SAHM = Brain Dead Mom?!

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Ahhh!!!! Are you a brain dead mom if you choose to be a stay at home mother? I was asked this a week ago by a friend, who had the same question posed to her by her friend. A mother also posed this question to an email loop I am on recently. So – does being a stay home mother make us brain dead?!

(Post updated July 2017)

Honestly, I do not understand why these women feel this way. Let’s examine some of the points commonly raised by those who feel this way :

Boredom

Well, I suppose one can get bored doing the same stuff over & over. But don’t working mums face the same thing too? In every job you do, there’s always a part of it that is routine & requires very little brain power. And so this is where I put housework

But even then…for those who think that housework is a brainless job, I will put to you that you haven’t tried doing a proper job. Why else are good maids and part-time helpers so hard to find? You DO need brains to plan out how exactly you can work efficiently.

Slipshod work? Sure, anyone can do that. But housework done efficiently and properly – ah! that takes skill! Once mastered, of course, you can go on auto-pilot.

Baby Talk Makes Your Brain Turn to Mush

Well, in the first place, why engage in baby talk?! Talking to your child in complete and proper sentences is good for you and for baby

All I Do is Face the 4 Walls and the Baby

Ok – I don’t get this when the person in front of me complaining is a mother of one or two. When I had one child, we were able to go out anytime, any day.

Either shopping, taking a bus ride, swimming, going to the library, playground or having structured playdates at Gymboree. And when we go out, we would invariably meet other mother-child pairings and strike up conversations which may or may not lead to friendships. Going out with toddler and baby is a little more tricky but still very doable.

There was once I even went out with 4 children (at that time ages 6 & under) while heavily pregnant with #5 on public transport. Sure it was challenging and tiring. But you can!

But I Breastfeed

If breastfeeding is your excuse to stay stuck at home, I’d say invest in a few pieces of nursingwear! When I had David, I didn’t know nursingwear existed but I still went out with him. When I had Sarah, I found Moms in Mind, an online Singaporean nursingwear retailer (no longer in action). Oh! I was in heaven! I could even nurse in a dress!

I Don’t Want to Talk About the Baby All the Time

In this day and age of internet connectivity, there are so many forums to participate in. I don’t think this is a valid excuse. Join a forum in your area of interest & talk all you want to like-minded people.

I am Wasting My Diploma/Degree/Expertise/etc…

Are you really? I think as a mother, we hold an amazing assortment of “jobs” at any one time. Doctor, nurse, dentist, manager, chef, housekeeper, author, poet, singer, psychologist, pastor…. And if you homeschool, your even your IT expertise comes in handy!

All I am saying is thinking that your education is “wasted” implies that you don’t need any brains to be a mother. That anyone can take your place as a mother. Hey! I guess that’s why most women have little/no qualms about putting their child/ren in childcare while they go out to do the “important” job of working?

So no, I don’t think staying home and not working has made my brains go to mush. I have been home since 1999. I had worked as a magazine feature writer, a public relations executive in a PR agency and a top local fashion house and with an advertising agency.

Yes, my brains don’t work the same way it used to when I was working but like it this way. I am now in charge of eternal souls! It is more important for me to be thinking about how to train and guide my little arrows for the Kingdom of God then to worry if there’s going to be any press coverage on the new product that has been launched.

A Privilege, Not a Burden

And moms, remember that being able to stay at home with your babies, watching them grow and influencing them is a privilege, not a burden!

Dear mom in the trenches, please do not let worldly values colour your journey as a mother. Motherhood is ordained by God. There are always seasons of ebb and flow. Hang in there!

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