Building Up Moms

(Second part of Confinement without the Confinement Lady)

So how is one to rest during confinement if one has to look after the baby and the housework and the planning and cooking of meals?

1. Make resting your top priority

When I did my confinement without outside help, I would make REST a priority, especially in the first two weeks. That means that whenever I had a free slot, I would go and lie down. I may or may not nap but I would deliberately go and lie down.

I have learnt that sitting down is not the same as lying down to my body. I learnt this when I had bleeding in my second and third pregnancies. Prior to that, I always thought that sitting down is resting. But I would bleed even though I was not doing any heavy work but just sitting down and surfing the net. But if I lay down even for just 10 to 15 minutes, the bleeding would lessen. Ever since then, I have always made it a point to lie down to rest.

Most times I had to fight the urge to rush and do some cleaning or tidying up of the house. I just forced myself to lie down and rest!

2. Schedule a quiet rest period for everyone in the afternoon

This has been and still is a lifesaver in our house. Starting from 2pm, I start putting the children to nap/rest. The older ones obviously do not nap. But they are required to rest and be quiet. Their rest period is over at 3:30pm. I stagger everyone’s nap/rest time so that the older ones need not rest too long. This also allows the younger ones to nap before the older ones go into the room.

I then try to time the baby’s nap in the same slot. This way, I am usually able to nap for at least 30 minutes in the afternoon. It is a much needed nap due to the interrupted sleep at night.

It also helps that the children all go to rest/nap independently.

3. Teach the children to play independently

On desperately sleepy/tired days, I have been known to tell the children to play by themselves and crash out on the sofa! Those are the times I am so grateful that they are all taught from young to play independently and not to thrash the house when left alone.

This I did even with the first born child. I have to add this in as some people have commented that I am able to do this because I have the older children to watch the younger ones. Yes, now I have the older ones to watch the younger ones but not when I had only 1 child (2 years old) and 1 baby!

Teaching them to play independently should start once you are pregnant to get the children used to it. This way, even before the baby arrives, you are able to rest when you really need it without calling for help.

And of course when dh is home, he takes over so that I can nap as long as I need to.

Getting rest when having confinement without the confinement lady is possible even if this is your 2nd or 3rd birth. Commit it to the Lord and do the practical prepaprations.

Enjoy your baby!

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Check out My Blog at www.HomeschoolBlogger.com/MamaLim for more of my writings and musings.

There was an interesting discussion on an email list I am on which had one poster asking if it were possible to do confinement* without any help. In other words, have confinement without a confinement lady* or maid or relative helping out.

Well, I am one of the few women who survived confinement without a maid or a confinement lady. And if I have to do it all over again, I would still choose to do it the same way!

Why? The main reason being that I like doing things MY way! And I like my privacy. To have someone - relative or not - staying in my house would be a terrible intrusion into my privacy. I won’t be able to rest when I wanted to.

The main point of confinement* is for the new mother to rest and recuperate from the labour and birth of the baby. Depending on the type of labour and birth one had, some women may need a lot more rest than others. (eg. someone who had a c-section will definitely need more rest than another who had a short and easy labour). As another poster said, confinement is not the time you try to prove to others that you are a supermom.

And for me, confinement is also for the baby. I prefer to keep the newborn away from crowds and people for as long as possible. I do not encourage visitors especially in the first 2 weeks after the birth. And even then, no visitors in the evenings when I know I will be physically exhausted.

So how did I survive it all six times?

Firstly, I must say upfront that I do not follow any of the confinement practices* that  most Chinese women believe in. I showered and washed my hair everyday. In fact, I would shower and wash my hair the day after I birthed in the hospital. I also bathed the baby myself. I also do not follow any special confinement diet. So with all that out of the way, I had more freedom to do things that many other women were constrained by.

For me, there were 2 main areas I would like help with post partum - food and housework. 

Food
The thought of having to plan and cook meals with a newborn baby was not something I look forward to. So we planned to order tingkat meals**. However, we were blessed when my mom and mother-in-law offered to help out with the food area. They became our tingkat service! My mother-in-law would drop off lunch and dinner at lunch time and I would re-heat the food when meal times rolled around. Mom was more concerned that my food be freshly cooked so she would drop by and cook and then leave 2x a day!

Housework
I engaged a part time helper to come in once a week after the births of #1, #2, #3 and #6. That allowed me to rest a bit more. But it was still doable without a part time helper. Just that standards of cleanliness and neatness have to be adjusted - downwards!

What about the daily stuff that needs to be done? Knowing that I did not have any extra help (besides dh when he’s home from work and the little ones) these were the things I did.

Pray, pray, pray

Yes, pray. I prayed that the labour and birth process will be smooth, quick and easy. How I felt post partum depended very much on the birth process. If it were traumatic and tiring, I know I’ll have a much tougher time ahead. So I would commit that to the Lord first.

And I prayed for His help in the days to come. Be it physical or emotional help that He would send when I needed it. He has never failed me each and everytime!

Plan, plan, plan

a) Housekeeping
At the 9th month of the pregnancy, I start de-cluttering and packing the house. There will be no time for such activities once the baby arrives. Whatever that needs to be thrown away/put away/donated are sorted out. This makes housekeeping much easier - whether I took on a part time helper or not.

b) Food
A simple menu with its corresponding grocery list is made out so that I need not be racking my brains to figure out what to cook in the last minute or worse - order in every meal! This would be used in the months after the official confinement period was over.

c) Homeschool
We take off for at least the 1st 3 months after baby’s arrival. Before that, I would go to Popular or Christainbook.com and look for activity books/story books/puzzles that can keep the younger ones occupied and not attack each other out of boredom! 

d) Care of the baby and older children
Since I did not believe or follow the confinement practice of not touching water, I was able to care totally for the baby myself. I would bathe the baby and change the baby’s diapers and nurse the baby by myself.

If dh was able to, he would bathe the older ones in the evenings when he came back from work. If he couldn’t due to work or ministry commitments, I would do it.

e) Night feedings
Since I breastfed all of them exclusively (no bottles of expressed breastmilk or formula), I had to do the night feedings. When the baby cried, I would get up and nurse the baby (our babies tend to regurgitate a lot and therefore had to be nursed in a cradle hold), burp them and then put the baby back in his/her cot. If another child woke up in the middle of the night, it would be dh’s duty to tend to that child. It’s called division of labour. Lol!

For babies #1 to #5, dh was hardly around except at night. So I was on my own mostly. With baby #6, I was blessed that he could take almost the whole month off post partum to help out. It did make things easier as I could nap when the baby napped - a luxury that I enjoyed only after baby #1.

In order to make this work, there are two main things that help greatly - my own mindset : that I can do it and training the older child/ren to be helpers.

Was it stressful? Yes, at times. Although I have pared down everything to the bare minimum there were still occasions when I am needed in two or three different places at the same time. Eg. when a toddler has an “accident” while I was nursing the baby or worse, trying to put the baby to bed!

But like I said, if I have to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was nice to be able to be in control of my own home and do things my way. Another bonus was that the older children did not have to adjust to another person’s presence in the house. 

I hope this encourages those of you who are contemplating not engaging a confinement lady to help out. Sometimes, a confinement lady* can be more of a hindrance than a help, especially if you want to succeed in breastfeeding. Many are often ignorant and not supportive of breastfeeding. So if you do choose to employ a confinement lady*, do choose wisely and if she should not work out, do not hesistate to to terminate her services for your peace of mind.

The confinement period is for the new mom to rest and bond with the baby. Anything that causes stress to the mom needs to be eliminated. If you feel the need to have an extra pair of hands, then do seek out the extra help. But if the help creates more stress and work for you, then it is better to do without the “help”.

If you want to know how to be able rest without a Confinement Lady’s or maid’s help, see What About Resting?!

 * Confinement refers to the 30-day period post partum for the Chinese, 44 days for the Malays and 40 days for the Indians. Common confinement practices include not showering or washing of hair unless it is with the use of some special herbs. The new mom is also encouraged not to touch water at all. There is a special diet for the new mom as well. What this diet is is dependent on whether one is Chinese, Indian or Malay. A confinement lady is employed to mother the new mom and baby. She is responsible for cooking the special confinement diet and looks after the baby so that the mom can rest and not need to touch any water.

**Tingkat service allows one to order cooked lunches and/or dinners which are delivered a few hours before meal times. It is delivered Mondays to Fridays. Confinement tingkat service serves up special confinement menu to the post partum mother daily for a maximum of 30 days.

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Check out My Blog at www.HomeschoolBlogger.com/MamaLim for more of my writings and musings.

As we prepare to give yet another talk on Experiencing God In Pregnancy this Saturday 29th March 2008, I realised that I had not posted our 6th birth on the website. I’d only blogged about it shortly after the baby’s birth.

So here it is to encourage those who are about to birth or perhaps is afraid to birth. And this is the verse that the Lord impressed upon me as I waited to birth the baby :

Hebrews 13:5 - 6.

For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
So we may boldly say : “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

Birth #6 was an extremely exciting one, one that is given as a testimony to the faithfulness & awesome-ness of God the Father, through Jesus His Son. All glory to Him!

Baby #6 joined the family 6 days past EDD, weighs 3.34kg and is 50cm long.

4pm - I have had so many false alarms since Week 38 that I have lost count of them. So when contractions started at 4pm, 6 days past EDD, I just ignored it. Even though they were 10min apart. But the intensity was rather strong so I thought - well this could be it! So I got dinner ready and started preparing to bake Banana Bread for the next day’s breakfast.

6pm - As I was eating dinner, the contractions were strong enough to cause me to perspire. Hmm…this probably is IT! So I sms-ed my dad and told him to eat his dinner and prepare to come over. I finished up my dinner, went upstairs to pack all the last minute stuff - toothbrushes, comb…and showered. The longer I stood showering, the stronger and closer the contractions got. I got out of the shower & sms-ed my dad to start driving over.

About 7pm - I told dh that we should start bathing the younger children so that we could put them to bed earlier. I lay down at the couch to rest while he bathed them. The contractions continued at 10min apart but lasted longer & were definitely stronger.

8pm - My parents sms-ed me that they will wait downstairs till I was ready to leave. They can’t come upstairs to wait or the children will get too hyped up to go to bed.

8:20pm - Got the children upstairs to pray and ready for bed. Contractions now 7min apart.

9pm : Started to sms friends to start praying for me!

9:30pm - asked my parents to come up and wait. Dh opened up the sofa bed in case it is a long wait ahead - ha! Contractions now 5min apart, lasting 1.5min. Prayed for a sign to leave.

10pm - Laid on sofa bed. I’d always preferred to labour lying down sideways and usually fall asleep between the contractions. Contractions now lasting almost 2min long but still 5min apart.

Should I leave or not?

Contractions then moved to 3min apart. Just as I decided that we should leave, the contractions went back to 5min apart!

Then I felt the urge to push. Hmm….leave now? Then nothing. So I continued to wait. Another urge to push. Time to go, I told dh. I made my way to the toilet to relieve myself and discovered that a huge amount of mucous plug had been discharged! Oops! I may have waited a bit too long!

10:25pm Made way very slowly to the lift and car. Told dh that he needed to push back the middle row seats for me. The moment I climbed in, I felt the need to PUSH! I got onto all fours immediately (with 1 leg on the floor to stabilise myself).

Throughout the car ride, I felt the urge to push several times and then suddenly, pop!

“My bag has burst! Pass me the towel!” I told dh.

Thankfully the towel was packed right on top. Dh could continue to drive with one hand and toss the towel to me with the other.

At that moment though, I thought that the baby was about to be birthed there and then. Dh kept telling me that we were about to reach the hospital. But what I really wanted was for dh to stop the car somewhere for me to birth the baby!

When we reached Mt Alvernia, I thought dh rushed out to get someone to help me out. But he told me later that he just grabbed the nearest wheelchair he saw and with that, a male nurse came with him. But …. The baby is pushing out of me and they want me to sit on the wheelchair? How?!

The silly male nurse then told dh to go & park the car - like that is the most important thing to do at that point in time?! But he suddenly changed his mind and told dh “You better come with me!”

In between contractions, I managed to sit on the chair for them to wheel me into the lobby area. But because the urge to push was so strong, I pushed myself off the chair to try to labour on firm ground vs a shaky wheelchair.

But the same male nurse actually hauled me up back onto the wheelchair! So I shouted “The baby is coming out!” But of course no one believed me. He told me, “No, no, cannot!” Excuse me?! And tried to wheel me into the delivery suite.

One of the more alert nurses at the lobby must have decided that I was telling the truth as she quickly directed the wheelchair into the nearest examination room of the 24hr clinic of the hospital where I could see the baby’s head crowning as we passed the doorway.

And with everyone standing around and not knowing what to do, the baby’s head emerged. This comes the surreal part.

No one knew what to do.

Everyone stood standing and staring! I told dh, “Go and hold the baby’s head!” But before he could react, I saw the 24hr clinic doctor stepping forward and felt the the baby’s shoulders pushing through at the same time. The dr caught the baby and I heard her cry loudly!

Stunned silence.

The doctor continued to hold on to the crying baby. I had to say three times, “Give me the baby!” before he reacted. Then like in a slow-motion movie, everyone reacted. All talking at the same time.

And all they know what to do then was to keep saying “Cut the cord, cut the cord!” Dh had the presence of mind to remind them to wait for the cord to stop pulsing first! Meanwhile, baby was crying on & off while I held on to her. I tried to nurse her but she was too busy crying!

I asked dh to take pictures to document this interesting birth but realised that the camera & video were all still in the car! So he had to run out to get it. Then he got one of the nurses to take photos of him cutting the umbilical cord.

After birthing in that awkward position (sitting on my tailbone!) I tried to move into a more comfortable position. But guess what? They wouldn’t let me! They insisted that I had to sit that way while they wheeled me to the Delivery Suite to birth the placenta and clean up!

I was then wheeled to the Delivery Suite. I looked back & saw the mess I left behind. A huge puddle of mess! We then had to wait for more than an hour for the stand-in doctor to check me! My own doctor was on holiday in Bali!

Meanwhile baby was nursing happily and helping my uterus to contract. When the doctor finally came, he helped to birth the placenta and checked my perinium. He then pronounced that I did not have any tears!!! There would be no need for any stitches!

That was totally miraculous to me considering the awkward position I had birthed in and the speed with which baby was birthed! Praise God!

Reflections : I stand in awe of the obvious hand of God on this whole birth process.

On 6th June, dh & I got together to pray that :

• Baby will be born by 7th June
• Labour will be quick
• No tearing, no episiotomy
• Little disruption to household routine

Many people had asked if they should pray for baby to come only when my doctor is back in town and I have always told them that it didn’t matter. I was given Hebrews 13:5 and I rested in the assurance that The Lord is my Helper. I will not fear.

And truly - The Lord helped to birth this baby!

So for all moms-to-be, may you be encouraged as you prepare to birth. A painless, easy, quick birth IS possible - with God’s help.

For Things I Learnt From This Birth, click HERE.

More Birth Stories can be found under the Pregnancy and Labour Category on the right.

I usually get myself all prepared by Week 38.

So if there are any last minutes things to be done, I would have about 2 weeks more to get them ready. But please note that this is due to the fact that I have birthed 5 babies and know that generally, my babies usually do not come early. If your babies usually make their appearance at or around Week 38, then you may want to get everything ready by Week 36.

Packing for the hospital Generally if you had a vaginal birth, you would stay at most 2 nites and 3 days. If you had a c-section delivery, you would stay at most 4 nights and 5 days. But this is not carved in stone. You can always request for an early discharge if there are no complications and your doctor is agreeable to it. And don’t worry about packing too little, your husband or any other family or friend can always bring what you forgot to bring!

Do call ahead and ask the hospital what they provide and at what cost. Different hospitals and different room combinations provide different things.

I would suggest getting your bag ready towards the end of the 37th week unless you have had some early signs that your baby is wanting to come out earlier! Or if you are just plain excited!

For mom

Pyjamas - I recommend wearing long pants for the nites. Not only can the air conditioning get cold in the night, it is also more modest! You don’t want to worry that your nightgown has ridden up when you are woken up in the nite to nurse the baby! Also there is a tendency to leak through your pads, even maternity ones, during the 1st 2 nights so dark colored pants will help to conceal any stains.

Other clothes - Do bring decent clothes to change into. And especialy if this is your 1st baby, there will be lots of visitors! You don’t want to look sloppy as you greet family and friends!

I also do not like the look of the hospital gowns provided by some hospitals. Makes you look like an invalid! Childbirth is a joyous occasion, worthy of celebration. Why would anyone want to look like a invalid?! I want to look happy and radiant!

I suggest bringing nursing tops with either skirts or pants. This allows you to :

• a) practice nursing with it and
• b) be able to meet visitors modestly even if you have to feed the baby. It is rather rude to have your visitor waiting for an uncertain amount of time while you nurse the baby. No need to hide behind the curtains - well unless you are trying to avoid that particular visitor! Lol!

Please remember that even though you have birthed the baby, you will not lose all your pregnancy weight immediately! So please do not bring your pre-pregnancy clothes and hope to fit into them! I know there are some women who can but honestly, these are far and few n between! Your maternity pants/skirts would serve you well in this instance.

Undergarments - You may want to consider buying disposable panties since there will be lots of leaking. Then you won’t have to bother about washing them.

Maternity Pads - Do bring your own set of maternity or night pads. You will have to pay extra if the set provided by the hospital runs out! I much prefer buying my own anyway.

For me, I needed the night pads for at least the 1st week when lochia is heaviest. Then I proceed to normal pads. I have used cloth sanitary pads with much relief. Due to chaffing, I cannot use disposable pads for longer than 1 week. So I only use them when going out only. At home, I use my own home-sewn* cloth pads.

Nursing bras & pads - 2 to 3 nursing bras would be enough. As for breast pads, mature milk usually does not come in till Day 3 and so I usually do not need any nursing pads to catch the let downs while in hospital. But, to be safe, you may want to bring 2 pairs to stand by.

During the early days when the letdowns are heavy due to the body adjusting to the amount required by the growing baby, I prefer to use disposable breast pads. I have personally found the Pigeon brand most comfortable and absorbent. I dislike Mothercare and TollyJoy. Very “pokey” and itchy!

Usually by the end of the 1st week, I would switch to cloth breast pads. Cheaper and much more comfortable in this hot and humid weather of ours! Just make sure it is washed properly and sun dried.

For commercial breast pads, I have tried a few brands and so far I like Avent best. But you will have to test and try out a few to decide what suits you best. I have also sewn* a few of my own that have worked very well for me.

* Details on how to sew your own pads and breast pads will be put up soon. If you need it urgently, please email me at buildingupmoms@gmail.com

Toiletries - This is personal. If you have sensitive skin and can only use a particular brand of soap/shampoo, then you will have to bring them along. If you wish to put on light makeup then you would have to bring them along too. So think ahead and plan and write it down! You may have to bring your own body and face towel.

You may also wish to bring along a pair of Slippers. Whether you are in a single room or a 4-bedder room, the toilet floor is going to be wet. You don’t want to be traipsing in and out in your bare feet - eeks!

Another Thing…

I benefitted much from drinking lots of Red Raspberry Leaf Tea (RRL) in the last trimester of my 4th pregnancy. I bled a lot less in terms of number of days (just over a week) and quantity as well.

When I “cheated” and drank less for #5, I bled a lot more and for a longer period too. So this time round, I am back drinking more RRL tea and will be bringing with me my stash to drink after birth as well.

It works by toning the uterus (some ladies find that it shortens labour but it didn’t do that for me!) and by helping to reduce post partum bleeding.

I bought mine from Moms In Mind. You can buy it at any organic store. I have seen them sold at Plant & Planet and at Brown Rice Paradise. I believe you can even get them in capsule form inplaces like GNC or Nature’s Farm if you dislike its taste.

For baby

Going Home Outfit - Some hospitals provide a going home outfit while others don’t. Call and ask ahead of delivery. Baby just needs 1 going home outfit. Most hospitals will provide a basic infant top during baby’s stay in the hospital.

Mittens & Booties - If you want baby to wear mittens and booties, then you have to pack 1 pair each.

Blanket - The hospitals that I delivered at provided a going home blanket. But if you want baby to be swaddle in his special blanket, then you will have to bring your own.

Diapers - The hospital package will provide 1 pack of newborn diapers for baby’s stay in hospital. It usually is more than enough. But if you are cloth diapering and want to do it from the start, you will have to bring your own stash of diapers.

I hope this is informative enough. As mentioned, there are loads of stuff out on the internet and baby books. So go and read up and do your own research.

And remember - enjoy your baby!

As we prepare to welcome baby #6 into the family, I thought I might as well write a piece on what to get ready before baby’s arrival for any new moms out there!

Before I go into the nitty gritties of what to get for baby’s arrival, I want to stress again that you need to read up and be prepared for labour and delivery. Read and be informed. Then pray and be discerning.

Even as you wait for your baby’s arrival, don’t be pressured by the doctor to do anything you are not comfortable with. Eg. Induction, a c-section, etc…Seek a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th opinion if you need to. And please do not be held back by the maternity package you have signed up with at the clinic or doctor! It can always be terminated and you can be charged pro-rata.

Read and know the signs of labour to watch out for. Don’t go in too early. Pray and ask God for wisdom in knowing the correct timing for you to go in.

Baby Furniture Cot - do you need it? Are you going to co-sleep? I prefer not to co-sleep so we have always used a cot from Baby #1.

Baby goes straight to the cot the day he comes home from the hospital. So I get the other paraphernalia such as the bumper pad and blanket ready as well. We also got a cot that can convert to a toddler bed to save the hassle of looking for another bed when the baby is older and physically bigger.

When we had less children, the cot was placed in a separate area (with a baby monitor) but now that we have space constraints, baby’s cot is in our bedroom. Decide on where you want to place baby in view that you probably will be up several times a night to nurse the baby. You wouldn’t want to put baby too far away!

Changing Table I find this indispensable as I do not have to bend awkwardly to change the baby. It is at an ideal height for me. We bought ours rather cheaply from IKEA more than 9 years ago and it is still serving us well, 5 children later. However, they no longer have it in production!

Pram The kind you get depends on your budget and the size of your car boot! Lol! Our car boot is extremely narrow and small so we had to get a slimly built pram. And if you don’t have a car, then you will want a light weight pram.

Sling Besides the pram, I found the baby sling extremely helpful. I bought mine from Moms In Mind. They are also being sold at selected department stores. There are also many other types of slings and carriers such as the Maya Sling and the much-raved about Ergo Carrier. Check out Love Slings and Mummy’s Milk for details. A sling is very helpful when a pram is not convenient or when baby is plain fussy and needs to be carried. A sling also allows you to nurse in public easily.

My sling also doubles up as a blanket when baby lies in the pram! So glad I discovered it when I had #2. It also makes my life easier when I have to carry a baby and hold on to another toddler/s’ hand!

Car Seat If you own a car, you should get a car seat for the baby. Again, there are many models and variations to choose from. There are those that can grow with the child from infant to toddler and those that are strictly for infants.

A baby needs to get used to sitting in the car seat whenever you travel in the car. It is much safer for him. (It is also illegal to not put a baby in one when you have space in the car for a car seat!) Yes, he probably will yell his head off the 1st few times (months even for one of our children!) but persist and he’ll soon know that when he’s strapped in the car seat, he’s in there till the car ride is over.

Bouncer I have baby bouncer/recliner that I put baby in to lie and just watch the world go by I move it around the house so that baby does not get bored/hot/cold being at the same place, looking at the same things. Sometimes I let the baby fall asleep in it too. This provides an alternative for the baby instead of just lying in his cot or being carried.

Other times I just place a well padded blanket on the floor and let the baby lie there. This allows the baby to practice flipping himself over later on.

Baby Clothes How many pieces you need depends on how often you plan to do your laundry. Baby clothes are so tiny so they dry pretty fast. Even as you plan for x number of outfits, give and take another 3 - 4 sets for accidents that happen with little babies - spit ups, baby poo leaking out of diapers - that happens all the time

But I would recommend not buying too many infant sized outfits. They really outgrow them very fast. I tend to have on hand just 4 - 5 pcs of clothes in sizes 0 - 3mths. And the rest in 3 - 6mths. I don’t buy size 00.

For pyjamas, I like putting them in short-sleeved, footed sleep suits. We do not sleep in air conditioned rooms so this arrangement suits us fine. You will have to adjust baby’s clothing according to the temperature in the baby’s room. Most newborns like to be warm rather than cold.

We don’t do mittens and booties to the horror of many! I really see no point. Yes, they may scratch their faces with their nails but it is ok. They heal very fast too! As for booties, since we swaddle the baby, I don’t see the need to put booties on either! Plus it really irritates me when either the bootie or the mitten keeps falling off! And we do live in hot and humid Singapore! But this is your call!

For those who wonder we don’t wash our baby’s clothes separately or use baby detergent. Yes, yes - again a gasp of horror from many new moms. Just use less detergent and if you are really worried about detergent residue on the clothes, do a double rinse. Everyone’s clothes gets washed together and sun dried.

I usually only wash baby’s clothes sometime around the 36th week of the pregnancy. Wash any earlier and you’ll probably have to wash again since dust will settle on the clothes! After washing and drying completely, I would put them into ziplock bags and squeeze all the air out of them. Nowadays, there are those vacuum bags that you can purchase from Daiso for just $2each! I would place the clothes inside and vacuum the air out. It seals it better than me squeezing the air out manually. Clothes are then placed under the changing table till it is time to bring them out.

Diapers Do get newborn-sized diapers to last you at least the 1st 3 - 4 weeks. Then you can proceed to size S. Well unless your baby is bigger than the average baby! Loose diapers lead to leakages and that’s a big mess when they poo! Depending on how efficient your baby is in passing pee and poo, you may need to be prepared to change diapers anywhere from 5 to 12 times a day and night! So be prepared!

Whether you get disposables or cloth diapers is personal. I have cloth diapered 4 out of our 5 children. I like it but personally, cloth diapers stop working for us when the children start eating solids. Somehow, that changes the acidity of their pee and poo and leads to diaper rashes. So I usually switch to disposables by then.

Today’s cloth diapers are not only prettier, but a lot more convenient to use than the plain muslin cloth we used to use. Diaper covers are also more durable. Check out local online store WhoopeeKiddies for an idea of the types available now.

As for wipes, I do not like to use commercial unless we are out. And I avoid those that have fragrance on them like the plague! My babies often returned from the hospital with diaper rash because of the “complimentary” wipes in the baby bag. So once home, I use plain water and cotton wool to wipe and clean. Then I dry off with specially put aside face towels.

Not only is this kinder to baby’s bottoms, it is also more economical! I buy cotton wool by the rolls from Chinese Medical Halls for anywhere between $3.00 to $5.00, depending on the brand they have available. And each roll lasts me a long time. I tear them up into square pieces put them all into a plastic tub and pull them out as and when necessary.

I also stand by a few tubes of diaper cream (we use Dapolene) to smear on babies bottoms as and when necessary.

Toys It is so tempting to rush out and buy all the colorful and interesting toys you see in the shops! But for the longest time, a baby doesn’t really need many toys. A baby mobile is helpful in occupying the baby when he is lying in his cot. Only when baby is older and able to grasp toys that he needs more toys.

You may however wish to buy a simple CD player in the baby’s room to play praise and worship music.

Milk Bottles/Breast Pump Since baby #2, I have not had milk bottles at home! But I did have to make dh go out and buy me a breast pump after #2 coz I had a very bad case of mastitis and the baby refused to nurse to clear it!

You may wish to stand by a few bottles and a basic breast pump in case of emergencies. For this I really like Avent Isis Manual pump. It is affordable (especially when there is a sale on), easy to assemble and gentle on mom when pumping. I hated the Mini Medela. The motor was so noisy! And it hurt while pumping even though one could adjust the suction power! And to aggravate me further, the motor died on me just after 8 months of use!

Just a word of caution - never pump in the early days just to check how much milk you are producing! It is highly deceptive! Baby is the best pump ever! So don’t be surprised if you can only manage 30ml or less when you pump in the early days.

Formula Milk If you really want to succeed in breastfeeding, you may wish to not have any formula milk at home! It is radical but hey! without that temptation in your house, you will be more inclined to press on!

Just this week, I had two friends birthing, with two very different experiences and outcomes. After my first birth I became a strong proponent FOR natural, unmanaged, unmedicated births. In other words, birthing the way God made our bodies to birth.

And after listening to the two birth stories, I am convinced that the way we birth in modern society not only does much harm to our bodies but also colours our entire birthing experience.

We believe that we have been fully redeemed by our Lord Jesus Christ and therefore, we are no longer under the curse of the pain of childbirth. Yes, labour is hard work and so we must nourish our bodies and prepare for it by being good stewards of our bodies. And yes, sometimes a natural birth is not possible. But that is not the norm.

The friend who believed and prayed for a supernatural childbirth experienced it herself. She was so high after her birth that she couldn’t sleep till the next day! But the one who went in expecting pain and misery got what she expected. She was so tired out after the birth she couldn’t even hold the baby to nurse! And of course she swore never ever to have any more children.

Why the different outcomes? Simply put, one put her trust in God and birthed the way He intended for women to birth while the other didn’t.

Besides praying and standing on the promises of God, what else can be done to ensure a natural birth? Now, I am no doula, nor am I a trained midwife. But there are basic things that can be done that will have you avoid a managed and medicated birth that results in the mum feeling worn out.

Firstly, pray for the Holy Spirit’s guidance and wisdom. What works for one may not work for you. Our God is interested in our relationship with Him, not in operating as a formula! You need to be close to God to hear what He is saying to you about your pregnancy and labour.

Next, equip yourself with knowledge. Don’t just accept what you are told. As a popular saying goes, “There are many ways to skin a cat.” Read your standard books and then read your alternative option books. Educate yourself.

Then comes the practical part that I consider most important when labour starts - never, never go to the hospital early. The more you desire a natural birth, the later you should go in! Please note that if you have a medical condition and need to be in the hospital early for monitoring, then go! Don’t be stubborn about it. I am talking about the majority of us who have smooth and uncomplicated pregnancies.

Why is not going in early important? The earlier you go in, the more you will be subjected to unnecessary tests and procedures AND you may be subjected to a timing set in place by the doctor. (Eg. “You need to be dilated __cm by such a time or we’ll have to induce you).”)

Some of these unnecessary tests and procedures include the breaking of the waterbag and numerous, very uncomfortable vaginal examinations to check your cervix dilation. All these are very stressful events for your labouring body and many times your labour can stall because of it. Trust me, labouring at home is by far the most comfortable!

That’s what happened to my two friends. One went in and birthed in 15minutes. This was her 2nd birth. The other went in the moment her waterbag burst at 5am and didn’t birth the baby till 12hrs later at 5pm! It was her 3rd birth.

You do not need to panic and call the doctor the moment contractions start or when you have a show or when your waterbag bursts. Contractions need to be regular and progressive before you rush off to the hospital. You do have some leeway after your waterbag bursts.

Shows can happen for days or even weeks before labour starts. But if you are near your EDD, most doctors will err on the side of caution and ask you to check in to check you. That is why you need to equip yourself with knowledge so that you know what is happening.

You need to pray to know when you should stay put and when you should go. This is especially so for first time mothers.

There are many other things you can do in the practical sense to avoid a managed, medicated birth (choosing a doctor wisely definitely helps!) but like I said, I am not a doula nor a midwife. You can find many of these tips by reading and surfing on the internet. These three points are what I would like to highlight to you to start you off.

Once you have had your natural or better still, supernatural birth, you will enjoy your births and not face it with fear and trepidation.

God answered all my prayers with this birth - both the inconsequential and the really important requests!

I have never liked to labour in the hospital, preferring to labour at home instead. So my one desire s to be able to check myself in and birth the baby in just 1hr Which means I would like to go in and find that I am already 8cm dilated, not 5cm or 6cm. Another desire was to be able to put all the children to bed before I go into the hospital. I wanted as little disruption to our routine as possible.

And I didn’t want an episiotomy this time around! My previous dr performs episiotomies as a matter of routine. When I brought up the possibility of not performing one, he gave me lots of scare stories and basically refused my request. I was not happy about this coz I had already been cut 4 times! What if the Lord blesses us with 6 children? 8 children? Would I then be cut 8 times??? So I changed drs.

My current dr is very open to natural births if the patient so chooses. He promised me that he would guard the perenium for me but warned me that I may still tear because I had been cut 4 times already. My skin was no longer as elastic as it should be if I hadn’t had all those episiotomies! A scar tissue is tough, not elastic. So I prayed! No tearing, no episiotomy.

And God was merciful and gracious, granting me all I asked for.

Labour started at 8am, Saturday morning but I didn’t say anything though I was already 3 days past EDD. The contractions were at regular 10min intervals. This time I did not pray for my waterbag to burst as I was again diagnosed as GBS positive AGAIN!

At about 1pm, I seemed to have had a show - slight bleeding when the mucous plug is passed out. But it was not repeated. So I continued packing. You see, we were moving to a new place on Monday and we still hadn’t finished packing.

I couldn’t eat dinner but I tried to eat something coz I knew I needed the energy to push I called my parents to standby and got ready my bag. I put the children to bed and went to my room to rest. I started to feel extremely sleepy! So I lay down & slept!

At 9:15pm, the contractions changed! They were still 5 minutes apart but lasting between 1.5 to 2 minutes long. Hmmm….time to go? I prayed for clarity to know when to go coz I didn’t want to feel rushed at the hospital.

Told myself that if the same type of contractions happened 3 times in a row, I better get to the hospital. And it did. The amazing thing was that in between each of those contractions, I slept! It was a deep sleep! I would then get woken up by the contractions & then fell back asleep. It was as if my body was resting as much as possible before the real “work” came. I had to force myself to get up after the 4th one in a row & call my parents to come up while dh & I changed.

10:00pm - getting out of the house and into the car was a challenge. The car ride to the hospital was not fun! I felt EVERY bump of the road as dh drove speedily there. I was so tempted to tell him to drive slowly except that I couldn’t talk. Lol!

10:15pm - when I reached the hospital, it got very exciting Once the nurses find out that this is birth #5, they start to panic and rush. I had to tell them that I don’t birth quickly! One brought me to the observation suite to do a VE.

I kindly reminded them that I wanted to labour on the floor coz I didn’t think I could climb onto the bed at that point in time. The midwife exclaimed surprise and asked if I was having a doula. I said no. So she asked if I had a birth plan and I said yes.

They scuttled to locate my birthplan but told me that I still needed to go onto the bed for a VE. The VE showed that I was 8cm dilated (yay!) but she said that the baby’s head was still quite high. I was then wheeled to the delivery suite (why did they bother to move me here & there?!)

There was now no time to even change to a hospital gown. They just strapped that horrid CTG machine on me. I protested but the midwife insisted. She said need to monitor for 10 - 15 minutes!

Then I began to feel pain coz I had to lie on my back - which always hurts coz of the weight of the bb on my spine. I was not a happy woman. I kept bugging the midwife in between contractions that I wanted it off. She insisted that she needed 15 min of the graph to be recorded!

Then the dr walked in & asked how I was doing. I told him “uncomfortable!” So he asked what I wanted to do and I told him that I wanted to go onto the floor. So he said ok and the midwife quickly relieved me from the CTG contraption What a relief to be off the bed, off the machine and on the floor!

Meanwhile I was thinking : this is really weird & surreal Everyone staring and waiting for me to “perform”. I was so tempted to tell the dr, “Please go away and let me labour without any pressure.” After all I was “only” 8cm dilated & who knows how long I’ll take to reach 10cm!

But I didn’t get a chance to coz the contractions changed. I was bearing down and instinctively I crouched on the floor. (Oh! He offered me a birth stool to help me labour but it sure hurt when I got on it! So I got off it as soon as possible.)

Then came the transition. It felt really intense but the dr was very encouraging, telling me to take my time and do what I felt like doing. Finally the burning sensation was felt - ah! Now I know that the bb will be out soon!

Before that. even tho the dr, the midwives and even dh was telling me that they can see the bb’s head, I did not believe them. But with that burning sensation I knew it was almost the end of the road. The dr told me to lean forward the next time I wanted to push and again, instinctively, not only did I lean forward, I also went from the crouching to a full fours position & baby’s head came out breaking the waterbag at the same time.

Everyone told me not to push anymore but to pant her out and she slid right out! She had passed meconium in the bag tho coz I could see that the waters was brown but she didn’t inhale any, thank GOD! The bb was then passed from under me to hold & I got onto the bed coz I badly wanted to sit down. It was 11pm. I had managed to birth within the hour that I stepped into the hospital!

I had to remind the dr to wait for the bb’s cord to stop pulsing before letting dh cut it & so I got to hold the bb for a little while longer. She didn’t want to nurse tho - just like my 2 other unmedicated birth bbs. Very strange!

Then the placenta was slowly expelled & oh my! The contraction of the uterus after that was as strong as the contractions prior to birth! There seemed to be a lot more blood coming out of me this time that the dr looked concerned enough to recommend a symtotrine (sp?) jab to which I agreed. He then checked me and I didn’t tear!!!!

It was an awesome birth. And it was the most relaxing birth of all the 5. I got to birth the way God intended our bodies to birth - naturally and not propped up in the bed like a sick patient! I was so high after the birth that I couldn’t sleep!

Dh then went home to lok after the other children and they didn’t even know what had happened

May our five birth stories bless and encourage all you ladies looking to birth naturally and drug free. By God’s grace and guided by His Holy Spirit, by it is indeed very possible!

For births #2 and #3, my waterbag had burst before I checked myself into the hospital. So for #4, I had just assumed it would be the same.

Contractions finally started at 1.30am, early Thursday morning. They lasted 1 min & was 10 min apart. Very quickly it progressed to 7 min apart & I had a bloody show. Moved my bowels twice in that short span of time. I got up at 3am to shower & get ready.

Told myself that I would only get admitted when contractions were 5 min apart coupled w/ water bag bursting. But it wasn’t possible, the contractions were a bit too strong for me to hold back anymore & I really did not want to birth at home!

I woke dh up at 6am (moved my bowels once more) & called my parents to come over to watch the older kids. My parents sure took the longest 30 min drive down to my place. I really thot I was going to give birth along the corridor of our apartment! Lol!

When I reached the hospital, the contractions were holding me back from walking normally so the nurses hurried to get me a wheelchair

Once in the delivery suite, I was (as usual) strapped to the CTG. But I was only 5 cm dilated!!!! Argh!!!! Everyone thought I was going to birth anytime soon since it was the 4th birth for me. So I wasn’t even allowed to go to the toilet to relieve myself! I had to do it in the bedpan

From 7:30am to abt 9am, the contractions were moving along from 5 to 3 min & lasting really long. The midwife came in at abt 8am to insert an antibiotic IV drip in me coz I was diagnosed with a positive GBS infection at 38 weeks. I protested coz the dr had agreed that he would give me a jab or an oral dose instead. Unsure of what to do, she called the dr & I overheard her complaining to him that I refused the drip !

The dr arrived at abt 9am & told me that he would give me a jab but then almost immediately changed his mind coz he said I may still need the drip incase of excessive post partum bleeding. Sigh!!! the only “good” thing was that he only left the drip contraption on w/o the actual plastic drip tube, iykwim?

Then he did a VE & said that I can deliver soon. He broke my water bag w/o informing me (grr!!!) & said ok - you can deliver now!?!?!?!!? I was placed “in position” & told to push!

Huh? I was quite irritated. I tried to push a few times with the contractions but instead of the contractions moving closer together coz of AROM, I felt them growing further apart! & on top of that I was getting tired & I could feel the bb sitting on my spine, unable to move down coz of the position I was in.

Dr then left the room (too impatient to wait?!) & left the midwives in-charge. They kept asking me to push & in the end I snapped at them - “I want to get down!” The older midwife was so shocked she said “huh?” but the younger one ran to check with dr coz I was getting down from that position regardless of what anyone says!

I got down and started to push on fours, then on my knees leaning forward, - doing whatever my body was telling me to do. I felt baby pushing down but I just couldn’t get her out!

By then I was getting weary of this whole pushing thing I was soooo desperate that when the dr came back in I told him to just vacuum her out! He told me to get back on the bed & then to push again. Again I repeated - “please vacuum the baby out!” and he said “no lah! you want everything natural, including delivering your placenta out naturally. So how can you ask to vacuum the bb out? You must push her out!” Argh! Not what I wanted to hear! So I bargained with him! but he insisted and told me “you have forgotten your verse ‘I can do ALL things thru Christ Jesus who strengthens me!’ “

I got back up on the bed and praise God! I pushed twice and the baby pops out! BUT with the cord around her neck! So while her head was hanging out, the body had to be “delayed” while he unwinds the cord off her and then she came out! With no cry! She just laid on me while the nurse dried her & then she wailed only when they stuck the plastic tube to suction the stuff out of her mouth!

Meanwhile, I could feel the placenta sliding out of me easily. Woah! After having been pulled & tugged w/o any pain relief with #3, the natural birthing of the placenta this time was a breeze!!!

And then dh gets to trim the cord. His 1st time! And then we found out why the baby took so much more effort than the rest to come out. She was our heaviest by far - 3.5kg and her head circumference was the largest at 36cm!

Immediately my 1st thought was - next time, I will pray for a baby with a head circumference of 34cm!

What did I learn? That thought I wanted the waterbag to burst as a clear indication tro go to the hospital, God knew better. Being GBS positive meant that the baby was in danger of ingesting the infection if the waterbag had burst in advance. Keeping the waterbag intact till the actual birth was His way of protecting the baby from the infection. God is so good! I had no pethedine, no gas mask and I got to deliver my placenta naturally. It was awesome!

But I still felt that something was missing……

This time round, I was determined to avoid pethdine in our labour. And I had thought that I could ask for the same sign from God to know when to go to the hospital. But like I said before there is no magic “formula”. We need to hear from God each time.

Yes, my waterbag did break but the cotnractions were only 10min apart and did not progress. Hmm…So should I go or not? To complicate matters, there was meconium in the waters passed.

According to what I have read, it may signal that baby is in distress. And yet there was an incredible peace about waiting it out. So I waited and waited. I walked, I squatted, I went on all-fours but the contractions remained at 7 - 10 min apart.

This time round, my parents had been called to come and mind the children and they were also hanging around, wondering what was happening. I called a friend who said that I hsould go to the hospital “just in case”. Dh and I prayed and discussed and decided that we will go to the hospital to just check the status of the baby.

Surprisingly, everyone at the hospital was very calm even when I told them that my baby had passed meconium. They did the usual exams and put the CTG monitor on to check the baby’s heartbeat.

The dr came in and said that baby is fine and the only “problem” was that I had to stay in bed, hooked up to the CTG coz they wanted to monitor the baby’s condition closely! That was a bummer coz I did not feel comfortable. Lying down on my back always hurts!

I was all ready to argue with the dr that I didn’t want to be induced. But the dr didn’t bring it up at all and then he leaves to perform communion (this was a Sunday morning) at his church!

But from the moment I had checked in (slightly before 10am) till 12 nn, I was still at 4cm dilation! Althought the contractions were strong and consistent, the dilation just wasn’t progressing. So I prayed. Dh prayed.

Suddenly (to me) at 1:45pm I needed to push. The mideife scuttles in to check and she yells “Call the dr!’. Lol! She claimed I was 9cm but I am sure I was a 10! She said that I needed to wait for the dr, so I took the offer of the gas mask to control the urge to push & to calm myself down.

Five pushes later - the baby came whooshing out! Drug free, pain free, Exhilarating!

And the best part of all was when the dr said that he was going to suggest induction so that he could go and perform communion but decided not to! Wow! The hand of God is mighty and protects!

I was determined this time round to not go in too early!

But I didn’t know when to go in. Also I didn’t know what a waterbag bursting on its own felt like. Many told me that it’ll be a gush and it would flow non-stop. So armed with this “knowledge”, I waited for D-Day.

At 38weeks, I had very strong contractions. It was progressing at every 7 - 10mins regularly and didn’t change in pattern even when I sat up or lay down. Hmm….labour? I prayed. God didn’t say to go in so I didn’t. The contractions did not become closer. After 2 hrs, the contractions stopped. I was grateful that I didn’t panic and checked myself into the hospital where I most likely would have been induced.

One day before EDD while reading in my bed before sleeping, I felt a strong pressure down at my cervix and with that pressure, there was a small leak of waters. Hmm….waterbag breaking? But it was such a small leak. Again, I prayed, asking for a sure sign.

Then I went to bed. That was about 11pm. At 2+am, there was such a huge contraction and with that, a gush of waters came through. But, no, it didn’t gush non-stop. I immediately woke dh up and went to shower and change. After which I called my parents to come over and help with minding our #1.

By the time I checked into the hospital, it was about 3am. The nurse asked if I wanted a pethedine shot. Not knowing any better, I said ok. After the shot, I promptly fell asleep till the midwife came running in and shouting at me to not push!

I was in a daze, being rudely woken up and almost immediately, I felt the bearing down sensation. They yelled for me to not push till the dr came in. It was quite hilarious. A few pushes, and the baby was out at 6am!

IOW I spent only 3hrs in the hospital and I was not as tired as my first birth! Praise God! Now that was a supernatural childbirth! There was no pain! The recovery this time round was even better. The nurses couldn’t believe that I had just given birth when they came into make the bed at 8am.

But I learnt something else - the pethedine shot I took with both #1 and #2 can cause a blue baby syndrome in the baby when administered too late. My room mate’s baby had this condition coz her baby came out real fast. And the baby had to go into ICU for monitoring. After reading up somemore, I found out that all the drugs given to a mother during labour affects the baby somehow.

Much later on, I had friends who shared that due to the epidural they took, their babies were so sleepy, they couldn’t nurse. I personally tried to help a friend to nurse her baby. But her baby was so drugged that he didn’t even have the natural instinct of rooting that all newborns have! All he did was sleep! And even when bottlefed, he only took one bottle in the 3 days he was at the hospital!

Of course there are many women who took the epidural with no seen effects on either the mom or the baby but there are risks involved whenever the mum takes any drug during labour and the benefits need to be weighed carefully againt the baby’s needs.