We are always looking for methods and methodologies to help us win in Life.
Even better if the methods are quick and easy to follow, with a lifetime guarantee thrown in. It makes Life cut and dried. It eliminates the need to think. It eliminates the need for God.
Follow these 10 steps and your children will be obedient and score As in every subject! Buy this course and you will adultery-proof your marriage! Get this 6-month course and you will supercharge your spiritual life!
But, there are no guaranteed methods in this world. There are always exceptions to the rule because we may be able to control ourselves (ha!) but we definitely cannot control other people.
Methods and Methodologies are Not Failproof
You can say that I have grown older and more cynical and that is very true. And so, as an older (and hopefully wiser) person), I would like to remind all of us (because I fall prey to it from time to time, too), that methods and methodologies are not failproof and worse than that, they often leave God out of the picture.
This is true in life in general and definitely in parenting.
Methods and Methodologies Give a False Sense of Security
It is not wrong to learn from a godly family and want to find out what they did and did not do. Nor is it wrong to read parenting blogs and books, attend parenting talks and conferences.
But they can give you a false sense of security when you do what they tell you to do. Because, since their children have turned out well (what does “turn out well” mean anyway?!) their child-raising method must be correct. And if you follow them, your children will turn out well too.
But if these people are honest, they will tell you that there is no guaranteed method for “successful” parenting. Sure they have put in the Hard Work of disciplining and discipling their children but the actual fruit is ALL God. There is no set of rules that if one adheres to guarantees a success story. By the way, if you do hear someone talk like that, RUN! It is a scam.
Some of us do all the “right” things and still, the child may choose to walk away. Others do it all “wrong” but their children love and serve the Lord with all their hearts. And we all know of successful families with a “black sheep”. If their method had worked, then there would be no black sheep.
Methods and methodologies are not the keys to their “success”.
No Guarantees
There are no guarantees in life.
Take the latest scandal in the Christian community. Joshua Harris, author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, who influenced who knows how many youths to buy into the purity culture to ensure a happy and lasting marriage, has to date, separated from his wife, as announced on his Instagram account on 18th July 2019. And then, on 26th July, he announced that he has basically left the Christian faith as well.
It has shaken the community indeed, especially those who had bought into the belief that if one did certain things (in this case, kept oneself pure before marriage, amongst other things), one’s marriage will be happy and successful.
Purity Does Not Guarantee a Successful Marriage
Parents and youth workers the world over loved his book and the ideas he presented in there. It gave them hope that here, at last, is a method to not only keep their children pure but also guarantee that their children will have a successful marriage. Just follow Joshua’s methods and all will be well.
DISCLAIMER:
Let me be very clear since I was misunderstood when I first shared this post on my personal Facebook Page. I am NOT proposing no standards or not adhering to biblical advice on relationship goals/standards at all. I am NOT against keeping oneself for one’s future spouse. It is a GOOD decision to do so. As Christians who profess to love the Lord, we want to obey His commandments and abide by His rules for His people. I am also not for causal dating as the world defines it. But purity should be pursued because we love God and understand that He loves us and hence has boundaries for His people. They are for our own good, to protect us. It should never be pursued to keep up appearances or as a method for salvation or guarantee for a good marriage or good kids.
Or as written more eloquently and with more authority than me by Dr Michael Brown in Charisma Magazine, Don’t Kiss Marriage Goodbye:
“Purity before marriage is still the will of God. It’s still the wisest course to take. It’s still the best way to avoid a host of problems and issues. And, speaking in general terms, as lived out over the years, I believe that those who abstain from sex before marriage will be happier than those who don’t.”
But while it is good to stay pure, just because one follows the rules and methods of purity culture is not going to guarantee that you will have a great or a lasting marriage. And conversely, if you don’t, you are doomed to a failed marriage or never are able to get married at all.
God is Greater
Because God is greater than the purity culture. God is greater than us.
In fact, when understood as a set of rules to follow, the purity culture can be rather damaging. You may wish to read 10 Things that Scare me About the “Purity” Culture by Sheila Wray Gregoire to get you thinking even more on this topic.
Each family needs to work things out in the Lord with the Lord not just in dating but in everything. Every family is different, made up of different personalities and thus we should not ever blindly follow anyone and/or any method that promises you a guaranteed result when it affects human lives.
Remember
So let us once again be reminded that no method or methodology can save us or guarantee us of anything. What we can do is pray and seek the Lord’s face.
But even then be careful that prayer is not to be used like a talisman or a ritualistic chant. Because then we don’t need God, do we? Or we have reduced Him to a formula. Or worse, an ATM machine!
God is looking for our hearts and He examines it closely indeed to see what He needs to prune so that we can be more and more like Him.
Related Posts
It’s Pure Hard Work
10 Things that Scare me About the “Purity” Culture
Purity Culture Advocate Joshua Harris Announces Separation From Spouse
Don’t Kiss Marriage Goodbye
First published on 2 September 2012.
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2 Comments on Methods and Methodologies Leave Out God
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So true! When our girls were young, Growing Kids God’s Way was all the rage. We attended a seminar and decided that the plan had a lot of good, common sense–but it also had some extreme things that we didn’t want to incorporate. We didn’t follow the methodology to the T but incorporated what we felt was balanced. Twenty years later, we’re glad we didn’t follow the methodology–the authors of the series are estranged from their adult children :/. We need to rely on God and what the Bible says, not on someone’s interpretation of the Bible and what they think God says.
Thanks, Anita for validating my observations! 🙂 Too many people don’t think through clearly and just follow the “experts”.