Some time back, I came across a blog article, No fuss parenting – teach kids to sit still. She shared how she taught her young children to sit through church services, and other occasions without meltdowns. Her piece resonated with me since that was what I used to do.
Yes, it IS possible to teach your young ones to sit through a service.Start young and early, start at home and work on obedience. But if you have missed that window of opportunity, all is not lost. As with everything else, it is more difficult when they are older but they can still be taught.
Start young and early
I have always brought our babies into church services with us and would usually sit through the service with them. In the early days it was easy enough as I would time their naps to happen sometime during service. That would take care of at least 1/2 of the service. 🙂 Then I would nurse them for at least another 15 to 20 minutes. Yes, I nursed all my babies in church, during service, with and without nursing clothes (never a nursing cover though as I found that too conspicuous). The earlier you get them used to being in the service, the better.
Sure, they would fuss every now and then but I would persist in teaching them to be quiet and be content with whatever (quiet) toys or board books I brought along. Occasionally I would bring them out to stretch their legs a little and then bring them right back in. I may even have to carry them for the last part of the service, but I would do it. Soon enough, they “got the message” and learnt what’s expected of them and would sit through the service with minimal fussing.
I must qualify that some children are easier to teach than others but I persisted nonetheless with the more challenging ones. Then when they reached toddlerhood, I would bring activity books like colouring books or simple quiet puzzles for them to do. It paid off in the long run. It was a necessary skill for them to learn to sit quietly (note I didn’t say sit still) whenever an occasion called for it.
The ability to sit through services was especially helpful when I had to handle the children alone while Henson served, either in the worship team, or when he was pastoring a church.
Start at home
Teaching children to sit and play quietly ought to begin at home. Why? Well, you can’t expect a young child to sit quietly through a service once a week while he runs wild the other 6 days of the week.
This is where Gary Ezzo‘s quiet playtime tip was helpful to me. Under their Eat-Play-Sleep routine, play would include a time when the child was required to play by himself, surrounded by books or toys. So daily, they would play by themselves, usually quietly, with music in the background. This gets them used to be required to play quietly and amuse themselves.
Some mothers do Blanket Time. A large enough piece of “blanket” or mat is brought out whenever the child is required to play by himself. So at any time when the mother needs the child to play quietly by himself, she would lay out the blanket/mat, place a few toys/books on it and the child on it. The child has learnt through daily teaching that he is to play quietly and by himself till mama says Blanket Time is over. This takes a bit more training than simply placing child in cot or playpen since the child can easily crawl out of the blanket! 🙂 I never did that. I pick my battles. 😛
Work on obedience
You would also have to work on obedience. If a child is generally disobedient you can’t expect him to suddenly be obedient and mind you when you tell him to sit quietly through anything! A child that is generally obedient and minds your instructions daily, is an easier child to parent because you have already laid the foundation for him. Teaching them obedience also teaches them self-control.
To be fair, I would prepare the child before we leave for any event and remind him on the way to the event by telling him what is expected of him : to sit quietly, no running up and down and/or getting in and out of chairs while the event was going on.
You can do it!
Getting a young child to sit through a 2 hour service without electronics, without food and without tantrums IS possible. It isn’t terribly difficult if you have set the above foundations early in his life.
Go for it! You can teach your children to sit quietly through anything. Yes, it is hard work in the beginning and when they occasionally challenge your resolve. But later on, you reap a harvest of peaceful service sessions or whenever you need to sit through something long and perhaps boring. Bring quiet activities for the child to do by all means, but do require your child to sit through.
But be considerate
While you want to be firm with your child, you would also want to be considerate. A wailing child in the service or seminar is very disruptive and distracting. To both the congregation and the speaker. If there are bad days (either mom’s or the child’s) give everyone a break. Take them out for a while, but let them know it isn’t the norm, and then continue to work on obedience and self-control while at home.
Consistency is the key.