So today, I stand on the cusp of entering my Year of Jubilee. By the grace of God, I have finished 49 years here on earth. It is a day of celebration of His grace and a contemplation of His faithfulness.
I Didn’t Like Birthdays
But not for the reason you think.
There was a time I did not like celebrating my birthday. It was such a drag. My parents meant well but I did not enjoy it but rather endured it while I was growing up. I guess I must have enjoyed it until I turned 8 or 9. It was around that time that I realized how much of a chore everyone around me viewed it as and then it turned sour.
My paternal grandmother and uncles and aunts lived in the flat opposite ours. (This is the HDB layout where each floor had only 2 units facing each other. It was a nice layout as it meant that no one would walk along the corridor and peer into your flat.) It was my late uncle, whom I wrote about in WHO ARE YOU???, and aunt who owned the flat.
How Birthdays were Celebrated
At every important occasion (Chinese New Year, birthdays, certain Chinese festival days) we would all go over to this flat to celebrate by having a meal. However, regardless of the occasion, it would always be the same: blank, bored faces with a sense of duty hanging in the air. We were all there because we HAD to be. It was THE thing to do.
And my Ah Ma would cook and cook and cook. But I don’t remember anyone thanking her for her hard work. Maybe they did privately. I know I did not.
So, when birthdays for the children rolled around, everyone would be summoned to attend the “party”, I use the word very loosely. There would be a cake and there would be presents. After the birthday song was sung, candles are blown out and cake cut, the birthday child would serve each person their slice of cake according to rank and age before eating his/her own slice. Then we would all proceed to dinner. It would mostly be eaten in silence and then we would all return to our own homes or rooms.
THE END.
At every birthday “party” that was played out. I can’t remember when I stopped having it.
Mostly Obligatory
I really, really hated it. It was so meaningless. I am sure the aunts and uncles hated having to first, set aside time for the “party” and then, having to buy presents. Ah Ma must have groaned at having to cook yet another major meal and my aunts, the cleaning up after we left.
I guess it didn’t help that my love language is not gift-giving. So the presents barely took the edge off the tension in the house.
And this feeling of not liking or wanting to celebrate my birthday continued into adulthood. But I was totally fine celebrating other people’s birthdays. When we had children, I tried to make sure that birthdays for the children were about them and not about duty. And no one would be forced to join in.
As an aside
We usually set aside the whole day for the birthday child. He/she gets to choose an activity and meals for the day. I pray that my children will not dread their birthdays like I did. But if they do, at least they can read this blog post and know that I tried! 🙂
The Lord Chided
But one day I had an epiphany of sorts (ie Holy Spirit spoke to me). The Lord said to me,
“This is the day I called you out of your mother’s womb. Celebrate THAT.”
Boom!
I repented of the way I had been viewing my birthdays. It was the day God called me out (apparently I was an overdue baby). And He has a plan for my life. From then on, no longer did I view my birthday with dread (not because I feared growing old but because of the negative feelings associated with it) but with gratitude.
A Heart of Gratitude
Gratitude that God sees me. God chose me. It is He who knitted me in my mother’s womb, chose the family I am to be born into and then called me out when it was time. I am loved. I did not happen by random chance.
So today, as I finish up my 49th year, I look back with immense gratitude at how far He has led me and how gracious He has been to me, despite the sins I fell into.
My Year of Jubilee
And as I leave the 49 years behind, I step into my year of Jubilee with a sense of expectation (and a little fear, if I am honest!).
The Israelites of old looked forward to the Year of Jubilee as it meant a brand new start. (Read Leviticus 25 for more details).
Loans and debts were erased. Slaves were released. Land was returned. The people had freedom and rest. Everything was re-set. They rested and prepared to start another cycle of 7 years before the next Jubilee celebration.
Freedom. Rest. Restart.
And this is how I am viewing my Year of Jubilee. It is a year of freedom and rest, and a year that I get to press my restart button.
A new beginning.
By His grace, I have completed 49 years. What has He in store for me the next 49 years? Who knows? I don’t even know what He has in store for me in the next 49 hours!
But, this I know – I know that He is a good God and a loving Father. He is also faithful and gracious. Whatever He has in store for me is good. As the Psalmist says,
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
Psalm 23:5-6 NKJV
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.
Focusing On My Assignments
But even as I rest in the Lord, I must not forget to press on to fulfil the assignments He has given to me as time is running out.
According to the website, World Life Expectancy, a female Singaporean has a life expectancy of 86.1 years.
That gives me about 37 years to make sure that I focus and fulfil the assignments that I have received from the Lord and be open to other assignments that may be in store for me.
And if I want to hear my Master say,
Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.
Matthew 25:21
Then I must be found faithfully doing what He has assigned to me. And for my peers who are also celebrating their Year of Jubilee, let “Onward and Upward!” * be our battle cry!
* This cry is taken from The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis.
Related Posts
What Legacy Are You Leaving Behind?
Who Are You???
Say to Archippus for Mothers?