEEDING is God’s gift to women for their God-given blessings. It is the only perfectly balanced and nutritious food a baby should have from birth. But I fully understand that over the years, many of us, doctors included, have been woefully misled about the importance of formula.

Yes, formula has its place and there are some who should be thankful for it. BUT it is NOT the best food for babies. God blessed us, mothers, with human milk to feed our human babies!

Breastmilk is a living food item that changes with the needs and age of the baby. No matter how far medical science has advanced or will advance, it will never be able to match all the nutrients found in it. And the bond and specialness of a nursing relationship cannot be truly appreciated until one has experienced personally.

This section will share with you the common issues many women who want to breastfeed face. Blocked ducts, mastitis, the myth of no-milk, etc…will be covered here over time. It will encourage those who really want to make it work and those who find little or no supoort in their attempts to give their best to their child.

Listing of Articles :

1. My Breastfeeding Journey - Part 1
2. My Breastfeeding Journey - Part 2
3. My Breastfeeding Journey - Part 3
4. Why Breastfeed?
5. Why is Breastfeeding Often So Difficult?
6. Another Blocked Duct!
7. No Milk Bottles?!
8. Weaning
9. Is Nursing Wear Necessary?

With Child #1, I was sold on the demand feeding theory. This was what I was told - feed the baby everytime he cries. So that was what I did.

#1 was a wonderfully placid baby at birth - maybe due to the pethedine shot I had. He would only wake up to nurse at 3 to 4hr intervals! I was dellighted since that meant I could sleep! And boy! Did I need to sleep after that l-o-n-g drawn out labour I had due to the doctor accelerating my labour by breaking my waters & putting me on a drip. See Birth Story #1.

Child #1 ended up with extremely high jaundice! He had to be hospitalised for 2 days & I was a mess! I was in shock - from having to nurse & care for him singlehandedly for the 1st 5 days of his life to suddenly being forced to leave him behind in the hospital all alone! And he had to sleep in a plastic bassinet without any clothes on! Just his diapers & a blindfold to protect his eyes from the UV lights.

Oh how I cried & cried! And to top it off, I had to stop nursing him for at least 1 day. In order to keep up my milk supply, I had to diligently pump every 3hrs, even through the night. The doctor was most kind though. He instructed the nurse to feed the baby with a cup spoon & not with the teat to prevent any possibility of nipple confusion. And I thank God that the baby returned to the breast with no hesitation.

I later found out that the best way to prevent such a high onset of jaundice was to nurse the baby at every 2hrs & not only when the baby cried for milk! A newborn baby is extremely sleepy, especially if the mother has had medication during labour. To wait for the baby to cry for milk was just not a wise decision at all!

Also, there was a vicious cycle being set in place - sleepy babies nurse less often. Less intake of breastmilk causes the bilirubin to buildup. With the build up, baby gets more jaundiced. The more jaundiced a baby, the sleepier the baby gets…………

So for the next 4 babies, I made sure I woke the baby up every 2hrs during the day & nursed them. I didn’t have to put any of them through the trauma of being hospitalised again! Yes, they all still had jaundice but never high enough to warrant a hospital stay or any other treatment.

As an aside, jaundice is very common in Asian babies. And I have been told that while breastfeeding seemed to increase the likelhood of jaundice, we are seeing it through a wrong mindset. Meaning - since breastfeeding is God’s way of feeding babies & breastfed babies tend to develop jaundice, then maybe jaundice is normal. But because so many babies are put on formula from birth & formula fed babies tend to have lower or no jaundice, doctors often panic when they see jaundice in breastfed babies & tend to be very aggressive in “treating” it.

After the jaundice drama, we went on to have more drama with #1! I have often said that if I weren’t that determined to breastfeed, I would have given up! This baby loved to suckle but didn’t want the milk that comes with nursing at the breast! So he would happily latch on & nurse & then as soon as the letdown occured, he would scream blue murder!

At 1st, I couldn’t figure out why he was crying when I had this copious amount of milk spurting out. Then I realised what his issue was. Out of desperation, I offered him the pacifer! He took it for 1 night & then the next night, he spat it out & would wail till I nursed him & then wail again as the milk flowed. It didn’t help that I had an overactive letdown (OAL). It was a nightmare!

I remember crying - from sleep deprivation & from being helpless. Dh was sweet, he never even offered the option of putting him on formula. All he said was - why not express & cup feed him so that you can get some rest. Well, we tried & that failed too!

So in desperation, I would pray at every feeding. Prayed that he would be able to cope with the OAL, pray that he would be able to go to sleep after each nursing session, pray that my body will quickly adjust to his needs & so on.

And God came to the rescue - of course! Both mother & child adjusted to each other & we continued to breastfeed till he turned 1yr old. We switched however to a more scheduled feeding pattern than a demand feeding pattern at about 3months.

To have discovered it was heaven sent! I no longer had to guess why he was crying & whether he needed to be fed or not. Being a 1st time mother, a schedule brought sanity into my life!

I weaned him at about 13mths. At that point in time, I didn’t know anyone who had nursed successfully & I thought that nursing till he was 1 was an achievement for both of us. And weaning him was a piece of cake. I just replaced 1 feed with a milk feed & within 2 weeks he was weaned with no fuss.

to be continued…