When life feels overwhelming, getting back to basics, or what is called living in survival mode, is what I focus on.
This comes into play especially in the last few weeks leading up to the birth of any precious baby that God has blessed us with. Because, at that stage, life needs to be easy, only the basics is necessary.
Nesting Instinct Turns Ugly
This is the time when my nesting instinct turns ugly. When I want to just withdraw into myself and be quiet and alone. But try doing that with a houseful of children 9 years and below. Of course, I didn’t have this issue to grapple with when I had my first or my second child. After all, when you are pregnant with your first, you can basically continue to live life as normal – eat, sleep and be alone whenever you want.
But when you have many littles who need your attention and help, you will have to learn to put their needs before your own.
Dying to Self in a Practical Way
And so it gets more and more challenging for me when the Lord keeps on increasing our family size. Everything irritates me at this point. People talking too loudly, people talking too softly. People touching me, people ignoring me. People asking too many questions, people not bothering to ask how I am. Yes, I become even more unreasonable than I already usually am.
And then there are the tears. Thanks, pregnancy hormones: crying at the drop of the hat and being overly sensitive over everything is just par for the course at this stage. Like I said – no fun for me or for those who have to live with me.
And it doesn’t help when I tend to go over my estimated due date (EDD). Ever since our fourth child arrived 5 days past her EDD, every child after her has gone over the EDD, prolonging my discomfort and misery.
But life has to go on, right? And that’s why I title the post Getting Back To Basics. As I hit the last stretch, I start to slow down and pare down life to the basic essentials. This helps me to not feel overwhelmed and it also helps me conserve energy for the birth. Some may call it the survival mode which lasts several months after the baby arrives as well.
Getting Back to Basics
Here are the four things I consider as basics, things that I need to get done regardless of how I feel in order for the family to not fall apart.
(a) Quiet Time
This is one basic that I need in order for me not to start unravelling. And yet, it is something that is the easiest to push aside when I hit this last stretch. It is always easy to be busy and attack the mile-long To-Do List, which makes me feel even more overwhelmed. I need to stop and remember the words of Moses as he stood between the Red Sea and the advancing Egyptian army (talk about being overwhelmed!) :
And Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will accomplish for you today.” Exodus 14:13, NKJV.
If I rush around like a headless chicken, I am taking things into my own hands – again. I need to stop and choose to rest in the Lord and not miss what He wants to do in my life. He is working something out in these last weeks. I can choose to make it meaningful and draw closer to Him or I can whine and grumble until I birth. Which will I choose?
As an aside…
I remember when I was waiting to birth #4. Everyone around me was telling me that she will definitely be early since she’s the 4th child And so, by Week 38 I was more than ready to have her. Week 39 came and went. So did Week 40. I was getting grumpier by the day and complaining non-stop. I was huge, hot and tired. Despite taking lots of pineapples and walking around a lot (we were at the zoo on her EDD!) she was just not ready to come out. It was only after I realised that I was being silly – you can’t make a baby come out when it is not time – that I started to rest in the Lord and let Him take over. She finally joined us 5 days past EDD. And no, I did not want an induction or a c-section to hurry things along.
(b) Housework
I de-clutter like a maniac in the last few weeks. This helps to cut down the amount of time needed to clean up the house in these last weeks as well as after the baby’s arrival. And it gives me something to do instead of moping around and feeling sorry for myself. Might as well be productive.
This time around, I engaged the services of part-time home cleaners to come in once a week from Week 38. So even if I go beyond my EDD, I won’t have to bother about housework. While I didn’t take up a part-time cleaner after #4 and #5, I shall take it real easy this time and get them to come in. I am obviously not as young nor as energetic as I was before.
I will probably use them for a minimum of two or three months. I have learnt that resting more in the postpartum days helps me recover much faster than trying to get many things done immediately.
(c) Cooking
I look through my menus and start planning out my menu plan for this final month before I take a break – yay!
I don’t cook after I give birth. This is my present to myself. In the past, I have had my mother, mother-in-law and even church family help out in the first month and then I switch to catered tingkat food in the second month. This is one break I look forward to.
What bliss it is to not think about food and cooking for two whole months! Ok – so the children really dislike catered food but hey! they have to learn to think of mom.
(d) Homeschooling
I would love to be able to just take the last month off and another 3months off after baby’s arrival. But having done it with the last pregnancy, I shall not be doing it again.
Why?
Taking off school for too long a break is not good for all. Children get bored and into each other’s faces. Mom gets lazy and finds re-starting school a chore.
Instead, I push for all to finish up what was planned in view of the much lighter load we would be having postpartum. But the workload lightens considerably compared to normal days.
Everyone does take one whole month off when the baby arrives! Then in the second month, we re-start our bible study devotions (using Student of the Word which sadly is no more). The pre-schoolers do their simpler bible time separately with me.
In the third month, we add in English and Maths (all), and Science (the 9-year-old only) by doing just assessment papers/ worksheets from Popular. The pre-schoolers do just Reading and Math (1 page).
All things will swing back to “normal” in the fourth month – God willing!
Stick to the Routine
It is tempting to say “I give up” especially to homeschooling when you are pregnant or just had a baby. But as a wiser mom said to me before – Life doesn’t stop when you are pregnant or when you have a baby. It just slows down.
Since we believe that God is in control and He has given us all these children with homeschooling thrown into the mix, we just have to work pregnancy and nursing into our lifestyle and make it work.
And so, we stick to our routine but heavily pared down to just the basics. What are the basics in your family that absolutely needs to be done?
Post first published on 8 February 2008. Updated and edited on 21 September 2019.
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