For every new mom who survives the confinement period without tears and depression, there are probably 10 moms who didn’t 🙁
Being a new mom is a terribly frightening experience. Now, there’s a helpless human being who looks to you for answers and help. But you don’t have all the answers. Most times you are too sleep deprived to even know what day or time it is!
So how does one survive?
Let me just say it as it is – all of us have to go through this baptism of fire 🙂 No matter how prepared you are, you are never prepared enough. And even if you have had several children before, each newborn brings a different set of challenges so you will often feel like a new mom all over again.
But having said that, a well-prepared mother is better equipped than an ill-informed one. So I believe there are ways to survive this period with a little less trauma 🙂
Books and more books
This is especially for 1st time moms. Read, read and read some more! But even as you read, bear in mind that life is not a textbook and your child is a unique created being. Just because the book says a baby should sleep 22 hours out of the 24 hours does not mean your baby will sleep 22 hours. And just because the book says most babies feed every 3hours doesn’t mean yours will feed every 3 hours.
When you read, keep a lookout for the PRINCIPLE behind the advice. Don’t just follow the advice blindly.
Get real life support
Then get in touch with moms you trust and respect. Observe the moms around you even before you birth. Understand their philosophy of life and ask yourself if you’d like to learn from them. If yes, get to know them!
Your mom, mil, sister, sil, friends, colleagues, etc can be good sources of help. Talk to them, learn from them. Ask them questions. They would be more than happy to share with you their success stories as well as steer you away from what did not work for them.
And as you search for your real life support, I suggest you narrow it down to 2 or 3 persons that you will turn to after the baby arrives. While a variety of opinions add spice to life, it can also serve to confuse the new mom.
Eg. If you believe in attachment parenting, then stick to those who believe in it. If you believe, instead, in a parent-led philosophy, then make sure you seek advice from those who practice it. Otherwise the opposing views will just serve to make you more stressed and confused.
Online help
There are countless of moms forums out there in cyberspace. But again, in every forum there’ll be a multitude of parenting philosophies. They can serve to confuse rather than be helpful. Choose carefully.
Go with the flow
This would be the most lifesaving tip I, myself have learnt. Even as you search for answers in books and real life support, learn to go with the flow. There will be days where it will seem nothing works. The baby just keeps crying/nursing/ would not be put down, etc.
That’s when you need to learn to just go with the flow. Live each day, an hour at a time, even 15 minutes at a time, if that helps. Don’t think of the long stretch ahead. Make everything bite size.
For example, even if you are a believer in parent-led feeding but no matter how you try, the baby wants to feed every hour on the hour, so be it. Let him. It will keep you sane. Re-institute the routine later on, when the baby is more mature and you are calmer. Go with the flow.
And the most important of all…
Pray
Even as you read and seek advice from those you admire, do not forget God! he gave you this baby, He will guide you on how to care for him. He will be the one who will lead you to the right books, the right person, the right forum. Keep asking Him for help, to lead you.
So if you are mom-to-be, start doing your homework now and get to know moms you trust and respect. And if you are already a new mom struggling, don’t give up. It’s never too late to start looking for support and reading up.
Above all, enjoy your baby!
* Look out for Common Issues New Moms Struggle With *
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My personal musings are found at Building An Ark in Singapore.