“Don’t be a martyr!”
I’ve had many pieces of advice given to me – some sought for and others not 🙂 But the one above is the one that sticks most in my mind because it is full of godly wisdom behind it. And I am passing it along.
It came from the wife of the pastor who married us. Reverend Noel Goh’s wife, Stella, gave me that piece of advice way back when dh was seeking counsel from Rev Goh about answering the call of God and what it entailed. To cut a long story short, her point was not to act like a hero and then complain about it.
In other words, if you don’t like something, say it. Don’t do the commonly Asian thing of saying one thing but meaning another. Eg. Don’t need to buy me a present for my birthday and then pull a long face when your loved one takes you at face value.
No one can read the other’s mind. If you’re not happy about something, speak up. If you can’t do it face-to-face, write it out and then email it, SMS it, What’s App it or even snail mail it. But do not act like the martyr and then whine about being misunderstood or unappreciated. It breeds bitterness and resentment. Both of which are bad for a relationship, especially the relationship between a husband and a wife.