21 Years Old!
By the grace of God, we have an adult child in the house. Adult, as defined by the law in Singapore.
Imagine that.
And how do I feel about that?
Grateful.
And in awe.
Forever Changed
Twenty-one years ago, this child came into the world [read Birth Story #1] and changed my world. While carrying him, my body changed. And while raising him, my mind and my heart changed.
Watching him grow, physically and spiritually has been eye-opening.
It’s been an adventure. Sometimes stressful and scary, other times joyful and full of laughs. But never boring. Even after 21 years.
Some Things I Have Learnt
Having a child shows you things about yourself you didn’t know were in you. The good and the bad. And as the seasons change from dependent baby to independent adult, the relationship changes further and you realise that you just have to keep on learning and adapting as he grows and matures.
One of the things I have learnt is that the “experts” don’t know everything, especially with regards to my child.
Experts Don’t Know My Child
Don’t get me wrong. Parenting books, blogs and talks are helpful but they don’t know my child. Not even I, who spend a lot of time with my child, do. Only the Creator God who gave me my child does.
And as an aside, as you read and take in all this advice, please remember that parenting formulas don’t work. They sound good and give us something to do but often end up placing a greater burden on us than provide relief or resolution.
Instead, lean in to God and hear what He is saying, and not don’t blindly follow what the “experts” say.
Their Faith Walk
I learnt also that faith is something that each person has to wrestle with God for. Sure, we can pass down our values and share our own faith journey. But until they own it for themselves, it is not theirs. And borrowed faith only gets them so far.
They need to decide if Jesus is truly The Way for them or not. We cannot force them. We can only pray. This is even more critical when they grow up in a Christian home and environment.
Grateful to God
So as I look back on these 21 years, I am just grateful that I was never left alone to figure things out on my own.
Indeed,
My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.
Ps 121:2.
And by the grace of God, he has turned out to be fine young man, most of the times and at least to us. And someone who really loves on his siblings a lot.
In Awe of God
In 2016, I wrote, Wait! I am Not Ready to be a Mother of an 18-Year-Old! You know what? I am no more ready to be a mother of a 21-year-old either.
Since that post, he has enlisted and completed his compulsory 24 months with the Army. And early this year, he served as an intern under Project Serve with Singapore Youth for Christ. He is currently still volunteering with them.
He is also working nights teaching guitar at Believer Music. He has also gotten himself a driving licence. And has reduced his 2.4km run to 8.27 minutes. [He told me to put that in when I said I was writing something about him.]
Even as I worry with a mother’s worry, I can’t help but be in awe of what God is doing in his life.
Giving Thanks
I share all this to give thanks to God for watching over him all these years; leading and guiding him to friends, mentors and even organisations so that he continues to grow as a person.
God is faithful indeed. And He loves our children more than we could ever. I am grateful that God is always there to fill in the gaps for us.
When we don’t know what we are doing, He does and guides us all along.
New Territory
Parenting an adult child is treading on new territory indeed. Trusting God rises to another level. Learning to bite my tongue and back off is another on-going lesson one learns when we have adult children.
As we release our children into the world, there is little in the physical Henson and I can do now. But what we can do and must do is keep them (and ourselves) in prayer.
That they will
“grow in wisdom and in stature and in favour with God and man”.
Luke 2:52.
To remember to
“love the Lord their God with all their hearts, with all their soul, and with all their strength.”
Deuteronomy 6:4.
And to
“fulfil their assignments in the Lord.”
Colossians 4:17.
Related Posts
Parenting Teens – Pray Without Ceasing
First Born, Always the Guinea Pig
Wait! I am Not Ready to be a Mother of an 18-Year-Old
Motherhood is Hard, So Lean In to God
2 Comments on 21 Years Old: Legally An Adult
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Dear Serene,
First and foremost, I’d like to wish David happy birthday. Like with all firstborns, when we celebrate their birthdays, we not only celebrate the child, we celebrate us as parents too. Every Milestone is special since we Journey as first-time parents with this child, Learning and growing with him/her.
I’ll Always remember the article you wrote about firstborns being blessed by the Lord, not really because they are more special than their Younger siblings, but because they really NEED the blessings with parents (clueless) gaining our expériences with the child. 😉 THis has helped me parent my 2 daughters, especially the older one. It has helped me to be more patient and kinder to her and myself as we go along. Thank you.
Counting my blessings with you as you celebrate 21 years as a mother.
May you have a blessed Week.
Regards,
Michele
Thank you Michele! And yes, indeed they are given double blessings to counteract our cluelessness! Lol!