Some time ago while I was at the supermarket queuing to pay for my purchases, a woman* with a young child, about 4 or 5 years old sitting in the trolley filled with a few items, rolled up beside me in the next queue. The child was (surprisingly for today’s children) flipping through a picture book quietly. I did not pay them much attention to them as I was going through the to-do list in my head.
Suddenly I hear the woman fussing over the child, asking if the child needed a drink and if the book she was reading was ok with her. The child largely ignored her. She took a cursory sip of the drink the woman offered, her eyes never leaving the book. The woman continued asking the child almost non-stop for the next 10 minutes similar questions of “What is the book about?”, “Are you ok?”, Do you want more water?”, and on and on and on. The child did not respond to any of the questions asked.
I so badly want to tell her to stop, just stop. Constantly talking to your child when she is not paying attention to you is teaching the child to treat your voice as white noise, ie to ignore you, to tune you out.
This is setting the stage for them to not pay any attention to you when you are giving instructions to them. You can’t turn around and scold them or accuse them of not answering or acknowledging you if you have been training them to ignore you from young.
I know many parenting books tell new parents that they need to engage with their young children and stimulate their young inquiring minds with observations of the world. I have no quarrel with that. Chatting with a young child is always entertaining. But can you please make sure that the child is actually looking at you and listening before you start talking? And if the child is not interested, don’t push it.
So please, don’t teach your child to tune you out with your non-stop chatter. Hmm…maybe that’s why many teenagers tune out their parents?!
*I am not sure if the woman was the child’s mother or grandmother.