Having a baby is a major adjustment to your life.
Whether it is the 1st baby or the 5th, everyone in the family has to adjust and adapt to the changed dynamics in the home. Of course many times having the 1st baby is the most challenging especially if one has never handled a baby. But then I have personally found that having our 5th was the toughest for me – yet!
So what can help the new mother adjust to the addition of baby into the family? From my own observations, besides prayer, there is one thing that is most important to the new mother – support and encouragement.
Support and encouragement : new mums need lots of it! After birth, the mother is physically tired (they don’t call it labour for nothing! Lol!). Her hormones are settling down and she is probably very emotional She does not need to hear any negative things that cause her to doubt her ability as a mother. We should always encourage the mother to be the mother.
What do I mean? A lot of times I hear the well meaning grandmother or confinement lady say “Aiyah! You don’t know how to carry/bathe/soothe/etc.. the baby!” And then she takes over. So how is the new mother supposed to learn how to be a mother if everytime she tries, she’s taken over by the grandmother or confinement lady?
For breastfeeding mothers, they need even more support and encouragement!
Breastfeeding, though God’s gift to babies, is not embraced by many. It is deemed either too difficult or for the poor So for those who persevere, the last thing they need to hear is “You don’t have enough milk!”
Our bodies produce milk according to the baby’s needs and demands. But because we can’t see the milk going into the baby, many presume that the milk is insufficient. Worse is if the mother is not well endowed!
Being there for new mothers is helpful. While our husbands can help, it often takes a fellow mother to sympathise and help another one through the rough early days. I remember crying when we had our 1st who was so difficult to handle in the early days coz he had the need to suck but got angry when I had a letdown and milk went pouring into his mouth. He would scream and yell his head off.
My friend had no advice but she was there listening to me pour out my woes and her encouragement that these days will pass was helpful even tho I didn’t think I would make it!
One other thing that helped me was receiving practical help from kind friends. As we have no no live-in help, any practical help offered is great It allowed me to concentrate on the baby and on the other children instead of housework and cooking.
Last but definitely not least, pray for the new mother. Knowing that you are praying with her and for her gives her great comfort. Even as you offer practical help and encouragement, direct her back to God, for indeed as the psalmist says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1.
We can’t always be there for the new mother but God can. We don’t always have answers for her but God does!