Proud to be a mother

This is the conclusion of the post, Just a Mother – Part 1.
Go read read that first. Then come back here for the conclusion.

We are not JUST mothers…

1. We are our children’s role models

If we have chosen to be full-time mothers we are definitely our child’s first role model simply by virtue of us spending so much time with our child. Because, guess what? The one who spends the most time with the child, shapes and moulds him the most. This is why we need to be very careful who we farm our child out to. That person will influence and direct his values, his character, and even his thinking!

2. We influence their spouse selection

At the very basic level, how we behave influences our children’s view of how women should behave, how wives should behave and how mothers should behave. It WILL influence who they choose to marry in time to come.

For our sons, they either admire us as wives and want wives like us or they do not respect us and will find someone who is the opposite of us. Scary, huh?

3. We influence how they view their fathers

When they see us roll our eyes at our husbands’ behaviour and/or requests, they too will view their fathers as the lesser parent. In the long run, they lose respect for both us, and their fathers. Food for thought.

4. We influence their attitude towards household chores

On a daily basis, if our children see us grumbling while doing household chores, they will also view household chores as a burden, not as opportunities to serve the family. When they see our hypocrisy as we tell them what to do but do not do what we say, they will behave likewise. If they see us glued to the screen (be it the tv or computer screen), watching K-drama all day long or surfing the net on our iPads and laptops (guilty! – of surfing on the iPad, not the K-drama!) then they will also learn that these things are important things.

5. We shape & mould their values and thought processes

Our behaviour and speech to them and others, moulds and shapes them. Even what they consider important is influenced by us. If we continually bring them out to shopping malls for shopping when we are stressed or angry or bored, we convey the message that shopping is the panacea to life’s problems.

If we offer them food whenever they cry, they see food as an emotional crutch. Yes, we are the main and most important role model for our children. Be careful then, how we live out our lives as mothers. If we see our role as just mothers then they will also see us that way. Because we don’t respect ourselves and our roles, they will also lose respect for us. And once our children lose respect for us, it is the beginning of the end. They will not heed what we say.

By the way, if you want to know how much of a role model you are to your child, listen to them speak to those around them. Pay special attention to how they speak to the younger children. What they say and how they say it is a reflection of our influence. Be careful!

6. We are their teachers

As a homeschooling mother, I know it is easier for me to see this as part of my mothering role. However, you don’t have to be a homeschooling mother to know that you are your child’s teacher.

All mothers teach. From the day our child is born, we are teaching them and they are learning from us. We are their first and main teacher, especially if we have embraced mothering as a full-time call. They learn, for example, that if they yell loud and long enough, someone will come to them. And if it is the same someone each time they yell, then they learn that this person is someone who is trustworthy and can provide comfort, security and stability.

7. We impart life skills & interpersonal skills

We teach our children, all the time, not just in academics but we also in acquiring life and interpersonal skills. They learn from us how to cope and deal with life : how to relate to a sibling; develop basic manners (e.g. learning to wait their turn at the playground, asking for permission before playing with toys that do not belong to them, responding politely when spoken to, and not running off or ignoring the person).

We teach them self-control – to learn to say NO is a powerful skill to learn. The earlier they learn and master self-control, the more successful they will be later on. There will be lots and lots of temptations that come their way as they grow up.

Learning to WAIT is another life skill that we, as mothers, should teach our children. Don’t always give in to their demands. The world doesn’t revolve around them. Teach them that. We want to build up our children but we also need to teach them that other people have needs too.

We have to teach them resilience in character. Don’t let them give up just because they can’t do something once or twice. Teach them to persevere. As it is said – good things come to those who wait. We have heard of the strawberry generation – easily bruised just because someone doesn’t like them or their ideas or because things don’t go their way. Don’t raise children like that. They will not be of use to anyone, even themselves.

All these skills do not come naturally to any one of us. We need to be taught. And sometimes even nagged at to learn it. That’s what mothers do. That is what we must do. We are their teachers.

Don’t put ourselves down

The next time someone asks you for your job title, be proud and honoured to say, “I am a mother.” Resist the urge to put ourselves down by adding “just”.

It is said. in the poem by William Ross Wallace, that the hand that rocks the cradle, is the hand that rules the world. We may not be considered important to the world because we do not bring in any money. But, without mothers who mother wholeheartedly, society will fall apart.

In fact don’t you think that is why society is in the state it is now? Many mothers have been lured back to work, leaving their children in the care of strangers who impart their own (and sometimes foreign) values to the child. the natural bond between mother and child is broken. It is not right. It does not bode well for society.