This is Part 3 of My 4 Nevers 5-part series where I share my testimony of how God changed my perspective and mindset on so many things.
Part One: My 4 Nevers (Introductory Post)
Part Two: Never Get Married
As mentioned in the Introductory Post, My 4 Nevers, after years of disdaining marriage, God intervened and I got married in 1995. And, like everybody else, I bought into the double-income-no-kids lifestyle.
The DINK Lifestyle
Therefore, giving up my job to become a housewife was something alien to me. None of my peers did that. Why would anyone want to do that voluntarily? My parents, after all, sacrificed much to put me through university.
And so, I continued working in my public relations job. We went where we wanted to go, slept in, stayed up, did whatever caught our fancy and basically lived for ourselves.
Life was really easy since there were only two of us. I didn’t have to cook. We ate out all three meals and our house was easily maintained with a once a week vacuum and mop. After all, we spent more time out of the house than in it.
Never Be A Stay-At-Home-Mother
But when we had our first child, I had to take back one more never I had uttered in arrogance before children were even an idea in my life: that I would Never be a Stay-At-Home-Mother.
When I became pregnant with our firstborn, our grand plan was to have my parents care for him while I worked part-time. By then, I had joined Henson in his family-owned, advertising agency. Working part-time was a great solution – or so we thought.
Part-Time Working Mother
And so, all preparations were made with that in mind. After my maternity leave, I returned to work. To start out slow, I only worked 2 to 3 days of the week and only in the mornings.
So we would send David to my parents’ place and I will pick him up after lunch to head home. This went on for a few months. Sounds good, right? And very doable. Yet, it did not work out.
Truly, I salute all working mothers (part or full time) juggling work and motherhood, especially when the children are very young. I found it hard to focus on either job. Also, the stress and exhaustion of travelling up and down, as well as the need to pump a sufficient amount of breastmilk for his needs, took its toll on me.
And then there was the undoing of what was done at the grandparents’ daily. They meant well but our parenting styles are different. I either had to give up how I wanted things done or I had to undo what they did when he was home with me.
Rather unproductive.
20 Years and Counting
So Henson and I had our discussions, prayed about it and decided that I would stop work and focus just on raising David. At least for the first few years. And that is how I ended up being a stay-at-home-mother at the beginning of 1999.
It has been 20 years of being a stay-at-home-mother. By God’s grace, many more children have been added since then to make me a very busy stay-at-home-mother.
No, it hasn’t been easy. Yes, income is reduced and the workload increased. But God always provided. And the peace that came with the adjustment made it all worthwhile.
But my parents were not happy. I was the first grandchild on both sides to graduate from our local university. No one understood why a university graduate would choose to be a housewife. It is hard to be a disappointment to one’s parents but I have no regrets.
My Assignment From The Lord
As I shared in my mother’s day post Motherhood Is A Ministry, ministry work for the Lord need not happen only out of the home. God has placed us IN our homes for a reason.
But you don’t have to be serving out of the home to be in ministry. Ministry IN the home is as important, if not more important, than ministry out of the home. ~ from Motherhood is a Ministry
Staying home, raising and homeschooling the children: these are all assignments from the Lord for this season of my life. Yes, it is a long season, but in the larger scheme of things, a short one.
Because I am home fulltime, my ministry field is largely within the confines of our home – the children are ministered to and discipled whether they know it or like it. In the process, He is also moulding me further for His kingdom purposes and has also slowly enlarged my ministry field with this blog He asked me to start back in 2004.
His Grace is Sufficient
As I walk with Him daily, I continually learn that indeed, His grace is sufficient for me and that His power works best in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9, NLT.
And I believe that if you are a stay-at-home-mother you totally get this. Especially when you are in the season of little ones. These are the physically tiring days. I used to give thanks daily that I survived yet another day and that everyone else survived me.
Only by His grace!
Deny Ourselves, Take Up Our Crosses
As followers of Jesus Christ, we are called to deny ourselves and take up our crosses daily. And nothing shouts denying ourselves and taking up our crosses daily than being a stay-at-home-mother to little ones who depend on you for everything from the moment they wake up to when they finally go to sleep.
And when you add managing housework and cooking when you never had to cook or clean, woah! Holy Spirit power I need you!
A Privilege
It has been a humbling yet enriching and rewarding journey. It is indeed a privilege and honour to be a stay-at-home-mother, a role that I had previously pooh-poohed at. A role not to be taken lightly.
Yes, there are sacrifices (financial, personal) to be made and there is hard work involved (especially when one does not have outside help), but it is nonetheless a privilege to be able to stay home. We get to care for our own children hands on, we learn what makes them tick and we get to impart our values to them directly, daily.
I know there are studies (aren’t there always?) that prove that quality time is better than quantity time. But honestly, a young child does not know how to differentiate this until he is much older. To him, out of sight is out of mind. We know how short a young child’s attention span is.
God Changed My Heart
But I have not always thought or felt this way. And even when we made the decision that I would stay home, we thought we were just being practical. But on hindsight, it was a move of God, again.
There are many, many benefits of having a stay-at-home-mother for the children (e.g. stability) and even for the husband (e.g. peace of mind), but the desire to even want to do so must come from God. Our hearts must be turned TO our children.
After all, society does not accord us much value or status – just look at the tax breaks and subsidies a working mother gets versus a stay-at-home one. It definitely made more sense for me to continue working, not just to make use of my university degree, but also, to provide a financial safety net by bringing in a second income.
But when God turns our hearts TO our children, we will change our mindsets and our tightly held but misaligned values to be able to see motherhood as one of many godly assignments in His kingdom. And to realise that ministering and discipling our children is as important as ministering and discipling those out of our homes.
Yes, there are those who truly cannot afford to or are able to stay home full time. But there are also many who choose not to stay home because of the worldly mindset that we have been influenced by. We think that our children need more toys, more enrichment classes, more vacation time, more clothes. More, more, more. Do they?
God Increased Our Faith
As God changed my heart towards my child/ren, He also increased both Henson’s and my faith as we took the step to live on one income. In faith, we stepped out and trusted that He would provide. That we could make it on one income. This became increasingly important as He blessed us with more children as Henson shared in his blog post, Rising Costs. Rising Faith? We testify that God has been so very faithful even when fear and worry sometimes threaten to overwhelm us.
So I say again… Only God.
At A Crossroad?
If you are perhaps at a crossroad and thinking if staying home with your children is what you should do, head over and read, What is God Calling You To?
Next Post: Never Have Children
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