So we are now officially in the Year of the Goat. The visiting and feasting, the receiving and giving of ang pows (or red packets) are generally completed although technically, Chinese New Year lasts 15 days.
Chinese New Year – A Non-Event
And, as usual, it is a non-event for us, much to the chagrin of the traditionalists. And it has been this way since I got married and moved out of my family home.
This year, we did the required Chinese New Year reunion dinner at my parents-in-law’s place. The next day we visited them again and two other aunts. The day after, we visited another aunt and my parents.
The End. 😀
Oh and we almost never do the spring cleaning or buy new clothes unless I see something nice on sale.
In Days of Old
Back in the old days, Chinese New Year was a time of great celebration. This was because families could only come together and enjoy each other’s company once a year. It was a time when loved ones would make their annual sojourn back to their family homes. And being an agricultural society, getting to eat the fruit of their labour.
So, there were new clothes to be bought and homes to be spring cleaned. However, in today’s modern climate, how much of these rituals are relevant? And should we keep on doing them just for tradition’s sake even though it makes no sense? And in some cases, cause undue stress?
But today …
New clothes and shoes are bought all year round, as and when the need arises, and even when it doesn’t. Special food previously only available during Chinese New Year (think bak kwa) is also available all year round and with all the meddling mankind wrecks on nature, even previously seasonal fruits are available almost all year round. There is almost nothing to look forward to.
Re-connecting with Family
And so we come to the other reason for celebrating Chinese New Year – reconnecting with family. Sadly, most of us look upon this supposedly joyous occasion with dread. And so, we dutifully visit relatives we don’t know just because our parents say we are to do so.
Then we endure the longest 30 minutes at each home, stuff our faces with unhealthy snacks to while away the terminally long 30 minutes. Get or give some ang pows, depending on our marital status. Make small talk and endure the usual questions: for children – about school, for singles – about their single status, for the married – about the childbearing ability or lack thereof. All probing, nosy questions that suddenly are fine to ask just because it is Chinese New Year.
Choosing to Escape Instead
Is it no wonder that more are choosing to avoid the so-called celebrations by booking a short vacation far away from probing relatives.
But should this be our attitude? Now that I am older and have children of my own, I see the value of such occasions to celebrate family, as our Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong says. And yet mindless visiting and duty-bound rituals hardly help to bond us. In fact, it can serve to drive a wedge between the generations.
As a child, I had no choice but to follow my parents around until I married “out” and could officially bow out of the visiting of my maternal relatives. (My mother is the oldest of 10 children.) My brother, until today, has to do the rounds with or without my parents in tow. Yes, he hates it but he does it out of duty and also to avoid the drama that will ensue if he chooses not to do it. 😛
Duty Bound or Love Driven
I have come to notice that many of these traditions are performed not with understanding and joy but with dread and duty. We do what we do so as to not incur the wrath of our parents or because it has been ingrained in us that we just have to do it.
Our sense of duty comes into play. We buy new clothes, spring clean, open our houses for visits and then make reciprocal return visits all because we have to. Sure, some of us blessed with the gift of hospitality do so with joy and anticipation. But those who are not often feel forced to do so just because.
Same Attitude Towards God?
That got me thinking that this have to do it attitude also permeates through to our relationship with God. 🙁 We have to attend Church, we have to do our devotions, we have to belong to a small/cell/life group, etc…
But God does not want us coming to Him and fulfilling our assignments with that attitude. It must sadden Him when we merely perform what is required just because.
But I digress.
I guess the only way reconnecting with relatives isn’t a chore and a duty is when we have a relationship with them. So the simple solution is to have close family ties throughout the year. But… we all know that is easier said than done, right? After all, I have come to the conclusion that we all come from dysfunctional families. It is the only the degree of dysfunctionality that sets one family as broken versus one that is not.
We Need Jesus
O, how we all need Jesus!
That we may reconcile with our families and put to death the disappointments, the bitterness, and the unforgiveness. I guess I must be growing older to start meditating on such matters instead of just stuffing my face silly to avoid thinking about it 🙂
Still, have a Blessed Chinese New Year! We do have much to give thanks for despite our brokenness.
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