I guess I am a Big, Bad, Mean Mama.
- I don’t molly coddle the kids, even if they are toddlers. If they fall down, they pick themselves up. Life goes on. No need to keep on wailing. Obviously, babies are in a different class of their own 🙂
- I sleep train* my children from the time they are 3 months old. And they all go to sleep by themselves in their own beds, in their own rooms.
- I insist that they eat what is put on their plates (see Mealtime Battles 2).
- I make them walk when we are out and about. No carrying. Even the toddler. But she sometimes get to sit in the stroller if it has been a long day.
- I also insist that they help around the house (wash dishes, hang up the laundry, fold the laundry, vacuum the floor, etc).
- I insist that they learn to wait their turn.
- I insist that they learn to play by and occupy themselves and not expect to be entertained by me.
- I insist that they are responsible for their own stuff. They are not to come looking for me when they cannot find their bags, books, pencils, toys.
I could go on 🙂
Why this post? I have come to the conclusion that many times we struggle and fight with our children because we are too soft with them. Yes, they are children and yes, they have needs but boundaries need to be drawn and we need to be firm. Many times parents create problems for themselves and then become upset with the children. A good example is the struggle at bedtimes and mealtimes.
Life is much easier when one is a big, bad, mean mama. 🙂 The kids stop expecting to be served but to help themselves and others in need.
Let me put it another way, one doesn’t have to suffer in order to win the good mother award 🙂 It is ok to get 8hrs of uninterrupted sleep. It is ok to have children who obey you. It is ok to have children who help you around the house. Sometimes those of us who have woked hard to get this far are made to feel guilty that we have it good. But why should we? We did work at training and teaching our children to be obedient and independent. So now we can reap a little of the rewards.
However, sadly, in our society, it is looked upon with pity when a child is independent. There seems to be some conspiracy to keep children helpless. Perhaps it is our need to be needed? But I rather not be needed for simple basic life skills. I want to teach my children to be independent. I want them to feel empowered, not helpless. Imagine a 4yr old still needing to be fed. Or a 6yr old who still needs mummy to lie with him before he can sleep.
And in a large family, it is critical that everyone pulls their own weight. I guess that’s why I often have people comment that my children are very matured for their age. These people would be comparing my children with children who come from the usual 2-child family with a live-in maid. And sometimes these people say it with pity in their voices. 🙁
I like my children to be independent and I feel sorry for those who pity my children. Life really is more pleasant and peaceful when everyone is doing their part and not just waiting to be served. Children can then truly be enjoyed as blessings not a burden.
* Sleep Train meaning teach them to go to sleep on their own, not sleep through the night.
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So your 9 or 10month old goes to sleep on her own already and can occupy and play on her own.
Hi Sam. Yes, she does go to sleep on her own in the daytime and even the nighttime, except the middle of the night wakings which still requires me to nurse her back to sleep 🙂 And we’re working on her playing by herself. Usually ok after a good nap and nursing session. But she still mustn’t see me walking up and down or she’ll insist on being carried.
Reminds me, yesterday when dh & i were going out to buy some stuff (about 4 bus-stops away). Then dh said “are we bringing baby?”. Then I said I was too lazy bc I’d need to carry baby. He said “I’ll carry lah!!”. So duh, right? I replied that … as long as I’m there, I’d need to carry him. So we went without baby. HAHAH!
One thing I am really going to work on for #3 is the sleep on their own part. God help me! 🙂
I just had an encounter today at a class that I bring my #3 to every week. One of the mommies asked me about #3 going to school and I told her not so soon, and then she said, since I had a maid, then no problem. So I told her my maid has gone home and I didn’t intend to get another. Her first reaction was : “then you will have no time to play with him (#3)!” Before I could stop myself, I blurted,”It is not my job to play with him.” She looked kind of shocked but I hope she didn’t think that I absolutely WON”T play with my kids. I tried to ‘salvage’ by explaining about kids learning to be independent and not always having someone at hand to entertain them. I was wondering : how many hours a day is one supposed to “play” with one’s kids?? I can’t imagine that being my main “job description”. Her next question was whether I have tried Julia Gabriels, and she said her friends all felt that JG was very good. I know that she and some others in the class have been talking about various classes and schools and which ones are good (and prestigious?).Hmm…I managed to keep my big mouth shut for that one.
Angela – I do know people who are not only fulltime playmates but also fulltime follow-child-around moms! They absolutely never leave the child alone! Amazing!But I guess that’s why they can’t figure out how I can do without a maid 🙂 So you’ll be back to no maid eh?
And then when the next baby comes, they will have problems cos the older one is completely dependent on them. 0_o Yes, I am back to no maid. Now that #3 is ready for school, having a full time maid will be an overkill. But what a difference a few years make! Now no longer have that kind of stamina!
Lucky – all of you.