Like it or not, our children imitate us. They copy what we say and do by virtue of the fact that they spend most of their waking hours with us (or should, at least in their growing-up years). Which then begs the question: what are they imitating about us? What kind of examples are we to them?
Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.
1 Corinthians 11:1, NKJV
Can we confidently say to our children as Paul said to the early Christians, “Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ”?
Are we imitating Jesus in our daily life so that our children see what it means to be a Christian on a daily basis as well as in how we live out the practical applications of our faith?
Young or old, children imitate the people around them. They pick up behaviour and speech patterns from those they spend the most time with. Do we want our children to imitate us or their caregivers?
Children Will Imitate the Good and the Bad
If we are our children’s main caregiver, then our children will imitate us: the good stuff and the bad stuff. And if someone else is helping to care for them, then they will imitate them.
And so, we should be asking ourselves:
- Are we good imitators of Christ?
- Who are our children spending most of their time with?
1. Are We Good Imitators of Christ?
If we are Christians, we want to be good imitators of Christ, as Paul was. And if we are good imitators of Christ, we would be manifesting the glory of God in our daily circumstances, not only on “special” occasions.
Oswald Chambers in My Utmost For His Highest often reminds us that it is in our daily hum-drum of our lives that the depth (or shallowness?!) of our faith is demonstrated.
Put it this way – Do people know that I am a Christian without me telling them? Or me wearing a cross pendant?
Does my behaviour show it? My speech? My dressing? My lifestyle? Or do people see a worldly person who goes to church and maybe even a cell group?
My boys who have served or are serving National Service have told me that they have encountered a few Christian boys who well, weren’t the best examples of Christian living in speech or behaviour. Do people say the same of us?
Because that is what our children will imitate.
Do What I Say and Not What I Do?
We may be able to trick friends and extended family but it is hard to trick the little ones in our home who see us 24/7 in all sorts of circumstances.
If we say we trust God but worry about the circumstances we are in, then even if they don’t comprehend everything due to their age, they can sense that we are not fully trusting God. This is when what we say and what we do are at odds with each other.
Caught Not Taught
If you have both big and little ones at home, you’ll be able to see for yourself the degree of your influence over them, especially in the area of speech. Listen to how your older ones speak to the younger ones and you can “hear” yourself. How embarrassing!
We can keep telling them to be kind but if we are not kind to them then that is what they takeaway, whether we are aware of it or not.
Our Children Imitate Us
Just a few days ago, I was giving a lecture to my oldest about his slipshod work and then barely a few hours later, I hear him saying exactly the same thing to his younger brother! Made me laugh then but the immense influence I have over my children is a grave matter indeed. Sometimes I am forced to stop and think, “Is that how I talk to them?!” How not nice!
And almost every other day I see my 2.5yr old toddler going around carrying either a real baby doll or an imaginary baby and the things she says to them are eye-opening.
I get to know what she sees when she watches me tend to her baby sister. Just a moment ago she told me, “Shhh! Don’t sing. Baby sleeping!” Have I modelled for her a caring and loving mother?
How we treat the babies and toddlers have an impact on them. Are we curt and irritated when the baby or toddler interrupts our work or are in need of our attention?
The older ones will model our behaviour towards the baby and toddler. Are we gentle and caring, seeing the baby as a blessing to the family? OR do we see them as little annoyances?
Not only does it colour how they treat the baby they probably would carry this attitude with them when they become parents themselves. This is how abuse gets passed down the generations. Behaviours and speech patterns are caught, not taught.
2. Who Are Our Children Spending Most of Their Time With?
We may be stay-at-home-mothers (SAHMs) but who are we leaving our children to most of the time? The maid? Screens? Grandparents? If this is the case then they will imitate those they spend their time with.
Packed Schedule for Mom
Some SAHMs have schedules packed to the brim and they often leave the children behind with someone else while they are busy with activities out of the home.
Some have justified to me that serving God is more important than staying home with their child. If that is the case, then one should not be surprised that your child will imitate their main caregiver in values and speech, rather than mom or dad.
Packed Schedule for the Child
Or perhaps it is the children who have a packed schedule with numerous enrichment classes to attend to develop their full potential.
Who are these people we are putting our children under? Do they have lifestyles and morals openly against what the Bible teaches? Do you want your children to be imitating them?
Sure, you may explain to them that these are “lost” people and to love the sinner but hate the sin. But let us be realistic – most young children are not likely to grasp this concept. And older children may not be able to see beyond the fun and exciting persona of this teacher.
Who is Your Child Imitating?
I am not saying don’t go out at all or don’t send your child/ren for enrichment class/es but do ask yourself – who does your child spend most of his time with? Is that person/s a godly influence?
Remember:
Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”
1 Corinthians 15:33, NKJV
Our children will be influenced by the people they spend most of their time with. If we are the ones they spend of their lives with, are our lives worth imitating? If they are spending more time with others, do you want your children to be imitating their values and lifestyle?
May we be able to stand tall and say with Paul to our children, Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:1, NKJV
Post was originally posted on February 2008 and has been updated.
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