My 4 Nevers

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My 4 Nevers is Part One of a five-part series of my testimony of how God changed my perspective and mindset on four of the things I used to say I would never do or be. Through it, I hope you’ll see that God’s plans for us are not only good but also bigger than what we can ever imagine. And I think it will also help to explain why I do what I do today.

This life I live today as a Christ-following, married, homeschooling, stay-at-home-mother of many was not one I envisioned when I was growing up.

No way. Not in a million years.

And so I have learnt that in life, one should always be careful not to spout offhand, careless and boastful statements that one would have to eat up later on. We call it “talking big” in Singlish.

My 4 Nevers

When I was growing up and being shaped and influenced by the people and culture around me, I made my observations and said to myself that I would NEVER (in no particular order):

• get married,
• be a housewife (SAHM),
• have children,
• and be a Christian.

Instead, I was going to be a strong independent, financially secure woman who went places and travelled the world. ie no need to depend on anyone but myself. I don’t need any god or man to help or support me. I can do it all by myself, thankyouverymuch!

But God has a sense of humour.

Growing Up Years

When I was growing up, I attended all-girls schools (Canossa Convent Primary and Cedar Girls Secondary) where I mostly had fun. Of all the teachers I had, only one was male (Maths teacher in Secondary 2), whom I think was totally terrified of us.

Interestingly, my father did not favour my brother over me. He was really progressive for his time. And so I grew up, never limited by the roles society expected of my gender. I was not required to learn or do any housework or cook. My mother and grandmother (who lived next door) did them all. All I had to do was study and get good grades.

Never Get Married

And then I started dating. It was all for fun. It was not with marriage in mind at all. After all, I saw no need to get married.

I grew up in the 70s where the hippie, free-love movement coincided with the accessibility of The Pill. The movement away from the traditional husband-provider, wife-nurturer roles was becoming increasingly acceptable.

With the availability of The Pill, women no longer had to be stuck at home barefoot and pregnant. So since children were no longer a consequence of sex, what’s the point of marriage? Co-habitation for the win! Or so I thought.

I happily lapped up the glamorous images and spiel spun by the media. I was sold.

Never Be a Stay-At-Home-Mother (aka Housewife)

My mother did not enjoy staying home for us. She felt coerced to be a housewife because my father did not trust anyone to care for me, and then my brother when he came along 3 years later. That was also the time when the government was pushing strongly for women to get into the workforce, using financial independence as a bait. My mother wanted to be financially independent but she was stuck at home with us.

Her unhappiness rubbed off me. I told myself that I do not want to be like her: trapped at home and miserable. Meanwhile, I saw the joy and independence of the other working (marrieds and singles) females in my life. Nice! I wanted that.

So I was determined that I would never be a housewife. And closely linked to this was the next never.

Never Have Children

I was never the maternal sort. Even as a girl, I do not remember playing with baby dolls. And even when my mother helped to look after my cousins who were a good 10 years younger than me, I wasn’t that interested in them.

Babies and children were never part of my future life. And since I wasn’t interested in getting married, children were not a thought at all. Let those who love them go have them.

Never Be a Christian

Although I attended a Catholic primary school for 6 years, I never expressed any sustained or real interest in Jesus or God. Sure I was curious about the girls saying their rosaries at certain times of the year (I had my own even!), attending Mass, taking Holy Communion and attending catechism classes but that was about it.

In Secondary School, we had to take Religious Studies as one of the modules in O Levels. Obviously, I chose Bible Knowledge since that was the one religion I knew the most about (which was very little).

We did the Book of Luke and the Acts of the Apostles. I scored A1 with little effort since I treated it like Literature. There were certain passages that I found interesting but that was about it.

Were the other girls taking this subject Christian? I have no idea. Actually, I have no idea if any of my friends were Christian. No one shared their faith with me, not that I would have listened anyway.

In fact, the one time I was evangelized to while waiting for someone outside Toa Payoh library, I was highly offended. The woman started by telling me I was going to hell. Maybe she was trying to frighten me into accepting Jesus as my Saviour? Well, it didn’t work. In fact, it put me off Christianity. The rebel in me went, “So? I’ll go to hell then!”

And Then God

So what happened? How did I change from someone who never wanted to be a Christian, get married, have children or be a stay-at-home-mother, end up where I am and actually enjoy this life (most of the time anyway – let’s be real here)? You’ll just have to wait for the next 4 posts where I will share how God changed me with each never.

And I will just end here to remind us all to be careful about what we say never to!

My 4 Never Series

Never Get Married
Never Be a SAHM aka Housewife
Never Have Children
Never Be a Christian

Related Posts

My Grandmother
I Am Not Being Super Spiritual
Say “Yes, Lord!”

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