Another Kind of Busy For Another Season of Life

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I used to think that once the children grew up, life would get less busy. But it has not been so. Instead, I seemed to have exchanged one kind of busy for another. Plus, like it or not, age has forced me to slow down so I am less productive than I had been.

Fewer Interruptions

When I had all littles, interrupted sleep was a given and so were interrupted shower times and mealtimes. But now that I have bigs, middles and smalls, uninterrupted showers and mealtimes are usually a given. Uninterrupted sleep not so but definitely I get more uninterrupted sleep than before.

Well, until perimenopause hormones decided to make their entrance. But that is a post for another time.

… But Not Less Busy

In exchange, however, I have to remember which child has what activity where, when, and with whom. Are they coming back for meals or not?

It can be mind-boggling at times. And yes, I have been that mom who has forgotten to pick up a certain child more than once from her tuition class. Thankfully the class is nearby.

And to think that we already do minimal classes and activities. Plus the older ones manage their own calendars and activities. Still, I have to keep on top of the general big picture of knowing who is where when and with whom.

Then, there is the toggling between teaching one child to remember her times tables while researching preparations for another child who needs to take his SAT exams.

So, no, I am not as free as many think I should be. Just like I was not free as a stay-at-home-mother (SAHM) with young children, I am not free as a SAHM with older children.

You Have No Idea! 

“You must have a lot of free time, right?” “Why are you so tired? You are not working.”

These were the questions I got when I was a younger SAHM. Now, as an older SAHM, I still get them, but with a twist.

“Your children are so old now, you must be very free.” “What do you do now since the children are all older?”

Yes, the children are older now. Yes, the children do help out around the house. Yes, I should have more free time now and life should be easier. And in a way, I do and it is. After all, I have read more non-fiction books in the past two years than I had in the past 20 years – not kidding.

But…

Tired and Slower

Everyone seems to have forgotten something. I am not that young 30-plus-year-old mother. I am a 50-year-old mother who has been busy holding the fort for slightly over 21 years.

I am tired.

And I have become slower.  

I am not whining. This is just the reality of life. Our bodies do grow old and tired.

Things just take longer to do these days and the recovery from doing those tasks? It take also takes longer and sometimes, not at all. I just roll over from one tired outing/event to another. Even coffee is losing its magic on me. I go to bed tired. I wake up tired.

Another Season

The children were all taught to help around the house as early as possible – from putting things away when they are done playing to sorting their own dirty laundry, as I have shared in my post How I Manage Housework with No Maid.

But all good things come to an end.

As they hit the mid and late teen years, the children started filling up their own calendars. Some they take on part-time jobs or internships, while others are in university and work part-time. So, they are out of the house more than they are in it.

This is all good and right. But this also means that in this season of life, although I have many trained helpers, they are not around enough to help shoulder their responsibilities anymore.

Back to Square One

So, now, I am back to handling a lot of the chores that they used to take charge of. Yes, it is time to get the youngest two to step up their game.

But as those of you who have had to train their live-in helpers would know. The training of new helpers is tiring. And I have done this five times already.

Besides, it is always easier to do things yourself than to train another person to take over and be patient while doing so. So, I have been taking over the chores the older children used to do (and doing it much slower than I used to) instead of training the younger ones to step up.

This has to change and this will be the next project I tackle. Pray for me!

Changing Needs and Expectations

So, while we have no child in diapers and need to be nursed, we have four busy teenagers and an adult in the house now. Treading tentatively on new ground.

And as anyone with teens will know, they present a different set of challenges compared to the toddler and pre-school years. Don’t get me wrong. They can be fun and intellectually stimulating to be with, but they also challenge boundaries as they learn to navigate the world around them. So yeah, multiply that by four.

As an aside, at one stage, we had five teenagers in the house. Imagine that!

Homeschooling needs also change. The demands of homeschooling the middle and high school years are different. Sure, I use Abeka which helps me tremendously but I still need to keep up with the paperwork and reminders for them to stick to the deadlines. And until recently, I still had two children in primary school, which means keeping on top of MOE requirements and exams.

Exchanging One Kind of Busy for Another

So let’s set the records straight. No, I am not less busy and life isn’t exactly easier. And most certainly, I am certainly not less tired. It is, however, a different type of busyness and tiredness compared to the early years.

I laugh at myself for thinking that once the children are older, life will get easier and I will have more free time or more time for my own hobbies. Maybe if I had only one or at most 3 children? But I could be very wrong because I am finding that we tend to exchange one kind of busy for another as we go through life, whether we have one child or ten.

Enjoy Each Season

What’s my point? I am not being morose or being a party pooper to the younger mothers amongst us. Instead, I am reminding myself to enjoy each season as it comes and to remember to live in the present instead of reminiscing about the past season or hoping for a better (easier?) future.

It is hard I know because in the flesh, I always want the easy season but that is a fantasy. Each season has its own challenges and rewards.

There are easier seasons but they are only easier because I had the tough seasons to compare them with. In each season, I am learning new things, crucifying certain aspects of my flesh that needs to be crucified. Each season is profitable if we have the correct attitude.

As Lisa Bevere writes in It’s Time to Level Up, “Life is all about seasons, phases, and stages. Lean into every level and season of life and extract the lessons God is teaching you. God is preparing you for what He has prepared for you. You’re not just going through this season; you’re growing through it.”

Yes, I know – very well – that when you are in the trenches, it is hard to see beyond the end of each day but TRY.

Be Thankful

View each season with a thankful heart. Give thanks for each day you survive the discussions (ahem!) with your teens, each day you serve up a meal that most eat without grumbling. And each day that you do not trip over, or worse, step on Lego pieces scattered around the house.

Psst… wear bedroom slippers in the house to avoid stepping on small toy parts. Plus you sort of dust the house with the slippers. You’re welcomed!

One day, these little and not so little ones will be out of the house and then as you look back, you will marvel at how much grace God gave you in that season. Hey, you may even look back fondly at those days.

Meanwhile, I am waiting for my time to come. Hang in there, mama, we can do this

Related Posts

Setting up Systems to Beat the Overwhelm
Struggling to Spend Quiet Time with the Lord?
Feeling Unappreciated?
To the Overwhelmed Mom of Littles
This Stage of Life? It’s Hard Too
When You’re Ungrateful for The Parenting Season You’re In

Originally posted on 16 Feb 2015, updated in July 2017 and again in November 2019.

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