Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3, NKJV
The Bible calls children a heritage, a gift, a reward. All positive words. Is that why we have all these children?
While children were always part of God’s plan, right from the beginning, children were never part of our life plans in the beginning of our marriage.
In the beginning, after God created the heavens and the earth, He created the first man, Adam and the first woman, Eve. And His first commandment to them in Genesis 1:28 was to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth”.
This command was given a second time after the worldwide flood which wiped out everyone and everything, except Noah, his wife, his 3 sons and their wives, He said the same thing to them that He said to Adam and Eve, “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth” in Genesis 9:1.
Children are part of God’s plan – right from the start.
Children as Gifts and Rewards from God?
But, do we agree with God’s view of children? Do we truly SEE them as gifts and rewards? Not just SAY that they are.
Because we all pay lip service and say that children are gifts and blessings and that motherhood is so noble. That’s why we celebrate Mother’s Day yearly, right?
At the beginning of our marriage, we did not even think of having children. Even when we went for the mandatory pre-marital counselling course before getting married. We did not discuss the topic of children at all. We just assumed that we would not have any.
But did we not see children as God’s gifts and rewards? Sure! But for other people. We were not against children. We just didn’t want any of our own.
Other Gifts, Please?
Instead, we preferred His other gifts. Like land, wealth and riches.
Isn’t it interesting that we almost never say no to being rewarded with a fatter bank account or a bigger house or a bigger car?
But observe how common it is to have people shrink back in horror when you ask them if they would like to have more children?
The most common response I hear from asking that question is, “No, no, no!” Or “No, no, no! I close shop already!” A new one I heard just last month, “I am more scared of that happening than seeing a ghost!”
Occasionally I hear a wistful, “I would like to but my husband/wife” does not.” But usually, the answer or reaction is one of horror and fear that they would be gifted with another child.
I guess that is why our government is struggling with a very low fertility rate of 1.14 (2018’s figures), which is not even replacement level.
[By the way, we only benefitted from the government’s baby bonuses ONCE because we had all these children before they changed their policy.]
Children ARE Gifts From God
God’s word says that children are gifts and rewards from God. But as a society, we tend to see them as liabilities. Why else do many prefer having dogs or cats to having children?
Now there is nothing wrong with having pets. But to choose pets over children is a clear indication that we do not see children in the same light as God.
And that was exactly the mindset I had.
Like many others, I paid lip service to children being blessings. They were great, but just not for me!
There are quite a few assumptions people have when they see us or hear of us. And one of them is that we must love children a lot and that’s why we have seven of them. That can’t be further from the truth.
Never Have Children
I never wanted ANY children.
ZERO.
You know how some women gravitate towards babies and want to carry them? I am not that woman. Never was even when my mother looked after my baby cousins.
And friends who have known me from early days can testify that this is true. They often laugh and wonder how I ended up with so many children.
Upon reconnecting on Facebook and finding out that I have seven children, one JC friend said, “Oh my! You have seven children? What’s wrong with you?” And an ex-teacher I met asked if I had converted to Catholicism.
You can read more in my recent post, Never Have Children under the 5-part series, My 4 Nevers.
So What Happened?
There is a simple answer.
GOD.
God changed my heart. He changed our hearts.
Slowly, we started being open to not just having children but as many as He would like to bless us with, which is a scary decision.
This journey of aligning ourselves with God’s word, to see children as He sees them has not been an easy journey at all. Not every positive sign on the pregnancy test was welcomed with joy. Some were faced with tears and fears, even denial.
Just because we see children as His gifts to us does not change the fact that raising children is not easy. The home is not always a joyful place when you have temper tantrums and grumpy teens.
Tired
There is the physical exhaustion: the sleepless nights, cranky or sick toddlers; and the mental exhaustion of trying to understand the teenage/adult child.
There is also the reality that raising a family in Singapore is expensive
You know, we could easily have stopped after our second child was born because we had what society called the perfect pair – a boy and a girl.
I could have closed shop as people like to say when they go through ligation. We did not need to have any more children. We have replaced ourselves!
In fact, I remember being told after our son was born that we could actually just stop, because… boy.
A Challenge
But God intervened.
He challenged us.
He asked: Do you really trust Me? Or do you just SAY that you do? Do you trust Me to provide for you and your children? Do you see children as good gifts from me?
OUCH!
And that was how our journey to trust God and align our lives with what His word says started.
In an act of faith, we decided to take God at His word and trust Him with our family size. And very quickly, He blessed us with seven children here in just 11 years.
We also have four babies waiting for us in Heaven.
Challenged!
Has it been easy? No way!
We were challenged at every season and with every child. I was challenged to die to self daily. Having children showed up all the character flaws I never knew I had!
I knew I was self-centred but I didn’t know how self-centred I was/still am until I had children who demand my attention constantly.
But then, the faith walk is never easy and I thank God that He knows how weak our faith is. Which brings me to another (wrong!) assumption people have of us. That we are very holy, are super spiritual and are full of faith to have all these children.
But the truth is He met me, met us, at our level of faith and from there, He slowly stretched out our faith in Him. Faith is like a muscle that needs to be worked and stretched out to grow stronger.
And that’s what God did. With each child He blessed us with, my faith in Him grew stronger. He is a BIG God and He is a FAITHFUL God. He has not shortchanged us in any way.
Financial Provision
What about finances you may ask? Since this is one of the reasons people give for not having more children, or even having children.
As theologian Adam Clarke said, “And he who gave them will feed them; for it is a fact, and the maxim formed on it has never failed, ‘Wherever God sends mouths, he sends meat.’”
And this is our testimony.
It is true.
He gave the children, He provided. He gave us the necessary resources to feed (they eat a lot!), to clothe (let’s just say we have teens now and leave it at that!) and to educate them (homeschooling is more expensive than sending them to school).
As a faith ministry, we draw no fixed salary. Sometimes, we draw no salary. But since our employer is God Himself, our trust is therefore in Him. Gratefully, God has more than provided for our family.
Of course, we have to do our part in being frugal but really, we are always humbled by His faithfulness which we do not take for granted at all.
Wisdom and Strength
But He does not just provide finances. With each child He gives, He also gives us the strength and the wisdom to raise them.
Seven children with seven different personalities and idiosyncrasies. Seven sinful persons living with two other sinful persons in an HDB flat, almost 24/7 since we are a homeschooling family. We can’t even send the children off to school and escape them for the seven to ten hours a day!
It can be a recipe for disaster. And on some days and some seasons, it IS a disaster. Those are the days when I go back to my old way of thinking: children are liabilities, not gifts or rewards.
So how?
Lean In to God
This is when the grace of God covers me, covers us. And I have no choice but to lean in onto His grace to survive and even thrive in those hard seasons. Because hard seasons will come, whether you have children or not. Hard seasons are just part of our life on earth.
But knowing that God is in control and to remember to see them as God sees them helps me not to throw a temper tantrum of my own. Because how we see our children also affects our we mother them and how we view motherhood.
As an aside, do you realise that how we mother our children will affect their decision to have children or not and when they do have them, how they parent their children, our grandchildren, whether positively or negatively?
Motherhood is a Ministry
When God changed my heart to view children as His gifts and rewards, He opened my eyes to see motherhood as a fulltime ministry unto the Lord.
And then, I felt honoured that He would entrust these children to Henson and me.
Remember, God does not make mistakes. The child or children given to us is given to us because God saw that it is the best fit, even if we disagree.
Our children are given to us by design, not by random chance.
When I started seeing children as God’s gift to us and motherhood as a ministry unto the Lord, it changed how I mother.
I realised that I will have to give an account of this assignment from the Lord when I stand before Him. So, I had better do a good job of it. These are eternal souls for His kingdom!
Motherhood is a Lifelong Assignment
I also realized that it is an assignment I can’t retire nor resign from. No matter how old I am, this motherhood assignment is a lifelong one.
Sure, with older children I no longer need to physically care for them but the mothering never stops. You don’t stop becoming a mother because your child moves out or gets married.
And the praying over them never stops either just because they are adults. In fact, we may have to increase our prayer time for them as they grow up and leave home.
There may be many other assignments God gives in different seasons of our lives, but this call of motherhood is special. It is never removed – until we are called home.
So, even if a child disowns us, we are still his mother, if not legally then biologically. And if not biologically then, emotionally.
What does all this mean for those of us here? How does Proverbs 127:3 apply to our lives today.
Some of us need a total change of mindset. And may even need to repent of our wrong thinking. We need to see children as God sees them. To align our thoughts to God’s thoughts.
Children are gifts and rewards from the Lord. Period. Even if they are not 100% perfect, have special needs or have chronic illnesses.
The world, of course, does not agree and that is why many choose abortion when told that their babies are not perfect. I am not saying that it is easy to walk against popular thinking. Especially nowadays with the popularity of the Pro-Choice movement.
But we need to align our lives to God’s word. He is the yardstick with which we need to measure our lives against. Not what is popular or what is trending on social media.
He says children are gifts and rewards from Him. Let us treat our children as such. Even from the womb.
He also says that they need to be trained and disciplined. So let us do that as well.
Help One Another
And let us extend support and practical help to one another because motherhood is hard.
Younger mothers still in the trenches, be open to accepting advice from those of us who have lived through your stage. Be careful of taking advice from Instagram celebrity mothers who are trying to sell you something.
Older mothers who have survived the sleepless early days and the drama of handling teens, do offer encouragement and godly counsel to those of us who need it. Some of us may also need practical help.
You know the African proverb,
“It takes a village to raise a child”?
Let us come together and build this village for our children and for ourselves.
Raising children in this day and age is hard. Attacks against our children and family are coming fast and furious.
Let us come together and build a safe village that encourages us to see children as God does. And let us watch out for each other’s children. Our children are precious and they need to be cared for accordingly.
Happy Mother’s Day! And may the Lord bless the work of your hands.
Related Posts
My 4 Nevers
Miscarriage Grief: Mourning Someone You Do Not Know
I am Not Super Spiritual
Motherhood Is Hard, So Lean In to God
Motherhood is a Ministry
Do We Stil Need a Titus 2 Woman?