Again the subject of sleep training came up over at the Yahoo AsiaParents Group.
I think it comes up every now and then because it is a never ending problem that many parents go through. And if you have been reading my blog long enough, you know I am all for sleep training. 🙂
To have a child that would go to sleep when it is time to instead of having to cajole/bribe/rock/nurse is such a blessing. And I know this for sure since I was only just recently struggling with this.
Sleep Training ≠Sleeping Through the Night
Before I go on, let me clarify that to sleep train a child does NOT mean having the child sleep through the night. That is only one aspect of sleep training. What I am referring to is the ability of the child to go to sleep by himself when it is nap or bed time. So please do NOTÂ misunderstand that I am wanting a 3 month old baby to sleep through the night. Though if it happens it is a happy bonus!
I usually teach a child to sleep by himself at 3 months, after the usual growth spurt. You can read more about it in here.
Nursing or Rocking to Sleep
But with #7, I had missed that window due to the numerous things that were happening at that point in time. And so, 5 months later (she is 8 months old now) I have a baby who would only go to sleep if I carried and rocked her or nursed to sleep.
I do not like either method at all.
If you do this with your baby, you will know that there is a huge problem of successfully transferring a sleeping baby from your arms to the bed. They wake up!!! Well, at mine most of mine do.
And, if she nursed and fell asleep on the bed, I was always worried that she would roll off the bed. Especially since our bed is higher than normal beds and we have hard ceramic flooring.
Sleep Training Round 1 : Mommy 0, Baby 1
When she was about 6 months old, Â I tried sleep training her but failed. So, I actually thought of just leaving things as they were. I started asking around for stories of babies who were able to go to sleep by themselves without being sleep trained.
However the common thread of the stories I heard was this – the baby eventually slept on his own BUTÂ no earlier than 2 years old. Most were older than 2! Oh dear! I just couldn’t imagine the thought of having to nurse or carry her to sleep until she was 2.
Poor Sleep Quality
Yes, I know many mothers do it but when it is just one of me and 6 other children plus homeschooling and other stuff that needs to be done…. this is just not going to work out in our household. Perhaps I would have just bore with it and continued if she would continue to sleep when I transferred her to her cot from my arms or when I unlatched her. But she wouldn’t. She just wanted to be carried throughout the whole nap! Or latched on! The moment she felt me unlatch her she would stir – sorry Elizabeth Pantley fans!
On top of that, when she woke up, she was hardly refreshed. She was cranky and kept on clinging to me – more than any other baby did. A clear sign that she had not slept properly. That meant that I couldn’t do any work while she slept and I couldn’t do any work while she was awake. How’s that for productivity?!
What are My Options?
I was getting desperate. I thought through my various options –
- continue as things were – unproductive plus there was an increasing sense of resentment
- nurse her to sleep – then what about the toddler who tends to get into trouble when I am doing that plus that means I am the ONLY one who can put her to sleep. And that meant she’d never sleep in her cot ever!
- sleep train – yep. That seems to be only option if I wanted her in her cot during nap/bed times
Pray
So I started to pray. The first round of failed sleep training made me very aware that I needed to bathe the entire exercise in prayer. Lots of it! Henson suggested playing some music in the room. I dug around and found one in our collection of CDs.
Just Do It!
Then I just did it.
Yes, she cried for 45 minutes on the first day. But only for her first nap.* And it was an on-off type of crying. For her second nap, she let out a cry of protest when she was laid on the cot but stopped even before I was out of the room! Same for the next few days.
It is truly a miracle!
Out of the Woods?
I don’t know if we are out of the woods yet 🙂 But it is a huge, HUGE improvement from what we were struggling with for months! She sleeps better and is such a happy baby now. I am now even able to eat my meals in peace! Sure, I still have to eat real fast but I couldn’t even do that previously. How can I but conclude that it was her lack of sleep was making her very needy and clingy. I actually created a high need child! Even Henson noticed the change in her demeanour.
Praise God!
*I did not go in to check on her every 5, 10, 15 minutes as recommended by some experts. I figured that would be teasing her. So I just told her to go to bed and I purposed in my heart that I wouldn’t check on her till she slept. I went downstairs and prayed and prayed and prayed. 🙂
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8 Comments on To Sleep Train or Not to Sleep Train?
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Good for you! What a blessing, to have some peace in the house, a mom with free hands, and a happy baby! :o) I’ve had similar experiences with sleep training. My husband helped me a lot to realize my babies’ needs; my brain was often clouded by my emotions. It is wonderful to come out the other side and realize how much happier the baby is when (s)he gets the sleep that’s needed!
*gulp*…45mins ah….
ok….*braces myself to know what to expect…*
fr: Jessica
She’s in a room? I always want to try, but dun think I have any spare space or corner, unless I put JR in the bathroom for naps. ;-P
But I’ve grown really superstitious about sleeping patterns, so I shall not talk further. HAHAHA.
No Sam, she’s in our room. Where got luxury of space to put her in one room by herself? Jess. It only took so long coz she’s 8mths old! It doesn’t take so long when they are 3mths old. Maybe 15minutes max at that age. The older they are the more they can hold out.
Yes, a sleep deprived baby is whinny and clingy and needy. My dd is like that when she stirs and wakes from her hap after 30 min. She seems more tired, not fully rested and just can’t get back to sleep. Any advice on how to lengthen their nap?
But when she slept well, oh she is such an angel, all playing by herself, tallking to herself, smiling and generally very very happy!
Sorry Jen no ideas there. But generally if they do sleep by themselves they are able to put themselves back to sleep on their own if disturbed by some inconsiderate neighbour or sibling. Otherwise I would try to nurse them back to sleep 🙂
Hey fellow mother of high need babies! I have one too and she just turned one. I am a work at home mommy of another daughter who is almost 3. I have enjoyed our first year together so much and I have carried her in a sling daily, still breastfeeding, and she has slept on me or beside me every night. I am happy to be an “attached parent” but I am increasingly concerned at my dd’s terror reaction to me leaving for a second or if she even looks at a crib (although I’ve never put her in one awake). I love to cuddle with her at night and I don’t mind BFing in the night b/c she doesn’t eat much during the day. What I mind and what is EXHAUSTING ME is that I CANNOT ever “put her to bed”. She knows if I am trying to nurse her down or if I am really going to sleep with her and she’ll nurse awhile and then just start screaming until I bring her downstairs with me. So she ends up coming down with me until we go to bed at 11:30 or so. Ahhh! I can’t stand that anymore. I need her to go to bed before me so I can get a break! So even though I DO NOT believe in small babies crying it out and being left to “sleep thru the night” I am going to try to teach my little one to fall asleep on her own. All year her needs to be close to us have come first, and I am happy we did it this way. But now I feel that her need to be constantly close is not more important than her need to get plenty of rest (which she is not). I cannot take heart in the fact that “by the time she is 4 or so she will sleep better”. I need it to happen now. So thank you so much for your posting. It has given me hope. And like you I will be praying often during her tears. Just wondering if you can provide an update? Is it still going so well? I plan to try this tonight. I’ll let you know how it goes. God Bless, Amy
Whew Amy! 🙂 So far so good here. Now I put her down when it is time for her nap (3hrs max from the last nap unless she shows signs of sleepiness) and she protests a little or usually not at all. But she is so not sleeping through the nite – yet! 🙂 We’ll work on that after she turns 1 and when she’s eating more. All the best!