If I had a dollar every time I am asked how I cope with raising and homeschooling 7 children without a maid or help from in-laws or parents, I would be a millionaire by now! But having said that, I am not sure exactly how to answer them.
The Spiritual Answer
Because the answer of, “truly it is God who enables me” is exactly what people do not want to hear.
I do not have any special tools except my 2 trusty iRobots: Roomba and Scooba. Neither do I possess any magical powers. And I definitely do not have a secret team of elves or minions hidden somewhere, unless I think of my children as that 😛
So while the spiritual answer IS true, I am also aware that we are physical beings living in a physical world. And our attitudes do play a huge part in how we live out our lives – with joy or with grumbling.
But let me share with you some practical tips that have helped me through the years. As always, take what helps you and ignore those that do not work for you.
Setting Up Routines to Beat the Overwhelm
This is one of my favourite pieces of advice that I dish out to people asking how I manage when I see their eyes glaze over when I reply that it is God who empowers me 😀
What are Routines?
A routine is something that you do day in, day out, without much thought. Our daily routine goes like this :
Wake up >>> wash up/shower >>> breakfast >>>school >>> lunch >>> school >>> free time >>> dinner >>> shower >>> more free time >>> bedtime.
This routine is familiar with everyone in my family. It has been performed since forever! There is no need to figure out what to do each day. It does not matter what time one wakes up. The routine is operational from the moment one is awake. When it is a non-school day, it’s free time galore! Lol! But mealtimes, chores and personal hygiene continues.
Boring as it may sound (depending on your personality type), routines eliminate decision fatigue and reduce those annoying “what are we going to do?” questions from the children when everyone (especially me) is tired.
Mealtimes and Bedtimes
To anchor our days, breakfast/lunch/dinner and bedtimes are fixed although this has become more fluid now that I do not have toddlers who have meltdowns if I do not feed them or send them off to bed at the right time. When the children were much younger, the times for meals and bedtimes were almost carved in stone – for my sanity sake. Although I am sure I drove the other people around me nuts (read : grandparents and husband). Lol! I did not vascillate from them unless something really important was happening.
The beauty of having this routine is that even the children know what is happening when. There is no need to cajole them to get ready for bed or meals once they get the hang of it.
Routines Versus Schedules
I very much prefer routines to schedules because if you think routines are rigid, schedules are even more so. Schedules run on timing. For example: wake up at 7:30am. Breakfast at 8am. Chores at 8:30am. Schoolwork at 9am.
This is what Managers of Their Homes (MOTH) by the Maxwells advocates. I bought and used her system for a while but I could never make it work because …. Life happens when you have a houseful of children! Yes, Teri Maxwell has 8 children and she was able to pull it off.
The system, however, made me more stressed as I often felt like I was always running late. Plus I had to keep barking at the children to keep on time. Not practical when dealing with babies and toddlers. Going with routines was a much better fit for our family.
If you cannot stick to a routine because of your husband’s work, or the way your family’s dynamics work, just work with what you have. Even if it is just a morning routine or even afternoon routine. Just find something you can do routinely. That certainty, even if it is just for 2 hours a day, does help the children feel secure, especially when they are younger.
Sacrifices Made
Yes, it is true that that both the children and I had to miss out on certain activities when they were younger due to our routines. I almost never, never go out at night or have people over in the house at night either. If we needed to be out (e.g. grandparent’s birthday dinner, etc), I would request for the celebrations to be held earlier because we would need to leave for home by 8pm. Late bedtimes and chaotic timings on a long-term basis result in cranky kids and a cranky mom – both not viable options. So I declined A LOT of invitations. And my husband had to attend many events alone.
I know not many people can accept this and I am not saying that this is THE way. It was the best way for me. It worked very well for my introverted nature. Besides, it bought me a lot of free, alone time in the evenings! And this was also how we had our date nights at home!
Related Post: How Date Nights Can Happen Even Without Babysitters
Morning Routines
Many mothers tout the beauty of waking up before the children, even if it was just 15 minutes earlier. This never worked for me when I had a baby or a toddler. Somehow, they all had that in-built antenna that just knew when I was awake and am trying to start the day without them. No matter how quiet I was, they would just know, even those who slept in their own beds and in their own rooms. So annoying, right?
So while I understood, appreciated and wanted desperately to wake up before them, I couldn’t. So I gave up. If you can and do, more power to you! Because it is indeed nice to be able to get a head start on the day. I learnt to work with what I had.
But early this year, I started doing my morning routine after reading the The 5 AM Miracle: Dominate Your Day Before Breakfast and doing the Make Over Your Mornings eCourse. Guess what? Now that I do not have babies or toddlers, I can have my morning routine without anyone hollering for me. It is an amazing feeling indeed.
Evening Routines
Although the Morning Routine is new to me, the Evening Routine is not. My “secret” back in the days of more littles than bigs were in my Evening Routines. Having an evening routine was what was most helpful to me. This began with getting into the routine of early bedtimes for the children. Once the children were in bed, I would start prepping for the next day.
I would start with making my To-Do List and check my calendar to make sure I do not miss out any appointments I needed to keep. Then I would prioritise the different chores I want to attack the next day and the schoolwork that had to be done.
Make Over Your Mornings and Make Over Your Evenings
Nowadays, there is a plethora of help out in the internet world to get this done! So I decided to check out Crystal Paine’s Make Over Your Mornings and Make Over Your Evenings eCourses a few months back to see how I can up my game. Watching her eCourses helped remind me that the principle of setting up routines remain the same whether one has babies or teenagers or even if you have no children.
Since I have always had an evening routine, it was a refresher course for me although I have become a lot more intentional about it and actually following it through. The problem with doing this motherhood gig for so long is that I can just wing it on many levels. I had to be a lot more disciplined when the children were younger and needed more help than are able to give help.
The 2 eCourses are simple to do because each lesson is only 4 to 6 minutes long. Great for mothers! There are a total of 14 lessons per course and there is an accompanying workbook to go with each lesson. As a mother of 3 who also runs a successful internet business, Crystal has deliberately kept each lesson short because moms just do not have the time to sit and leisurely watch an hour-long lesson, no matter how educational or entertaining.
Helpful for New Moms
If staying home and managing on your own is new territory for you, do consider checking out these 2 eCourses.They will definitely help you get things right from the start. If you are a more experienced mother, it will help to remind you of certain things that you could have let go off which were actually helpful to your day. That was certainly the case for me! I had let certain things go 🙁
Want to find out more? Click on Make Over Your Evenings and Make Over Your Mornings for more details.
Next Post…
Check out Setting Up Systems to Beat the Overwhelm.
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