Motherhood is a Ministry: My mothers’ day message

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This is a transcript* of my first Mother’s Day message where I share that Motherhood IS a ministry. May you be blessed as you read it.
(This post was edited 1 May 2018)

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Good morning! And Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers! First of all, I would like to thank Pastor William for inviting me here to share with you this Mother’s Day. In case you have not met my family, I have them here with me today. You know Henson of course. Then there are my 7 children: David, Sarah, Aaron, Esther, Ruth, Deborah Hope and Anna Joy.

When I asked the Lord what I should share to encourage mothers and their families this Mother’s Day, the Lord impressed upon my heart to share that we all need to view motherhood as a ministry, an assignment from the Lord, instead of just a biological or emotional function.

If you were here 2 weeks ago, you would have heard Henson share a little about his new ministry, Archippus Awakening, which is dedicated to the awakening of saints that they may know and fulfil their God-given Kingdom assignments, or what is commonly termed, ministry or call. But the thing is, many of us see ministry as something to be performed OUT of the home. And preferably IN a church setting. But that is not all there is to ministry.

Motherhood is a Full-Time Ministry Call

This is what I believe:

Once you’re a mother you’re in fulltime ministry.

A full-time call as it is. No retirement, no resignation. And no, you can’t be re-assigned. You may take on other assignments in different seasons of your life, but the call of motherhood, that primary assignment is never removed – until death. So, even if a child disowns you, you are still his mother, if not legally then biologically. And if not biologically then, emotionally.

But do you see it as so? Do you see motherhood as a ministry, an assignment as important as that of say, a prophet? Because how a mother views motherhood influences how she mothers, and how the people around her view motherhood affects how they treat and relate to her.

Motherhood IS a Ministry

Motherhood IS a ministry so do not let anyone sell you short. As I had mentioned, we often equate serving and being in ministry with activities out of the home. Something you do for others. But you don’t have to be serving out of the home to be in ministry. Ministry IN the home is as important if not more important than ministry out of the home. Remember the poem by William Ross Wallace entitled, “The hand that rocks the cradle is the one that rules the world!”? And the famous quote attributed to Andy Stanley, “Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be something you do but someone you raise.”

Don’t pooh pooh motherhood and don’t let society pooh pooh it for you either. Accepting motherhood as your area of ministry does not mean you contribute less to God’s Kingdom. No, not at all. You are still contributing, just in a different way. And I think this phrase bears repeating because too often we answer apologetically, “Oh I don’t serve in any ministry” when asked what we have done lately for the Lord. For stay-at-home-mothers, this feeling of not contributing may be even more acute since we are already not contributing to the household income.

A Season for Everything

This, of course, does not mean mothers can only minister to their own children and only at home. There is a season for everything. With motherhood, some seasons require total and complete focus with motherhood as the main and maybe, only ministry. All other ministries need to take a back seat. But only for a season! 

Once that season is over, you can take on other assignments. If that is you now, there is no need to feel guilty and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty that you aren’t as active as you were before you became a mother or get into the condemning thought that you are now stuck at home and unfruitful.

Children are Your Mission Field

Why? Once you have that attitude, you will easily begin viewing your children as burdens to your ministry and as obstacles to your career advancement. If motherhood is not seen as a ministry to you, you will start looking for ways and means to farm your children out as soon as possible so that you can perform more “meaningful” work, instead of being content to just minister to your child, to change his diapers and nurse the baby. So you would be on the lookout for an array of babysitters, enrichment centres and playgroups to hand your children over to. All in the name of teaching your children to socialise and improve their academic grades, of course! Do note that children learn to socialise by being with their parents not with their peers who are as clueless as they are about social norms.

Don’t Just Farm Out Your Children

Now, I am not saying that you have to be a stay-at-home-mom. No, not at all. But just be careful not to farm out your children more than you should be. Because before you know it, you have lost the connection you have with your children to others. Even if it is to the grandparents. Grandparents, bless them, have done their share of parenting. It is great that they have a relationship with the grandchildren. But the children are yours. By the way, stay-at-home-mothers can lose connection with their children too, if we are not careful. We can easily be physically present but emotionally distant.

Challenges of Work Out of Home Mothers

Now I know, working mothers have very different challenges from stay-at-home-mothers. It is perhaps even more crucial for you to see motherhood as a ministry. I know it is hard to be a working mother because you are essentially doing two jobs. So I salute working mothers!

I wasn’t able to mother effectively as well as do my work diligently. We thought I could manage part-time work when our oldest was born since I was working with Henson at his old advertising company by then.

But it was hard juggling work and caring for a baby and having to re-train the baby every time he returned to me. So we decided that I would stop work and care for him full-time when he was around 9 months old.

I have not regretted it. Yes, it was hard in the beginning and certain adjustments had to be made and certain expectations lowered. But we did it and we don’t regret taking that decision at all.

Too Busy Ministering to Others

But whether we are working or stay-at-home mothers, all mothers need to remember not to fall into the trap of being busy ministering to other people and their children and forgetting our own.

There is a certain irony in handing over your own child to someone else to mind
while you minister to other people’s children.

Now, this may not be a popular thought (and hopefully your pastors and leaders do not come after me after this), but it is perfectly fine to focus on being just a mother and having only that as your ministry.

Remember, there are different seasons in our lives, where we focus on different assignments from the Lord. When you are ministering to your young ones, serve to the best of your ability with the Lord’s help. And you most certainly want His help! This intense season is only for a short while. Yes, even if you have 7 children. And that’s what I had to keep telling myself when the days and nights seem extremely long.

Motherhood is Hard

I know motherhood is hard! It is physically hard when they are babies – are they crying because they are hungry or because they are too full? And when they are toddlers and getting into everything, you need to have eyes everywhere! Especially if you have a toddler who loves to swirl her hand in the toilet bowl, flushed or unflushed!

The Baby and Toddler Combo

Then you get the baby and toddler combo. Even more physically tiring. I know. I have been through SIX baby and toddler combos over the years. Add being pregnant to that combo and motherhood can be sheer exhaustion on certain days! Lots of tears and lots of SMS messages to my husband telling him, “I quit!”

The Pre-Teen and Teen Years

Then they hit the pre-teen and teen season. Woah! That season can be mentally tiring depending on their personality and gender. How much should you ask to show them that you care without causing them to withdraw into their monosyllabic shells? How do you correct them without causing them to go into the tailspin of depression and the “I-am-no-good-at-anything-and-everybody-hates-me” mindset? For us, because our children’s ages range from 17 down to 6, we get the whole range all at the same time. Fun times, indeed!

The Young Adult Years

Then it gets to the emotionally hard part when you have to let them grow up, move out and get married to a person you may or may not like! Indeed, motherhood is not for wimps.

Maybe that is why many women willingly choose not to heed the call to be a mother? Choosing other ministries to serve in, instead?

Choosing Barrenness

In today’s world, many women have deliberately chosen barrenness. Unlike Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah who longed for a baby of their own, many modern women would rather mother their pets than babies. Please note that I am talking about those who have made a deliberate choice not to be a mother, not those who had the choice foisted on them.

Modern, liberated women, even Christian women, shun motherhood and go to great lengths to avoid being a mother. Some will alter their bodies surgically via ligation, or chemically – by taking chemical hormone pills which alter their hormones. Some will even seek abortions which to put it in a politically incorrect term, is murder!

Be Warned About Hormonal Contraceptive Aids

As an aside, are you aware that many chemical birth control pills work by preventing ovulation AND by aborting the embryo? Go check it out.

Birth control pills work by making your womb hostile to a fertilised egg, which is the embryo. A baby. As Christians, we should know that life begins at conception. So, if the embryo, (i.e. the baby) is unable to implant himself or herself in the womb, the baby is then aborted. Many times the woman does not even realise that she had aborted a baby that way. Not to mention the havoc we wreak on our bodies when we manipulate our body’s hormones with chemical ones.

The Joy of Motherhood

Yes, serving as a mother is hard but unless you become one, you will not know the joys of being one. It cannot be measured in monetary terms. Nowhere does the bible call children a burden. Children are blessings from the Lord. No matter the circumstances.

If we don’t see them as so, then WE need to change how we view them. Sometimes they don’t look like blessings or behave like one but usually, that is because as parents, we have failed to train them properly. So we need to train these blessings well so that they end up being a blessing instead of a nuisance.

Motherhood Moulds Us

I am not sure if any other ministry teaches and moulds like the ministry of motherhood. You certainly learn to serve without much appreciation. And you literally have to do the dirty work: for example, be peed and pooped upon and have the smell of regurgitated milk as your daylong perfume; You learn to deny yourself: You give that last piece of chocolate to your child, you wake up for the 20th time to soothe a child back to sleep. You learn what it means to depend on God when they are sick and medication is just not helping, or when they turn their backs on you and God.

Motherhood is an important ministry.

Do not be deceived into thinking that only serving out of the home, serving the poor and the needy are important. Be careful, dear sisters!

Because when you spend more time out of the home teaching and ministering to others (all good things, I must add) than in the home ministering to your own children, you are telling your children that ministry with a capital M is more important than them.

Don’t be busy evangelizing to the world and forget about your children’s souls. While we cannot make them accept Jesus, we can show them why we choose to love Him and serve Him. Let us not live like hypocrites and turn them off Jesus.

It is hard because it is easy to spout wise words and nod sagely as people approach us for advice but our children see us as we are. Ever wonder what you sound like to other people? Listen to your children’s speech! Yes, it makes me cringe too! Do I really speak like that? Do I really use that tone of voice?!

How Can We Minister as Mothers?

So how does one minister as a mother? I bring your attention to Deuteronomy 6:4-9,

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

We all have different parenting philosophies and that is fine. But regardless of the philosophy we adopt, the main aim of our ministry should still be to teach our children to love the Lord our God with all their heart, soul and strength. And these verses from Deuteronomy give us a guideline on how and when we should be doing it: when we sit in our homes, when we walk with them, when we lie down and when we arise. In summary, ALL THE TIME.

We minister to them by sharing with them God ALL THE TIME. His goodness, His faithfulness, His holiness. Not only on Sundays, not only on Resurrection Sunday and Christmas. We need to daily live out our faith.

But it is Not Easy

Ministering to our own children is hard because often, especially when they are young, it can seem unfruitful. It takes a long time for the tree to bear fruit. Besides, it is always easier to minister to others. Just dish out wise-sounding advice and leave them to figure it out and apply it to their lives. They don’t live with you and see all your un-Christlike habits and behaviour.

Not so easy when it is your own child. They see us as we are. And we can’t just teach biblical principles and leave them to figure it out. They don’t have the maturity to do so. We need to walk with them and help them apply the said biblical principles to their situation. And then to keep on teaching them and teaching them and then, to give them space to make mistakes. We all know how frustrating it can be when our child or children ignore our advise and choose to act in foolish ways despite everything we have said.

God Gave Us Our Children

But you know what? That is the perfect place God wants us to be. As we seek to minister to our children, often in a clueless and desperate state, we have no choice but to seek His face, begging for mercy. Not only did He make them, let us not forget that it is God who placed them in our care. He doesn’t make mistakes. He especially gave our children to us and not to some other family because it is the best fit. Even when we don’t think so. And so we need to keep going back to Him to ask Him how to mother our children. He didn’t give these children to us to see us fail. He loves them more than we do. Turn to Him first, not parenting forums.

Motherhood is a Lifelong Ministry

As stated at the beginning, motherhood is a lifelong ministry. We have to keep on learning and adapting as we mother our children through the seasons. In their younger days, we need to be more hands-on, place more boundaries so that they learn self-control and obedience. And then we slowly let them go.

Let them grow up, and even make mistakes – in our home, under our supervision. So that when we finally let them go they can soar and not fall. But we need to let them know that we are always there for them, no matter the choices they make because God has always been there for us when we make mistakes.

Change our Perspective on Motherhood

Society does not think much of motherhood and if you are a stay-at-home-mom, even less so. But motherhood is instituted by God from the beginning, in the Garden of Eden. Motherhood is not a curse as some see it. Children are not sent to us to punish us, to rob us of our freedom. Rather, motherhood teaches us to truly love and to understand God’s love for us.

But lest you think I have got it all together because I see motherhood as a ministry unto the Lord, let me say upfront that motherhood does not come easily to me.

Not at all. My children can attest to that. I struggle daily with dying to self. As an introvert, having always to have my “ON” button turned on is draining, especially in their younger days when they need a lot more help, more conversation and a lot more stimulation.

And then to make it worse, my love language is not touch. So all that hugging and kissing they need when they are small, and even when they are teenagers is, to put it mildly, rather overwhelming. And you know what? Sometimes I do not give that last piece of chocolate to my children!

Motherhood Continues to Grow Me

But I am grateful that God has chosen the ministry of motherhood to mould and grow me. And I am glad that He is not done with me yet. So be encouraged that if He can change me and use me for His Kingdom’s purposes, so can He use you, even more mightily, as you answer His call to you to mother your children and view them as eternal souls that you have charge over, although only for a short while.

Before I go, let me share with you my journey to motherhood. And how viewing it as a ministry has helped me when there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

My Story

First, no, we did not start out wanting to have 7 children. We did not even discuss the topic of children before we got married! Do not be like us!

When people see our family, they tend to think that Henson and I love children a lot or that I am a very maternal person and hence we have these 7 living children with us. We also have 4 angel babies who are waiting for us in Heaven.

Well, I was not and am still not naturally maternal. And we don’t particularly fancy babies. You would seldom see either of us carrying babies not our own. Well, unless we are helping out a friend in need.

And if you knew me before I was saved you probably wouldn’t have guessed in a million years that I would be a mother of 7. Make that a homeschooling mother of 7! A Junior College friend I reconnected with recently said, upon hearing that I have 7 children, “Oh my! You have 7 children? What’s wrong with you???”

Motherhood was Not Part of my Dream

Getting married, having children, staying home, homeschooling. No, these were not the stuff of my dreams.

But… God.

He saved me out of the path I wanted to go and put me on this path. Did I go willingly? No. I was very much influenced by the feminist movement’s mindset, having been educated in 2 different girls’ schools, by rather militant female teachers.

But do I regret following His plans? No. Not at all. There are so many things He has taught me through motherhood that I am grateful for.

God Called

After being married for about 2.5 years, God put in my heart a desire to have a child. You can call it the biological clock if you like. I prefer it to see it as God’s hand.

So we had David who is 17 this year. Then we decided that him being an only child was not good for him. So we proceeded to try for another child. I weaned him when he turned 1 and we proceeded to try for another child. Well, lo and behold! God gave us Sarah who will turn 15 in 2 weeks’ time, God willing, of course. We then had our “perfect” boy-girl pair. We should stop, right? Isn’t that what everyone else did?

Trusting God with My Womb

But at around that time, God introduced to me a group of online large family ladies who in turn introduced me to the concept of being quiverfull i.e. letting God plan both the size of the family and the spacing and timing of the babies! Imagine that!

We had never heard of that concept before. And I am sure many of you have not, either. But before we could decide, Aaron was conceived while I was still nursing Sarah who was then 10 months old.

After he was born, we discussed again and accepted and agreed that we would take that step of faith to trust God because if we trust God with our eternal lives, we can surely trust Him with our family planning.

As if He was taking us up on our faith talk, God blessed us with Esther when Aaron was barely 6 months old. And yes, I was still nursing him. In fact, except for David and Sarah, all our children were conceived while I was nursing them exclusively; no bottles, no pacifiers. And for some of them, no solid food even. And so the children came every other year after that. Some you see here and others we will only get to see the other side of Heaven.

Not a Bed of Roses

Did we struggle? Did I struggle? Yes!

If you’ve ever had to handle or are currently living through the baby and toddler combo, you’d know how hard those early years are. And because we did not have live-in help, I had done holding a nursing babe in one arm, and cleaning a toddler’s bum with the other, many times over too!

And then the miscarriages. When they occurred, they were painful. Not physically but emotionally. Yes, even though we already had all these children, losing the babies were hard to take.

But… God

But you see, all along God was with me.

There were tears and there were lots of conversations with God, and lots of prayers that were made of just three words, “Help me, Lord!!!” through the exhausting early years.

He was always faithful. He increased our faith. He increased MY faith in Him. In the early years of ministry, when Henson had to travel for ministry and I was alone with 5 children, aged 7, 5, 3, 2 and the baby, God was there.

One trip was particularly memorable. On the day he left for a 10-day trip, as I drove off from the airport, I came down with mastitis – chills and fevers and all. But God was there. With that, my faith increased.

He has never short-changed us. Even in the area of finances. He always provides and then some! And seriously, what does not kill you really does makes you stronger, even if you’re more tired!

Entirely By His Grace

Maybe you think I can do this because I am holier than you, have more faith than you. Or because I spend more time in prayer and fasting. Not at all.

Only by His grace.

I did not spend hours praying and definitely did not fast. I was a fulltime nursing mom who needed her food. And hours praying? I did not even get to sleep more than 4 – 5 hours at a stretch for many years.

But Isaiah 40:11 tells us that He gently leads those with young. Our Chief Shepherd knows what we can or cannot do in each season of our lives. He is not a demanding taskmaster. He sees the gaps we leave, and He fills them up for us.

Remember the saying, God equips those whom He calls. Since He gave us our children, He will equip us to minister to them. He just wants our obedience. We don’t have to prove anything to Him. When we do our part, He will do His part. He has caught me many times when I stumble. He picks me up when I fall. And because I know who I serve,  I can push through on His strength day after day.

God is Faithful

If you are going through a tough time in mothering right now, be it mental or physical or emotional, trust Him. Look to Him. Place your burden at His feet. He cares for His sheep. He IS faithful. And if you are wondering if you should open your womb to house another blessing from the Lord, trust Him.

So I say again, motherhood is hard. But motherhood is a fulfilling ministry. We are raising eternal souls. We are raising the next generation whether we like it or not, whether we agree that motherhood is a ministry or not.

And remember, how we mother them will affect how they parent their children – positively or negatively. So don’t ever let anyone tell you that just being a mother is not enough. And fathers, it would be much appreciated if you would affirm your wives more often because we sure need it!

Mothers, I hope that you have been encouraged to view motherhood in a different light. Remember, God gave these children to you. He will help you do this assignment for Him. Don’t compare yourself to your mother, your sister or your BFF, look to Him!

Calling the Titus 2 Woman

I know today, I have focused mainly on mothers who are, so to speak, in the trenches right now. Because they (we) need the most encouragement.

Mothers who are further along the road and grandmothers, may I encourage you to encourage those of us still in the trenches and to speak into our lives? You have done your time, you have lived through the struggles of being a new and exhausted mom, help us to view motherhood as a ministry and not a burden. Help cheer us on.

As Paul tells the older women in Titus 2, teach us to love our husbands and children and let us all glorify our Lord with our assignment.

Have a Blessed Mother’s Day!

Related Posts

Motherhood is a Ministry: My Mother’s Day Message
Just a Mother
8 Tips for When You Have the Baby and Toddler Combo
Miscarriage Grief: Mourning Someone You Have Never Met
Do We Still Need a Titus 2 Woman?

*This Mother’s Day message came about when sometime, mid-January this year (2015), I received an invitation, via Henson, from Pastor William Sam of Cairnhill Methodist Church to speak at its Mother’s Day service. After that, Henson and David posted on Facebook about it which a few friends asking for me to share it. So this is the transcript of what was shared.

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