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Discipline is a tricky subject. How we discipline our children depends on several factors –

• how we were disciplined as a child,
• what books we have read,
• the well disciplined or ill-disciplined children we have come across,
• etc…

Even within Christian circles there are different ways of handling this subject.I am not going to get into any discussion of why method A is better than method B or C. I am just going to share how we approach discipline in our house.

All have sinned …

As Christian parents, Henson and I believe that “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” Rom 3:23. You can see the sin nature at work even at a very young age in how the child instinctively wants his way all the time. And I am not referring to things that pertain to survival.

For example, a baby who cries in anger when he doesn’t get his way. Later on you will see him exhibiting other manifestations of the sin nature (lying, being sneaky, outbursts of temper tantrums). And he sure didn’t need anyone to teach him. It is all comes very naturally.

Start early

So how do we discipline? We start as soon as possible. From about 6 months when baby starts getting mobile, we start setting boundaries for the baby.

For example, telling him that he is not to touch/play with the buttons on the tv/CD player. I say “No” and then tap his hand firmly. There is no need to raise my voice. When the child obeys, a hug and praise are given. If the child persists, I repeat, “no”, followed by the tap on the hand and then I remove him. I don’t believe in tempting the child. This also prevents the child from “losing face” as we Chinese people like to say. Some children feel the need to prove themselves right and in control. Removing him from the object prevents the need to preserve his “face”. This same method (instruct, discipline, removal) is used for other issues that I want to teach him obedience in.

Be consistent

With all 5 children, I have noticed that when I am consistent ALL the time, they learn very fast what “no” means. At the beginning stage, the child will keep testing to see if I am really serious about what I say. But once he sees that I am, he happily goes on about his own play and exploration, and adheres to the boundaries set for him.

Freedom for all

This also achieves something else for me – I can leave the child alone in the room (for a while) safely, knowing that he will not touch stuff or do stuff that he is not supposed to. This also means that we can visit non-childproof homes and places with much less stress. Teaching them self-control at an early age is a great blessing for him and for me!

No distraction methods

I do not believe in just using distraction a a method because it doesn’t teach the child anything. Sure, distracting him means he will forget what he was going to do – for now. But when he sees the object again, he will try again. This means you have to think of news ways of distracting him again. But what if you were not there? Then he learns that as long as you are not there, he can do whatever he wants.

Self-control does not come naturally

We discipline our children as young as possible. Then, self-control becomes almost second nature to him. I say almost because it really is not a natural trait. A lot of people have passed comments along the lines of “Oh! He’s only a baby/child, let him be.” That may be somewhat acceptable when the baby is really a baby.

But when then do you teach self-control? This is something that does not come naturally & we all know of adults who don’t have self-control. Why else do we now need anger management classes? If these same adults who pay good money to learn anger management had been taught self-control when young, they would have saved themselves & their loved ones lots of grief!

Discipline our children when they are young and then be consistent – for the children’s sake and yours!

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